Published September 13, 2008
My final lifeline,
My only hope.
If this doesn't work,
How will i cope?
I've tried to be strong now,
I've wanted to fall.
But now that im here,
I'll give it my all.
The nights now are lonley,
My mind shut down.
Perhaps way up there,
You can ease my frown?
I want to give in,
I want to cave.
So i don't have to cope,
With tryingt to be brave.
All i ask for is little,
A chance to take.
I'm torn appart,
By my own mistakes.
I can't take the regrets,
As they cram up my head.
It's this or the end,
Inside im already dead.
So bring me to life now?
As i plead in despair.
Wishing on nothing,
Nothing but air.
I aimed to try and capture that feeling people have when they are on the edge of despair, when they feel all their options are closed and they are so desperate to revive themselves that 'wishing on air' - basically on emptyness is all they are capable of.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,388 Reviews
Good concept; I like it. However you seem to have some controversial issues with grammar. You have good punctuation and capitalization and then just the opposite... sometimes in the same exact sentence. What?
Even if you were writing this in a hurry, that is no excuse. It only takes a couple minutes to read over and edit tiny things like that.
Some spelling errors and typos I spy as well.
As I said before, I like the concept, you caught your theme very well. You also kept rhythm and flow throughout the entire poem. Nice work!
Best Regards,
Doctor