Young Writers Society

Hello! I really enjoyed reading your poem a lot. I love the dialogue! There are a few small mistakes that should be fixed.

As I am reading the poem I look over each time someone speaks. Typically there would be quotation marks (") but I see no quotations.

Another error is that there should be a period after each sentence. I see periods but where there should be a period, there is no period.

you knew that she couldn't finish

your sentences anymore,

This part confuses me when you say 'your sentences anymore,' I don't know If that was a typo or if you meant to say this or there is something I am just not getting but It just confuses me and possibly other readers.

Overall, I loved the poem and it has so much potential. I hope you keep up the good work and KEEP WRITING!

Hi fraey. I love your writing, its full of dialoges. I really enjoyed reading.
I think it going to be bit long.So lets jump in to review!
(No offense. I'm sorry if my way of reviewing makes you confused)

*1mistake: I suggest you captitalize the "I"s in the start and when you use "i" as meaning myself. First reason is, beacause'"i" need catilatlization in the start. Second is if you are refereing yourself you need to make "i" upper case.

*2 mistake: If it's a speech, or words sayed by a pesron you need potation mark (")

*3 mistake: You need period after a complete speech and a potaion mark after the speech is ended.

is it okay if i tell you a secret

one that i've held onto for years,

she asks you, her voice trembling

and so quiet you lean closer

over the table to hear her correctly.

(If you fix the mistake it will look like this:

"Is it okay if I tell you a secret?

One that I've held onto for years?"

She asks you, her voice trembling

and so quiet you lean closer

over the table to hear her correctly.)

———————————————
Repeated mistake: Capitalizing the "i" that repersenses a person, and as the start of a sentence.

Mistake 5: Period after each sentecence.

And I think I would be better if you emphsize the words she's thinking. So it's easier to diffrent see the what she's thinking and what her friend it thinking.

i think i'm losing my words,

she whispers, over a simmering

cup of tea that you got her.


———————————————
Repeated mistake 1: Capitalizing the "y" that is the start of a sentence.

Repeated mistake 2: Period after each sentecence.

Mistake 6: Putting "or" at a sentence that isn't compond sentence.

And I suggest you shorten up the last sentence. By putting period after "map of brain" and captalizing the "But".

you knew that she couldn't finish

your sentences anymore,

or that the billboards had to guide

her home instead of her roadway

map of a brain, but nothing that

would require muttered words

or hurried gazes over drinks.

———————————————
Repeated mistake 1: Capitalizing the "t" that repersents a person, and as the start of a sentence.

Repeated mistake 2: If it's a speech, or words sayed by a pesron you need potation mark (")

Repeated mistake 3: You need period after a complete speech and a potaion mark after the speech is ended.

I just want you to know that you should put period after "you're so smart". And capitalize "s" on "so" to make it a new set of words.

what do you mean, you're so smart, so --

the words fall out of your mouth,

mocking her with how easy

they come to your mind and not hers.

———————————————
Repeated mistake 1: Capitalizing the "tH" that repersents a person, and as the start of a sentence.

Repeated mistake 2: If it's a speech, or words sayed by a pesron you need potation mark (")

Repeated mistake 3: You need period after a complete speech and a potaion mark after the speech is ended.
what do you think i mean,

her voice is sharper now.

i think over a sentence and

everything reads the same,

even with the same words:

ominous, awe, even colors --

they're never anything unique.

———————————————

there must be something

i can do, you answer her,

as stubborn as you always

are, but this time you can't

solve her problems with

a nice gift or a wide grin.

——————————————

too bad for me, accompanies

a sharp breath, the only way

she ever knew how to laugh.

her face is quiet, nothing but

her blue eyes carrying a weight

you'd only seen on your mother

after her cancer diagnosis.

—————————————-

you smile softly and admit that

you're sorry and hopeful for her

while grasping her hand and

squeezing, to say without

words that you'll be here,

for me

Your poems is lovely, but I suggest you check the capitalizaion of word and puncuations.
Again I enjoyed reading it and no offense.

Thank you.

Keep on writing!

>ChrisDixon