Published February 4, 2010
We've all at some point felt about love resentfully, this is just the picture of that tidal wave of emotions.
Love
Rage.
Impotence.
Anger.
Loathing.
Frustration.
Love, how do I feel about love? Love is a son of a bitch, that’s what it is for many lonely stepper wolves like me; the neglected, the ignored, the unable to be tamed. The ones that only look from outside, who like me cannot break through the dense barrier of logic and reasoned thinking. Love is anger, love is nothing. Love is a lie; if so true it is it should prove itself existent. I hold my dearest grudge against this cruel tease for it does nothing but bring hope to the hopeless, faith to the faithless, yet never does it give love to the unloved. Never is it so kind as to let us know the path where shall it be found. It disgusts me and yet I hold restlessly tight next to my heart, close to my beliefs. Yet as much as I loathe it, I look for it, search for it helplessly. And though at the fail of my quest I become deceived and frustrated, I try once more. And yet does it let me down and as much I’m enraged, I forgive it. And just yet when it flows out of my tired reach, when impotence makes me shout and cry in a frenzied rage, I go back to chase after it. I believe in it, I believe in this tease just like everyone else. It makes me belong and it holds my stand when I walk through the fine, fine line between humanity and savagery. It makes me part of everyone and that repulses me. It makes me hope, and have faith again while at the same time I’m well aware of how deceived one ends up in the end. It makes me walk and run and cry and laugh, and that repulses me for it will break me in the end. It makes me helplessly believe in chances, and good nature, and opportunity. It makes me budge down and that repulses me. It makes me sane, normal, and fittable yet I hate it, it comes and goes like the liquid dance of waves. It shifts and disappears like the autumn wind in a golden sunset. It hardens me for it hurts, it weakens me for it knows how to reach inside; it tears me apart for it isn’t real. It makes me human, and that enrages me for I depend of it and its untrustworthy nature. But yet I feel because of it, and yet because of it I think of these words of hate. Yet people believe in it, yet people move mountains for it. And yet, I don’t wholly buy its savage taunting. And after all yet again, my question is, why love out of all things to hate?
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139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Alright then? So pissed off at love, (many of us are
) well not really, I enjoyed reading it, I like how you embrased youre ideas by using the same word (yet) and the metaphores. Quite lovely for such a harsh critic.
Hey Eigee,
So I'm going to do this a bit backwards but here it goes.
It didn't really appeal to me. Mainly because it just seems to be this whiny rant. And it's not really romantic fiction it's just...being pissed at love. And really it seems more to me like a well worded blog entry more than anything else.
I will say that I think you made it flow pretty well. Your beginning was hard to drill through, but after that it was smooth and you used repetition well but, I think you started to use repetition to get the same point across over and over. I mean you can only say something so many times before the reader just doesn't want to hear it anymore. I hope you understand what I mean by that.
Didn't mean to be a brat about it, I just see your potential and I think you could do a lot with this idea, but the rant mentality of it just sours any appreciation I could have for it.
Keep on writing, and if you want me to explain myself further then feel free to PM me.
-Lindsay
I Loved it! but it seems sort of like a rant and that's what it is but you should make it have more rest. I read it out loud and all the words stuck together saying one thing and one thing only... love sucks. But that was the message right? Jeez I was trying to review something for the night and now I'm just agreeing with you I better leave anyway keep up the awesome rantings I'll look for more!
I really can feel while reading this what you mean to say to us, the audience.
I enjoyed reading this
The only editing thing I can think of for now is to think about what you are doing with those repetitive lines. I like repetitiveness when it is used to hammer in a point (and can tell you are trying to do that) but im not sure if you are hammering in the right direction.
I really liked this
Agreed, you did use 'yet' a little much at the end, but it wasn't too much for me...
I love your flow in stitching one sentence to another, works beautifully.
Like Cheesy said, you need to break it up a little.
Overall this piece is very good. I'm sorry if this is more of an applaud than a review, but I couldn't help myself.
~Voice
Hi, PenNPaper here to review!
Okay, so this isn't really a story, but I find it great. To tell the truth, I don't know much about love. My definition? Plain and simple. Love is a special relationship between two people. That's all I would say. So I'm very amazed that you could write so much about a single word, good job. The only I would say is, are you a wolf? Cos I didn't know love between wolves was so complicated.
That's all I have to say, hope you keep writing and the best of luck for your future stories.
Ciao~
Hi! Welcome to YWS, it's awesome to meet you. I'm Grin, feel free to PM me if you need anything.
I enjoyed this, if enjoyed is the right word. It was well-written and you made some good points - at least, about how people percieve love, not necessarily about how love is. But since this is a first-person narrative, that's good, because it lets me see what the character is feeling.
So, the nitpicks:
You're very repetetive. And you keep using "for" instead of "because" - this gives it a sort of older feel, and the rest of it is written in fairly modern language.
Your description is good, but I'm not quite feeling this myself. Try experimenting with how you put your words together, how your description flows, because you're telling me about it, but you're not quite showing me.
Try breaking it up into paragraphs. It weould be a lot easier to read, which will draw more people in who would look at such a big block and click off.
Other than that, it's very good. Well done.
Hope I helped
~Grin