Published January 28, 2008
Why I am not like them?
Full of vision and plans
Then, I wouldn’t be alone.
Perhaps I am a kite,
Broke free of its strings,
Which is creative and wild,
Caught on a wind of crisis
It’s not my own fault,
I was left to my own devices.
And perhaps that I why,
I stay, and I wait and I write
In a morning’s euphoria
Or discontented sigh of night.
Why did you pick me?
To be romantic,
Full inner weather and strife
Why not a Doctor, a Lawyer,
A Butcher with a knife?
No, you gave me paper
And what do I do with it?
I stain it with a pen.
So I stay, and I wait and I write
Perhaps, I will know by then.
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140,635 Literary Works • 673,572 Reviews
This was excellent. I loved how you led up to the bit about the paper.
This line doesn't make sense. Maybe it was supposed to be 'is why'?
I think you meant 'Full of inner weath and strife'.
I loved the last line. And the way you relate to people in this is amazing... or maybe I just felt that way because I write. I suppose not everybody would understand. But, like bjordan, I felt like I was reading about myself.
Keep up the good work!
*adna*
Full inner weather and strife
Why not a Doctor, a Lawyer,
A Butcher with a knife?
No, you gave me paper
And what do I do with it?
I really like this bit...it is the only point of the poem where I feel I am being connected with the writer's conscious. However, the rest reads like a blank sheet of paper. I would suggest reading this aloud and your natural way of speaking will help with the flow of the poem. This is a great way for making even free verse have some form of structure.
I love how i felt like i was reading about myself.
I would also change the wouldn't to would not.
Everything else is very real and it flows well!
Hmm this is pretty good. I think there could potentially be too many questions in it though. I'm not sure if they add positively to the tone of the piece. Its up to you though, obviously.
Also, Unless it is just a typo it should probably be "Broken free of its strings".
Have you thought about breaking it into stanzas?
I do really like the theme though, it is relatable.
Yeah...not bad at all x
I've just had a look through and pointed out some suggestions that might make your poem sound a little better - no particular reason for some of these, just what I think could also work.
Overall, this is pretty good. It didn't wow me, but it definitely has potential. I liked the rhyming scheme, particularly at the end. Keep writing