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E - Everyone

That Thing Called LOVE.

by Elizabeth1


I know what it is to love family, friends and certain aspects of life. I know the happiness and joy it brings into my heart. The upside down frown it forms on my face and the enchanted warmth that fills my body. A feeling I grasp so tightly that blinds me with serenity. As my words jumble up, the feeling of love can be indescribable at times. For many, money is what makes the world go round, but for others its love. I’m not here to tell you what makes the world go round because we all have our own opinion. However, I will say that love is what drives our passion to continue on. It is the driving force that motivates us to pursue our dreams.

We all crave that thing people call love; whether we want to admit it or not. It’s that poisonous drug that gives you a rush of happiness and can bring you down with a heartbreak. We know the pain love can bring. Yet, we continue to run for a hit to feel it rush into our bloodstreams and enjoy the satisfying taste of temporary love it brings into our soul. It makes me happy seeing couples with shimmering eyes filled with love, but it also makes me wonder if I will ever find that love. When I do think about my future I don’t imagine myself having a beautiful fairytale wedding or even starting a future with another soul.

I’ve never said a sincere “I love you” to any guy. I’ve had my heart crushed and taken advantage that it has turned me emotionally distant. I’ve seen the ugly side of love which makes me afraid to open up to an unknown soul. I don’t take commitment seriously for all those very reasons. Through this all, I continue to be a hopeless romantic that believes everyone has a soulmate in this world. I believe everyone will find that one special individual that will left them off their feet and truly make them feel butterflies every time they look into their soul. I’m still young and have plenty of time or at least I like to believe that I have plenty of time left on Earth to find that love.

I know what it is to love family, friends and certain aspects of life, but one thing I don’t know is how to love another soul or my own soul for that matter. I have my insecurities that I must overcome before I let a soul in. As cliche as it may sound how can I love someone when I don’t even love myself? How can I give my soul to another individual when I am emotionally distant to the ones I say I love? How is it even possible to be a hopeless romantic that believes in love yet believes there is no true love for this crushed soul of mine? Will I ever learn and experience that type of love? It’s all quite ironic...


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Thu Oct 17, 2013 3:59 pm
SarcasticMockery wrote a review...



This is very, very good! You have a way with words. The description is amazing and I love the way you've phrased things.
Mistakes I've found or things I think should be rephrased:
- Yet, we continue to run for a hit to feel it rush into our bloodstreams and enjoy the satisfying taste of temporary love it brings into our soul. - I've had to read this a few times to get it phrased right in my head. I think there's a piece of punctuation missing or something but Ii would rephrase it to make it slightly easier to read as it's a very long sentence.
-makes me wonder if I will ever find that love. - I would rephrase that as well as 'that love' seems as if it's been stuck on at the end. It fits with the sentence and I know exactly what you're trying to portray but it need to be rewords in my opinion.
- When I do think about my future(,) I don’t imagine myself having a beautiful fairytale wedding or even starting a future with another soul. - The missing piece of punctuation.
- I’ve had my heart crushed and taken advantage that it has turned me emotionally distant. - This sentence confused me greatly. Has she been taken advantage of or her heart? You might want to fiddle around with that sentence to make it more clear as you're adding more depth into this piece with this sentence. You've been talking about love and whether or not you're going to have it but this sentence makes you see more of the character. You character starts evolving at this point.
- I don’t take commitment seriously for (all) those very reasons. - Taking this word out would make more sense.
- I believe everyone will find that one special individual that will (left) them off their feet and truly make them feel butterflies every time they look into their soul. - You've written left instead of lift. Also, -every time they look into their soul. - Would't this make more sense as 'every time they're around' other an soul. While using soul is a beautiful idea, you've used it a few times already and I you should add a little range if that makes sense?
- As cliche as it may sound(,) how can I love someone when I don’t even love myself? - Missing punctuation.

I love the last line. It's very cool. I've already mentioned this but I would definitely add a few words other than soul as you've used that a lot! Overall I think this is a great piece of writing. You can see all the hard work you've put in with the very few mistake and the quality of the writing is fantastic. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!

-Mock




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Thu Jul 25, 2013 7:17 pm
ScribbleBug wrote a review...



Hi! I like this, essay, right? Well, whatever it is, I like it! Alright, now I need to nitpick.

"As cliche as it may sound how can I love someone when I don’t even love myself?"
"When I do think about my future I don’t imagine myself having a beautiful fairytale-"
"I’m still young and have plenty of time or at least I like to believe that I have plenty of time left on Earth to find that love."
"I know what it is to love family, friends and certain aspects of life."


These four sentences are missing commas after 'sound' in the first one, 'future' in the second, after 'time,' and 'or', and 'at least' in the last sentience, and after 'friends' in the last one.

"We all crave that thing people call love; whether we want to admit it or not."

And this sentience, the semi-colon needs to be replaced by a comma. See, a semi-colon can be used to replace a period to create more complex sentences, or to link two closely related interdependent clauses. If you would replace the semi-colon with a period, the last sentence would be a fragment, therefore each aren't interdependent clauses, so they cant be separated by a semi-colon.

"I believe everyone will find that one special individual that will left them off their feet and truly make them feel butterflies every time they look into their soul."

I'm sure left was supposed to be 'lift' ;)

I have to say I don't like how you ended it. First off, it doesn't wrap it up very well, the '...'. It leaves you hanging, like you're expecting more, but you just end it. It feels incomplete, and overall just not the best way to end a story. Also, I don't know if

"It's all quite ironic"

fits. Now, this may just be me, but I don't see how that's ironic, you know? Either way, I think you need to end it differently, maybe just end it at

"Will I ever learn and experience that type of love?"

Or add another or few more closing sentences.

Great piece, just with a few nitpicks :)
~SB~




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Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:23 pm
Aley wrote a review...



So I'm going to be pointing out some of the grammatical nit picky things that I can find in this piece since I'm not exactly sure what it is, as it is an other. Overall, I'll be treating it as an idea, or a precursor to something else.

but for others its love.

Its = possessive. This means that IT is someone/something that can possess love. What you were probably looking for is it is, which is it's.

When I do think about my future I don’t imagine myself having a beautiful fairytale wedding or even starting a future with another soul.

So here, I think we're missing a comma. "When I do think about my future," and then continue on. The reason being, "When..." is kind of an aside. It is related to the main sentence in a way that is an assist, not a necessary part. All the same, commas are my weak point so take this advice as you see fit.

I’ve had my heart crushed and taken advantage that it has turned me emotionally distant.

This is awkwardly worded because of "and taken advantage." It almost seems like you're saying that the speaker has taken advantage of their heart being crushed. Perhaps this would be better in two sentences for the two ideas. The first idea is that the speaker's been hurt. The second is that this pain has left the speaker in a predicament where they no longer trust love.

I believe everyone will find that one special individual that will left them off their feet and truly make them feel butterflies every time they look into their soul.

So, this has a few things that I want to point out, and one thing wrong blatantly.
Left, is like the side, the left side of the room. It could also be left, as in abandons. It does not mean to raise from the ground. That is lift. <3

Next, we keep talking about souls, soul this, soul that. Do you have another word for it? In something this short, it is best to avoid overusing a word and I am getting somewhat bothered by the use of souls, and the cliche visuals of the eyes being the window to the 'soul' and the love sparkling eyes, when I've never seen eyes sparkle. Basically, I'd like more descriptive language, or at least express how the speaker is seeing these things that I've looked for countless times, and never seen.

I’m still young and have plenty of time or at least I like to believe that I have plenty of time left on Earth to find that love.

So you're missing some commas again. "...plenty of time, or, at least, I..."

I know what it is to love family, friends and certain aspects of life, but one thing I don’t know is how to love another soul or my own soul for that matter.

This is a really long sentence. It would be two stronger sentences if you got rid of the but, and made them two separate sentences. As for the oxford comma thing the other reviewer commented on, I agree to some extent that 'friends' deserves to be separated. Mainly, I believe it because you're making a list and I've always been taught to use the oxford comma with the list.
As a general rule, only use two conjunctions per sentence. This keeps things shorter and you're not writing for Milton. In this day and age, the human mind can only take a few additions or adaptations to heart when reading due to the process of skimming, and shorter attention span.

As cliche as it may sound how can I love someone when I don’t even love myself?

Another comma missed. "As cliche as it may sound," is another aside before you really get to the heart of the sentence.
I'm going to leave the psychology of this alone. They have argued for years whether you must first love yourself, or if you must first be loved by someone else.


I'm going to assume the last sentence had more that could go with it and that is why you used the ellipsis. Still, it's not a solid way to end anything. It's like we're missing the other half of the page.

Grammar/Writing wise, this piece has a lot of lose weight. You could easily shed all of the "how is it even" and tacked on qualifiers.
Example: "... to an unknown soul." is something that's completely pointless to the sentence because we know your speaker isn't going to open up to a tree. It's going to be another person. Also, it gets rid of the word soul if you get rid of it. To find these things yourself, take off the last bit of the sentence. If it is not a complete predicate, then it should come off like a wrapper and you can remove it if you see fit. If it is a part of the predicate, it will sound wrong.
Overall, you used the word 'soul' ten times. This is bothersome because you didn't start using the word until the second paragraph. They stack up pretty quickly.

As an analysis, I think this is a solid character study. It seems like you're investigating who this person is, and what their views on romance are, as opposed to the world, and what they know. It would be interesting to see this turn into more of a story. Use the character you're building, flesh out her history, her past, her trials, and write her story out. This is all tell, by the way, but I think that's kind of the point, your narrator is telling you who they are.




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Tue Jul 23, 2013 9:11 pm
kingofwernogs says...



Definitely depressing, but very good.




Elizabeth1 says...


Thanks! I didn't find it depressing while writing, until I read now.



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Tue Jul 23, 2013 1:01 pm
Sarrasponda wrote a review...



Hi there!
This ... um ... well, is it an essay? Ok, so your writing piece, it's really good :D
I like how you sort of describe love by what, say, you DON'T think about, or have. It's cool.

First sentence: 'I know what it is to love family, friends and certain aspects of life.' I think you need a comma after friends, because or else 'family' is separated from 'friends and certain aspects of life', making that last bit into a fraction sentence or what ever it's called.

'The upside down frown it forms on my face' - I love it when you describe some of the effects of love by using the word that describes its negative opposite, 'frown', preceded by the whole upside down thing. Sweet.

'I will say that love is what drives our passion to continue on. It is the driving force that motivates us to pursue our dreams.' - Hmm ... is this collective of all people? Because villains have a drive too, and it's not love. Ambition and goal settings and power also drive us forward. Unless you mean to say that it is ONE of the more powerful things that drive people forward. Then I'll agree with you. One of the more sentimentally potent drives.

'We all crave that thing people call love; whether we want to admit it or not' - no semicolon, just comma.

'It’s that poisonous drug' - I think a lot of people would disagree with you about love being a poisonous drug, but I see where you're going with it, heartbreak and all. It just depends on the kind of love/person you pursue. Especially since in the following sentences off that paragraph you go on to talk about how happy those people in love look, and how you wonder if you'll find that love. Doesn't sound poisonous to me, it's like love is mosquito bites; every now and then you get the one with malaria.

I really like your third paragraph. A lot. So I'll leave it at that ...

'I know what it is to love family, friends and certain aspects of life, but one thing I don’t know is how to love another soul or my own soul for that matter.' - I think, if you love your family, you care for their souls. I mean, if their souls get taken or something don't you think you'd care a little bit? I feel like you mean you've never cared for the love brought by a significant other, and by all the heartbreak you've felt you find it hard to love yourself as well.

Your last line, 'It's all quite ironic ... " hmm not working for me. I think you need something after this line, after the whole '...'

Ok well I have to go to my eye doctor :D so good writing, keep it up!

~ Sarra ~




Elizabeth1 says...


Thank you so much! I didn't know whether to put this piece in the essay section so I just put it in the other section. I was referring to love as one of the driving forces, I probably should have made that more clear by adding "one". I referred to love as a "poisonous drug" because that's all I've seen from love. All I've seen is the ugly and people not take it seriously, so in my eyes its just a drug. The first sentence in the last paragraph I probably should have started it with the fact that I don't know how to love someone in a romantic aspect.




Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
— Chinese proverb