What kind of world forces you to live?
Reminds you of the past you can't forgive?
Takes away your final smile?
And holds it down until your wild?
What forces you to hide emotions?
Removes big thoughts like seas and oceans?
Takes away the child you rock?
Then turns around and starts to mock?
The way you look, the way you dress?
What kind of world, why don't you guess?
A world where kids are left alone
In a dark abandoned home?
Where animals are left unfed?
And young adults are left for dead?
Where the old relive the most worst days?
Where the young are living in a faze?
Where no one knows how to escape
These nightmares that keep us awake?
Do you know what it is like?
To sit alone, awake at night?
To feel the presence of another
Watching as you shrink down under
The sheets that hold you no protection
You shiver, cold and beg redemption
You feel cold hands upon your throat
As the figure starts to gloat
And laugh at your dying tears
And show you all your greatest fears?
Just that last second of pain
And then your gone. Never here again
Well so you know, that world is mine
One final question in this rhyme
Why don't you now use your mind...
And come and rescue me in time......
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139,139 Literary Works • 672,415 Reviews
'What kind of world fores you to live?" That hit me. Hard.
Very morbid but in an interesting way. You had me thinking throughout the whole piece. I was hanging to every word. Really felt this:)
'What kind of world fores you to live?" That hit me. Hard.
Very morbid but in an interesting way. You had me thinking throughout the whole piece. I was hanging to every word. Really felt this:)
Hello! my name is Cookie64 and I will be reviewing.
This poem made me think a lot about this world. For the most part, I loved how you used numerous literary devices like personification; this lures the reader into a thinking trance. The mood is set somber, but that is okay. For thoughts in the mind can be saddening or happy. I don't see any downsides in this, so just keep it up and go far.
-Cookie64
Hi.
I hate you...(sob..sob...) Why did have to ask questions like that? When I was trying to answer them. My heart was broken to thousands pieces.
Enough with the drama queen. Your poem was good.
Yes, I agreed with you about all the things you wrote. Almost all of them are happening right now.
(Do you know what it is like?)<( I don't think the question mark is necessary and just continued to the next stanza.)
(To sit alone, awake at night?)
Yes! I know...It was so scary, right?
I love this poem. I'm hoping for another. Do write more.
I hope this helped
Just dropping a review.
The pome was depressing, it held a feeling of sadness and eternal despair. But since I am into dark things like that, I absolutely loved this pome; just because of the way you presented it. Asking the readers serious questions, that might trigger shocking answers. One thing to work on thought is the structure. Make this stanza have sections, every pome is separated with sections. And another thing is to add more punctuation symbols instead of question marks. Some don't even belong where they should. Like when you said:
" A world where kids are left alone
In a dark abandoned home?"
A period should replace the question mark and a common should be placed after the word alone. You see what I am saying right? If not, look at some pomes here on the site, that should help you. Another thing is to add more than questions, add more statements and views; it makes the piece more interesting to read. I mean, it gets boring after reading each question. It kind of annoys the reader. Otherwise, I think you did marvelous on this pome; and I hope to see more from you in the future. Stay cool, and keep writing.
Sorry about that XD
Image to admit, this was my first EVER poem and was written quite a while ago.
I just thought it might be nice to share my work on more than one website.
Thanks for the support!
Never stop writing!
XxX