I kissed the troll , behind the scaly skin , two foot fangs and crushing hands lay a kind and gentle being , better than the man who had captured him from Beruk island and brought him to london for the world to point and say what an ugly turd at.
i huged him on the leg , a smile spread on his face then , he fell to the floor , and died .
In london he roamed through unintentionlly stepping on cars and eating people , he was looking for me . In one last attemt to find me he climbed big ben and throu himself off it , when i came he lay on the floor , he got up , i kissed him and huged him never wanting to let go , he smiled fell to the floor and died.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this one is a really short little piece. It seems to have some semblance of a plot actually which is quite surprising for something as short as this thing is but the thing is that said plot doesn't really make any actual sense. Its just something random happens because of something that is also random. It doesn't have any sort of proper flow to it or anything like that which would make it a proper fully fledged story. So you need to work on that.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay....at first that sounds like a surprising opening to put it mildly. It's not the greatest but I can tell that will certainly be able to grab somebody's attention.
First of all that should be hugged and secondly well damn that was very direct. Nothing flowery or descriptive about that at all. He just straight up dies. The end.
Okay several typos here.
Those should actually be...
unintentionally
attempt
threw
hugges.
Another thing is that you've forgotten to capitalize London and the Big Ben.
And also I just don't know what this really is about. It's just meh and there's just nothing that properly makes sense in here and that's not a good thing.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: So overall nothing to say really. Its just a very simple plot that is written with minimal description and just minimal use of words in general. Its not very clear what's happening and why so this needs to be extended a little to make proper sense.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Well, for starters this sounds just like King Kong. You also said he died two times, that could have been some kind of hidden meaning. If so, you need to elaborate on that as well as your sentences to make it longer. Next, you need to put your story into sentences to to where the readers can follow and it makes sense. Like this:
(The *'s are going to be found throughout the story. The meaning of them are going to be at the bottom of your quoted work.)
That was with me fixing your errors.
*This seems a bit random. I fixed it but you probably don't need it. You could prehaps say what the people of London were doing. I.E: throwing things, cursing, ect.
*I don't think it'd be unientional if he was eating people.
*Something of that nature, you need to put more emotion into this piece.
I added some bits and pieces to make it run smoothly, but if you're really going to make this into a full fledged story, you need to elaborate on this subject. It seems to me like you got the idea from King Kong, but if you really want to write about it, you need to make it your own and add your own style. I know you're new, so if you decide to edit this you could probably just edit the post you already made. Welcome to the forum!
-Mattie*
Okay this reminds me of something and hugged has two g's. Attempt spelt with a p in it. Throw is spelt like that.
I know what this remind me of King Kong, anyway work on it make it bigger it's too small.
*eats someone
Acidents happen.