Tiny Life

For me, it was okay. I wasn't that interested. It had a Dr. Suess feel to it. It felt like you were scratching the surface of something that has potential to go deeper, if you work on it.

Keep writing.

I like this poem, but I agree with the others. You should break it up differently. Overall, though, it was fun to read. Keep it up.

I like what you got here but it is pretty vague. It is ok but it needs help in aliging the poem so below i had an idea so here it goes...

I hold in my hands a tiny house, add comma here
with tiny people and a tiny mouse,
a cat, a dog, and a leaping frog, need a comma here also
all nestled about the tiny house.

I hold in my hands a tiny barn with horses,
cows and, tiny meows.
Roosters and chicken scratching for pickins,

So if ever your hands start itching, before your fingers start twitching, think about my poem and what you hold in your hands.

Well I like it this way you needed some commas here and there but it is ok.

If you have any questions feel free to pm me at anytime.

Have a good day. SimonCowell Luver

Oof... I'm not so sure about this myself.

I liked the idea and think that it's pretty original, but what does it really represent? I can't really find any other meaning behind it, and the plain and simple story just doesn't bode well with me. I like to read stuff that says one thing, but then on the other hand, talks about something that is deep and meaningful.

Also, I'm not so sure about the structuree, as it seems to be all over the place to me. I think you've crammed too many syllables into single lines and so therefore, this makes it tediousto read. Try and cut down the syllables, even just by creating more lines. This would help with the flow and also make it more interesting to read.

Also, you need to sort out your commas as there seems to be an overload of them. With a little bit of tweaking around, this will be tonnes better. Happy editing!

Ginge.

:]

hekategirl is right. The spacing and punctuation helps make it flow. I had to look over the poem again to see what you were trying to say. But I liked it, it was good. It is a good family poem, good job.

I really liked this! it had beautiful rhythm and the rhymes were flawless. I do think you should break it up differently though. Maybe something like this:

I hold in my hands
a tiny house with tiny people and a tiny mouse,
a cat, a dog, and a leaping frog
all nestled about the tiny house.

I hold in my hands a tiny barn with horses,
cows
and tiny meows.
Roosters and chickens scratching for pickins.

So if ever your hands start itching,
before your fingers start twitching,
think about my poem and what you hold in your hands.