Published October 24, 2005
something I have been working on for awhile and still not so sure about.
-Elephant-
--------------------------------
SECOND EDIT!
I have issues that I need to solve alone...
it's itching along my skin
this morphine reception
this spike of chills in my mind: a brainfreeze
shutting off all higher functions
i see an ashen tree, silk bark peeling
in the sweltering sun
sky filled with black dots
of carrion birds
forgetting that X's ever existed
forgetting to sign on the dotted line
the ache of shakes
is all that is left in this aftermath
please leave me alone
i have things i need to figure out,
the only thing that takes the edge off
is the darkness
where i can war in silence with
myself
fragments of glass and bone
poke through the flesh
blossoming blood tattoos shining
like a V for victory
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,257 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Thanks Matt, I fixed that I hope it's easier now.
-El-
Tattoo has two T's.
"i see a tree ashen silk bark peeling"-this line was a bit of a tongue twister for me, couldn't quite get my head around it. Loved the last stanza especially though, really good work.
Thank you TS, and niteowl for seeing that typo, I'll go fix it.
-El-
I really like it, I just have one teeny little possible typo: In the second to last line, you wrote "shinning". Is that a word? Did you mean shining? Otherwise, great job.
I like the way you chose your words, this poem is very good. I really liked it, and great work.
My favorite stanza:
forgetting that X's ever existed
forgetting to sign on the dotted line
the ache of shakes
is all that is left in this aftermath
Well done.
-*Twinkles