Angel.

Hotaru-Chan wrote:

He saw an angel of this he was sure,

I have to say, this line reminded so much of David Blunt's song 'Beautiful'. God that song was annoying...

Ask me to describe and I will only try,
Watch her smile, see the gleam in her eye.

It just doesn't flow for me... In my opinion it'd be better if you wrote 'I can only try' and then perhaps described something beautiful? A nice place for a pretty metaphor.

Miraculous far beyond compare,

Don't just say it. Show it.

Angel, put your hands in my pockets,

My favourite line. =]

Don't be scared upon fear and lies.

This line just doesn't make sense to me...

Overall

There's room for improvement, but I like the idea of it. Just remember, the best poets write their poems in days, not minutes.

It's not David blunt, it's James Blunt. gosh, get your names right. (haha I'm just kidding)

ok, anyways, this was pointless, except to say how much I love that song, and this poem was awesome
keep it up!!

this poem is amazing. just plain amazing. it might be because i love an angel myself, i dont know.

Angel, put your hands in my pockets

what exactly are you implying?
i really like the last two lines. they just wrap everything up very very nicely.

--mark--

DustyFreeman wrote:He felt a wet drop fall to his hand(;)
He shouldn't be crying(,) for he is a man(.)
He saw an angel(,) of this he was sure(.)
I see her and fall upon once more(.) <--- What does this mean?
Ask me to describe and I will only try(.)
Watch her smile, see the gleam in her eye.

Miraculous(,) far beyond compare(.)
Day turns to night(;) I can't help but stare(.)
Night after night(,) my heartbeat shows fear.
No matter what I do(,) I know you are there.

Are you waiting for the sun to (say)"hello"?
Be still, my Love, let your heart show (its) glow. <--- No apostrophe needed here.
I'm lost as candlelight at noon,
(l)onging to be with you(.)
Angel, put your hands in my pockets,
Don't be scared upon fear and lies.
Because we know what this is and we know how none compared.
If our fellow (space here) men ask what this is,
We simply reply "It's love that we shared."

Hey Dusty ^^ Shina here. I really liked this poem. The flow didn't seem too forced. The last stanza wasn't too good for me, but I definitely liked the beginning. The idea was good and I liked it. It's good. I fixed some of the punctuation as you can see.

Other than that, I habve nothing else to say.

~Shina

He saw an angel of this he was sure,

I have to say, this line reminded so much of David Blunt's song 'Beautiful'. God that song was annoying...

Ask me to describe and I will only try,
Watch her smile, see the gleam in her eye.

It just doesn't flow for me... In my opinion it'd be better if you wrote 'I can only try' and then perhaps described something beautiful? A nice place for a pretty metaphor.

Miraculous far beyond compare,

Don't just say it. Show it.

Angel, put your hands in my pockets,

My favourite line. =]

Don't be scared upon fear and lies.

This line just doesn't make sense to me...

Overall

There's room for improvement, but I like the idea of it. Just remember, the best poets write their poems in days, not minutes.