Okay, bear with me because I am not good at poetry at all, but I felt like I had to try and write something like this. This is about my autistic brother.
I watch you, my brother
As you smile
As you laugh
How can you be so happy
When you are so different?
I see people look at you
Sometimes with fear
Wondering why you are so different from them
Why are you angry, my brother?
What are these demons that possess your mind?
Why do you lash out and scream
While your sister hides in her room
Only able to cry
Only able to pray
That somehow you’ll change
I am scared, my brother
Scared of your strength
Why do you hurt us when we love you?
Don’t you love us too?
We will always be there for you
Through all of the fear and anger
I want you to be happy, my brother
I know that you are different
But I love you just the same.
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Canary word: Present
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This poem has some great ideas, and if you work on it some more, it will really work well.
I think this has already been said, but the first stanza doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. It goes from your brother being happy and laughing, to him being angry. If you want to keep it like this, I suggest adding another stanza about happiness.
The way that you ask questions is interesting, and really draws the reader in, I think. It would be a bit better if you answered some of them, though, to an extent.
Other than that, the grammar was a bit off, so edit that.
Keep up the poetry! You're better than you think!
~RedBird
I agree with person above me. The first stanza seems to contradict the rest of the poem. In the beginning you ask him how he can be so happy; at the end you tell him to be happy.
So now you can look at it without the first stanza and with some punctuation sprinkled throughout, and see how you like it.
I like the idea and for the most part, it was a pretty good poem. I actually liked the idea of asking all these questions; but if I read this poem on its own and not the note above, I wouldn't know what was up with your brother; I would assume he was just a moody teenager.
Just some things to think about
xxooxx
***The universe**
You're first stanza seems out of sort with the rest of the poem. And you ask lot of questions, but you don't give a lot of answers. also your poem doesn't move too much throughout it. And you don't use total grammar. You should use all or none please.
You give more of a story, some more imagery would be nice.
Sorry I completely forgot everything else I wanted to say.
Oh well. Keep writing... I think.