One Week Later
Anton and Lindsay sat listening to David’s music. The stereo blasted nineties pop songs throughout the entire first floor of the mansion.
David stared into a mirror mounted in the hallway. Clean shaven, silver hair combed back, eyes their usual shade of dark brown – everything appeared normal on the surface.
Resuming his focus, he continued his pace towards the sofa chairs planted across from the main entrance.
“You’ve brought breakfast!” Anton greeted him, as he emerged from the corridor carrying three plates.
“I can tell someone had some experience as a waiter,” Lindsay flirted to the red-bearded man sitting beside her.
“He could wheel that food in, I’d still appreciate it every time.”
“Good morning!” David greeted them with enthusiasm.
“Good morning,” came the usual less enthusiastic reply.
“How did everyone sleep last night?”
Anton and Lindsay stared at him for a minute. Finally Lindsay broke the silence.
“We’ve been here for a week so I’m going to hazard a guess…” she paused and pulled her luxurious blonde hair back, “and say that you do know that Anton and I are not dating?”
“Don’t be silly!” David replied. “I know that, I’m just interested in how your rest last night compared to the last six nights.”
“Well it has been significantly less dramatic than the first night,” Anton replied, helping himself to a plate of omelette and sausage accompanied by a decorative herb he had never seen before.
A series of knocks broke the friendly atmosphere.
“I’ll get it,” David instructed his friends.
“Hello… oh no. This can’t be good,” He said opening the door.
Anton and Lindsay both turned to look at Lorenzo Peckleton, the farmer who shared David’s land. He was holding a decomposed human head in his hands.
“One of our sheep lured my daughter Nastassia towards this guy just this morning. I’m not an expert on decomposition but I’d say he was alive not too long ago.”
Anton spat out some omelette and began running towards the nearest bathroom.
“I’m fine,” Lindsay replied to their glances at what just happened. “I’ve seen worse things at breakfast.”
The CD playing in the background stopped as the final track concluded.
“Where did you say you found this?” David pressed the elderly farmer.
“Not too far from the outskirts of the forest bordering these parts. I can show you the part if you like.”
“No,” David interrupted. “I have a pretty good idea who did this.”
His brother Dante immediately entered his mind. As soon as Lorenzo held up the skull, he knew the face appeared familiar to the intruder who had used a prostitute to gain access to their mansion on the first night he moved in. Dante had probably killed the man but didn’t reveal the exact location as they got into a fight.
“I’ll let you finish breakfast in peace,” Lorenzo said. “Just don’t wander too far near the forest at night.”
“We won’t,” David and Lindsay replied in unison as David closed the door.
Anton emerged from the corridor in a new shirt striped Hawaiian.
“What?” He exclaimed at their reaction.
“If I’ll be in Tuscany for a while can’t I at least pretend to liven things up?”
David’s face changed.
“You okay dude?” Anton asked.
“I just realized we went an entire week without remembering Dante.”
“We?” Lindsay intruded. “I haven’t been able to forget spraying you both with pepper spray in the face!”
“Dante and I were close,” Anton added, “but you two are brothers I thought you were just handling things well.”
“Maybe I was suppressing thoughts of him, I need to find him, where are the keys to my car!”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hey!
Um, so you are missing some commas. Just read back, and find the places where you take natural breaks.
I really like your style of writing, though i think you need way more description. I like how straight forward and blunt you are.
I can't wait to see what happens next
~WickedWonder