Trick or Write, curious mind!
Rinisha here, ready to dive into the pages of this eerie story. 🤡!
Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my haunting magic! 🎃
The up-to-no-good Stuff:
First of all, let's talk about the fang-tastic parts that are really witch-approved!
This is a very nice concept and I would certainly recommend you to continue if that is your wish, of course. I love theatre, so I am curious to see what you will do with the story. You have chosen very specific names for your characters, I love them. The tension and excitement are both in the story. Can you please tag me when you do part two.
Trick or Write:🎭
I think your title is a bit misleading, I am not sure what it means. Whether it is a thank you for the opportunity to go to drama school or not. You might want to explain that.
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This last chapter can be split into two or three little paragraphs to make it clearer and easier readable or else it just seems like a chunk of words.
E.g.
Before
Before I could respond, she strutted off down what I had to assume was the girls’ hallway and I quickly followed her. She knocked gently on the first door on the right and pushed it open, reveling a narrow room with two twin beds lined up against the walls. A stained wood dresser sat under the window overlooking the tree-scattered quad. A girl around my age with straightened black hair falling around her face was unloading clothes from a suitcase on the bed to the right. On the sound of the door opening, she spun around. “Hi! You must be Becca! I’m Faith! I’m so happy that we’re roommates! I’ve wanted to go to this school since I was 8!” “Hi!” I tried to match her energy “Me too! You’re in theater, right?” Before Faith could reply, Sarah cut in. “Yep! All the first-year theater kids are in this hall.” She turned to me “I’ll leave you two to get settled. I’ll meet you in front of the building in an hour.” She spun on her heel, as if to leave, then changed her mind “Oh, and Becca, your luggage is in the common room.” I followed her out and, sure enough, my baggage lay in a pile in the middle of the living room. I grabbed the two on top and spun around, nearly whacking into my new roommate. “Oops, sorry.” I pulled the suitcases through the too-narrow door and onto the bed on the left. I noticed a closet next to the door, already half-filled with dresses. I unzipped the first suitcase and started unloading the clothes into the dresser drawers. Faith and I worked in comfortable silence until I got to the third suitcase. I flipped the top off and the Hamilton logo stared back at me. I spun around, the poster in my hands “Should I hang this? I don’t know if there’s much wall space.” “I was just wondering where to hang mine! Maybe the ceiling?” She gestured to a pile of posters near her pillow. I hopped up on the bed and, with the tape my parents had insisted I bring, we hung the posters until the whole ceiling was a collage of musicals.
After
Before I could respond, she strutted off down what I had to assume was the girls’ hallway and I quickly followed her. She knocked gently on the first door on the right and pushed it open, revealing >> typo a narrow room with two twin beds lined up against the walls. A stained wood dresser sat under the window overlooking the tree-scattered quad.
A girl around my age with straightened black hair falling around her face was unloading clothes from a suitcase on the bed to the right. On the sound of the door opening, she spun around. “Hi! You must be Becca! I’m Faith! I’m so happy that we’re roommates! I’ve wanted to go to this school since I was 8!” “Hi!” I tried to match her energy “Me too! You’re in theater, right?” Before Faith could reply, Sarah cut in. “Yep! All the first-year theater kids are in this hall.” She turned to me “I’ll leave you two to get settled. I’ll meet you in front of the building in an hour.” She spun on her heel, as if to leave, then changed her mind “Oh, and Becca, your luggage is in the common room.”
I followed her out and, sure enough, my baggage lay in a pile in the middle of the living room. I grabbed the two on top and spun around, nearly whacking into my new roommate. “Oops, sorry.” I pulled the suitcases through the too-narrow door and onto the bed on the left. I noticed a closet next to the door, already half-filled with dresses. I unzipped the first suitcase and started unloading the clothes into the dresser drawers. Faith and I worked in comfortable silence until I got to the third suitcase.
I flipped the top off and the Hamilton logo stared back at me. I spun around, the poster in my hands “Should I hang this? I don’t know if there’s much wall space.” “I was just wondering where to hang mine! Maybe the ceiling?” She gestured to a pile of posters near her pillow. I hopped up on the bed and, with the tape my parents had insisted I bring, we hung the posters until the whole ceiling was a collage of musicals.
~~~
I would also suggest that you make Becca's thoughts cursive. It makes the story easier to follow.
~~~
Over here I got confused and last track over where Becca was supposed to be. All the directions really confused me.
After reading it two or three times, I understood where it was and was able to make a picture for myself, but I think if you read it again you can make a bit more sense of it.
I am not saying it is bad, just a suggestion to help you.
Two teenagers in navy blazers, white shirts and red ties sat behind a makeshift desk, one of them spotted me and waved me over. When I approached the table, the one who’d waved me over glanced down at her clipboard “Last name?” “Um, Lane” She ran her finger down the page “Found you. Ok, it looks like you are in Carter Hall. You can head there now and unpack while your parents sort out some final details and they will meet you in front for the tour. So, to get to your dorm, head straight out these doors, turn left and you’ll see a row of really tall brick buildings. Carter Hall is gonna be the third one from the right, it’s got the comedy and tragedy masks above the door, there’s a pride flag hanging in the window, and there’s usually show tunes seeping through the walls. You can’t miss it” “Ok” Mom seemed a little overwhelmed, but I steered her and Dad towards the door before she could say anything embarrassing.
~~~
Your sentence structure here does not flow very well, you should reread it and check it again.
When we emerged through the double doors and walked out onto what the map on the called the quad, I was rendered speechless.
e.g.
When we emerged through the double doors into what the map called the Quad, I was rendered speechless.
Spooktastic!👻
This is funny. The way you played with your dialogue is very nice. Fantastic! I'm already a fan of Sarah.
Sarah pulled her phone out from the pocket of her plaid skirt “Ok. Lemme give you a quick tour. This is the common room, where you can hang out, watch TV, and do your homework. Then, here” She pointed down a hallway to our left “Is the boys’ hallway. At night, your dorm supervisor, Mr. Miranda, you’ll meet him later, will lock the doors between the halls” She lowered her voice to a whisper “But, between the two of us, all you need to pick the lock is a bobby pin.”
~~~
I would suggest that you try to expand your chapters a bit. You have the potential to not hold back and go a little bit longer. If that is what you want, it is just a suggestion.
Overall scream-worthy:
This is the start of something great. I am very excited to see where you take things next. You have created some great characters along with some great dialogue and an amazing concept. If I've been a little picky in my review, don't be discouraged. These are just improvements I am pointing out that you can learn from and grow from. I have to admit that this is a very good story for a newbie. Waiting for chapter two…
Be sure to Check or Treat out…📔🦇
Under the Sycamore by @looseleaf
This is a short story in which the author manages to combine a beautiful story with some nice descriptions, providing clarity on issues and making it an enjoyable read.
Have a boo-tiful day or night further! Keep writing! You are spook-takular!
Points: 32606
Reviews: 227
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