The voices haven't stopped for almost a week.
Waking me in my sleep until I've killed all the sheep
Inside of these shape shifting nightmares
That we live out every night here.
Verses in the dead or verses in my head,
Perhaps just voices echoing instead;
What did we miss? Something we read,
Burning bad memories again inside of my head.
Somewhere again, some other day,
Perhaps these verses will find their way...another way.
Verses in the dead and voices in my head,
Lying to me about everything that you said.
I try to forget it and get it away,
It's right there screaming at me every day.
The lies that were told to make it seem easy,
To get them away; nobody believed me.
The pain will remain and the hate isn't gone.
How long will these voices singing verses carry on?
© 82418
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hey! Happy Review Day!!!
I thought this poem had a bit of an Edgar Allen Poe vibe to it- at least, the sort of tempo and the way you worded things kinda sounded like that to me. Mind you, I haven't read much of his work. But my boyfriend read me... The Raven? I'm not sure if that's the title, but it's something like that. And yeah, has a similar vibe in my opinion! Although, yours was a little lighter than his!
I thought this was an interesting image in that, usually while people are trying to fall asleep, there's that thing where they'll say "count sheep". But I thought it was interesting that it's not counting sheep in here, but rather killing o.o which is a tad concerning in this context for some reason.
One thing I noticed was that 'head' was repeated a lot in this poem. Repetition of one word or a phrase can get really tiring in poetry- especially since because poetry tends to be on the shorter side, you need every word and phrase to count, it all needs to be helping out and working to make the piece as strong as possible. So usually repeating words can kinda make the poem a little less impactful to the reader. My advice is to try to limit the use of "head" and other potential repetitive words in this piece. And if you need to, try to words some different words to describe the same thing. Or find a new way of saying the thing you wanted to say that allows you to omit the other word.
I thought this line had a really lovely flow to it! Kudos to that!
Anyway, I hope this helped somewhat! Keep up the awesome writing!
-Holysocks
I really like the way this was written! And I like the words that kept being repeated, because it makes the message even stronger! I do think that there can be a lot of messages you can take away from this poem, which is good! I like poems that you can derive your own meaning from. Sometimes I think the rhymes were used a little too much, if that makes sense. However, you don’t have to remove these, you probably did it on purpose. And since your poem was written last year and has so many meanings to you, I don’t think you should change it at all. Overall, awesome poem!
Wow, powerfull message. This is a nice poem, but just a little tip, try to be extremely specific when using symbolism, such as replacing "until ive killed all the sheep" with "until ive killed the counting sheep" or something as such, in order to help the reader effortlessly understand what you mean while still keeping the symbolism you originally intended. All in all however, a great poem. Keep it up, and I look foward to hearing some more.:3