Published August 28, 2014
The somber clouds of monsoon no longer loom over us,
their more jovial cousins sparsely float about in place.
Our lakes, streams are filled to the brim now, tipping over-
their
thirst satisfied but they no longer hastily race.
The crops have revived, gloating their dew kissed green,
the light mustard flowers sway, their spirits singing to the breeze;
The cattle sluggishly grazing, their lazy grunts overlap,
the
birds longingly call, their cries melodiously rang.
As the sun shies away
(or hides envious of the golden rice harvested)
You know today it’s been forgiving,
like a
nurturing ma and not the ruler, reigning.
The mud indented by my hands, murky droplets swarming my lungs,
The fish splashing in the background,
as if
the water could heal their tugs.
My homesick sighs have truly met their worth.
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Well, I think I have just found a perfect poem.
Thank you <3
Bliss.
Oh my o;
Breathtaking poem! I can't believe you fit that much description into so short lines. I wonder where this home is located...
The opening lines were quite troublesome for me to understand because it didn't seem to flow right (if that makes any sense). Personally, I would suggest a revision of the line because as detailed as it was, confusion was all I could feel while reading it. But then again that is just my own personal opinion
I think your rhyme scheme was great; not forced and not carelessly strung together at the same time. It's pretty hard for me to keep rhymes going that go along with the tone of the poem so bravo to you!
My favorite line has to be this one:
"As the sun shies away
(or hides envious of the golden rice harvested)"
Whoa!! That was just superb! The personification was perfectly stated and I could literally imagining a sun set in the way you describe it as being; a motion of humbleness or a motion of frustrating envy.
I loved this poem because I know the feeling of being far away from home and reminiscing over the scents and sounds and every day activities.
I think you did great with this one.
Write on, Love!!
Thanks a bunch!
And this home is Bangladesh ^_^
I usually don't agree with "overly poetic" pieces... But I think it really works with this.
I love your detailed descriptions. You used so many of what I like to call "Big Kid Words" and yet they don't seem like big kid words. You've made it work in a very strange, yet near perfect way!
I believe you truly have talent, if all of your work comes off like this that is. Again, you did a wonderful job.
In fact, I can't pick a favorite line.
"As the sun shies away" Is so short and beautiful that it would almost work in any situation. (poem situation that is.) Anything from romance to horror!
Again, congrats on this creation of yours.
Good Luck To You!!!
Very good, i really like it. It was extremely discriptive and emotive, without taking away from the navative that you have weaved through it. You have made it both 'happy' while still making the person kinda miserable which shows the human emotion as well as a description of the setting. It was very well written and interesting.