A lone candle burns throughout the night
in a futile war with the shadow.
Standing defiant, it casts its light
but the relentless night will dim its glow.
The lone candle will die in the night.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hi there DustAfterRain!
I rarely really try to understand works like these (shorter pieces), but for some reason I did for this. I must say that even though it's a short piece, you say so much in such few lines. I absolutely love your imagery, the scene of a candle fighting to stay lit in the dark. I agree that the narrative could be further developed. You could turn this into something just as beautiful but with more description. That being said, it conveys a powerful and intriguing story as is. I don't really have anything else to say. You've wonderful talent!
Hey there DustAfterRain.
Welcome to YWS and congrats on publishing a poem. Let the reviewing begin.
-Let me start by saying that I liked your poem. The mood that you cast was very eery, slightly depressing but I think that is what you were aiming for.
-Your poem is a bit short and my review will be too because of the length. I would recommend revising and trying to create a bit more content. At the moment you end with "The lone candle will die in the night." I think you might be able to extend this further, perhaps to the point of death rather than just the brink. If not just leave it as a poetic clift hanger.
-I did not see any spelling errors or grammar for that matter. Great job on that!
-lizzy
Hi DustAfterRain,
well your name itself emotes zillions of emotions and that is reflected in your writing too.
The flame of a candle actually never cast it's shadow. if I take that then the next line of 'futile war' sits aptly.
that's how we live our life. A futile war against temporary phases like 'Night'. knowing that it is bound to go away, we put our heart and soul in fighting it out and end up with nothingness.
i really really loved what you wrote. Amazing will be an understatement.
Please keep on writing. It touched me well. I will keep looking for what's coming up from you.
XoXo
Bipasha