I know what it is to love family, friends and certain aspects of life. I know the happiness and joy it brings into my heart. The upside down frown it forms on my face and the enchanted warmth that fills my body. A feeling I grasp so tightly that blinds me with serenity. As my words jumble up, the feeling of love can be indescribable at times. For many, money is what makes the world go round, but for others its love. I’m not here to tell you what makes the world go round because we all have our own opinion. However, I will say that love is what drives our passion to continue on. It is the driving force that motivates us to pursue our dreams.
We all crave that thing people call love; whether we want to admit it or not. It’s that poisonous drug that gives you a rush of happiness and can bring you down with a heartbreak. We know the pain love can bring. Yet, we continue to run for a hit to feel it rush into our bloodstreams and enjoy the satisfying taste of temporary love it brings into our soul. It makes me happy seeing couples with shimmering eyes filled with love, but it also makes me wonder if I will ever find that love. When I do think about my future I don’t imagine myself having a beautiful fairytale wedding or even starting a future with another soul.
I’ve never said a sincere “I love you” to any guy. I’ve had my heart crushed and taken advantage that it has turned me emotionally distant. I’ve seen the ugly side of love which makes me afraid to open up to an unknown soul. I don’t take commitment seriously for all those very reasons. Through this all, I continue to be a hopeless romantic that believes everyone has a soulmate in this world. I believe everyone will find that one special individual that will left them off their feet and truly make them feel butterflies every time they look into their soul. I’m still young and have plenty of time or at least I like to believe that I have plenty of time left on Earth to find that love.
I know what it is to love family, friends and certain aspects of life, but one thing I don’t know is how to love another soul or my own soul for that matter. I have my insecurities that I must overcome before I let a soul in. As cliche as it may sound how can I love someone when I don’t even love myself? How can I give my soul to another individual when I am emotionally distant to the ones I say I love? How is it even possible to be a hopeless romantic that believes in love yet believes there is no true love for this crushed soul of mine? Will I ever learn and experience that type of love? It’s all quite ironic...