I write for character, if this confuses you at all xP. That and its mean't to be almost like a preface in the eyes of my protagonist, so, if you are confused as to why I said 'holding in your hands' and such, it is because it is mean't to be taken as something leading into the novel. Hopefully my point comes across! And feel free to rip it apart of you so choose!
Prologue:
My name is Athira Anna Adenva. My home… well, there hasn’t been a place I’ve had the privilege of calling such a term. If anything, the word ‘homeless’ would assume me very well if the imagery wasn’t of a bearded man living in a box. No, I’ve always had a place to sleep. There was never a night I went hungry. It is not as if I have been without roof over my head or clothes on my back, merely because it is not in those terms that I should call myself dispossessed.
For, in all my travels, I have never found the emotional tie that should ever hold me back from him.
I’m sorry. I get ahead of myself quite a bit and am a horrible narrator more often than not. The ramblings of a young lady are surely not the ones I’ll bet you expected to find yourself reading, and yet, in your hands is me. You hold my soul without refinement or, in this case, without fear. It is yours to love; to hate. It is what you wish it to be for I… well, in all honesty, I am merely hoping to be the protagonist of this story. Truth be told, I’m not sure even now if I ever was capable of becoming a heroine.
So please, if you will. Read what you wish of it. Take what you will of it. I hope only that you give it a chance. That you give me a chance, whether or not I should fulfill it. That way I will have done what I set out to do. That way, my purpose shall be something more detrimental than what it has turned out to be.
And I hope only for my words to be as they would roll from my tongue. I am no poet; no scholar. My writing is the farthest thing from the romance of Bronte or the sardonic nature of Hawthorne. So, if you will, this is my story. In these pages is the closest thing I have ever come to a home and now, it is yours. Do as you will.
~
End of chapter
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,487 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay...a very interesting starting point that we've got here. It appears that we've got someone with a house but without a place that you can call "home' if I'm understanding this description correctly here and I've certainly never seen a story start with an idea quite like that before, so this immediately manages to catch my attention here.
Well, this is all very fourth wall breaky stuff, so that is actually quite a lot of fun. I've seen self aware protagonists before, but this is maybe the first time I've seen someone self aware enough to feel insecure about their own role as a protagonist, well if the earlier didn't catch my attention enough, then this one certainly manages to make absolutely certain I'm not putting this story down for some time.
Well, when you make such a humble request, as a reader you really can't say no. At any rate, I really love this concept that you've got going on here. I don't believe that I've ever seen something quite along these lines before and so I find myself really wanting to know more about what happens next here.
Overall, well you don't get a piece more fitting for a prologue than this....and well, I daresay it does it's job as a prologue really well here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
can't wait to read more i loved this!
Dreamwalker,
Yes your piece has been commented on and adored by many and yet I hate reading anything without leaving a breadcrumb behind in my trail of endless wandering through YW:) I truly enjoyed the prologue, it was intriguing and it felt very natural while reading, like someone else mentioned; kind of like a diary. I didn't really see any errors though I've never been a strong judge when it came to those so I don't often voice them. I definitely will be reading on, you have pulled me into the story and I want to get to meet Athira there and learn more about her, she seems like a strong character and a well envisioned one at that. Great work.
~Dakota Knight
Hey Dreamwalker!
Right, what to do with this...
As a piece I like this, but I'm not sure if it's a good prologue. It might sit better as an advert or a forword. A prologue is a good way to catch your readers attention, and give them a taste of what's ahead. The taste is there, but there is nothing really gripping about it. The easiest way in this situation is to ask, what has your character got to gain or lose, and show this to your reader.
I also have to question where this girl is coming from. There is a very sophisticated tone to her voice, and yet the life she is describing seems more humble. She also claims to not be a schollar, but the use of words like 'sardonic' would inply otherwise.
I'll emphesise that this is a good piece, it's beautifully written, and makes me feel as if I'd just picked up someone's diary. As a prologue though you may need to edit it a little.
One last note: don't have your narrator apologise for herself, at least not so frequently or so early in. Right now you want to give your reader a sense of certainty which they are not going to get from a narrator who apologises for her own inadequecy as a narrator.
Now, on to chapter one.
Damn. Part of me was hoping to return the scalding (but thoroughly helpful) review you gave one of my short stories. But my hopes were dashed when you sucked me in. I particularly liked the mentioning of beareded men in boxes. I found it amusing. You didn't have to worry about your message not getting across because it was very well written. I'll be reading on. Again partially in hopes of lending my constructive criticism, but after this prologue I highly doubt it will be required.
Haha sorry had to read it again XD was needing some inspiration and I really hope you will be adding more to this ^^ Well until you see me again!!! Good Luck and Happy Writing!!!!!!
Soulkana<3
Very good piece! I hope to read more soon! Keep me informed and I'll comment on more!
I have a problem pronouncing strange names but that's just me. You don't have to change the characters' names. Just my opinion of course.
That's all I have to criticize. Good job
Oh my god that was amazing. I actually could vision a young woman telling the story as it was. I can't wait for more nor can I wait to find out what happens. At a first glance I truly do not see anything that needs changing or spelling errors but with my sleeplessness I am positive I wouldn't have noticed. So when I'm more awake and alert I shall look very close to truly give you a better review. As of now I can say this: It was amazing and I absolutely love it and shall read more of your work the minute I have time. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3