Published April 17, 2012
A child runs across a field behind my house, remember the innocence? Two girls in bright colours giggle past the ice-cream truck, I remember how it felt to be worry free. Cars upon cars, parked in gardens or on the side of the road. Different makes, sizes, colours. I wonder who the drivers are, what kind of drivers are they? By accident, would they knock the little boy in the blue coat down? Maybe not, I just over think things.
As I remember all the things I used to think about, tears sail my face, docking on my t-shirt. I no longer can wonder who the man in the black hoodie is, if he is struggling with his life or why he has he's hood up when its not raining. I have my own worries to worry about and wrongfully, they are more important.
Last week my Grandmother told me my Father was coming to see me. I was angry but curious. He came we exchanged pleasantries. Then he came right out and told me I wasn't from this world, no I am not an alien. Let me explain. According to my Father there is an other Earth, hidding from all things mundane. This world separated from ours because of the violence, diseases, distruction and evil that humankind was developing. This malicious behaviour was leaking into the earths natural energy, polluting it. On the other Earth the air is richer, thicker. The rain is clearer almost crystal like. I admit I don't know much about this hidding planet, but that will change for I have a choice to make. My Father informed me that their Queen had died, and no I am not the heir to the throne, and I'm glad because the struggle for power is immense. It's my job to chose who the next leader will be, but more importantly I have to choose which world will be my home.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,518 Literary Works • 673,289 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
A rather relaxing scene from the first couple of lines, just a small child running about on a normal sounding day there, and then of course we have this person imaging something potentially horrific happening. It makes for a very interesting start there, cause you definitely immediately start questioning the potential mindset of this person to be thinking of such possibilities.
Hmm...this passage certainly brings an interesting couple of things to light here. It looks like this is a place that this person used to sit and wonder about the rest of world and the problems the people around them might have had, but now it appears this person has some fairly pressing problems of their own and end up contemplating those and can longer be relaxed like they were earlier.
Well that escalated rather fast....was not at all expecting the direction that this took here, it just became almost a whole different story with all these parallel universes and world altering decision and well, I think it all happens a little bit too fast here...like I love the direction this is going on...but you need to reveal these things wayyy slower, this is bordering on being a very random info dump here...so yeah, you're going to have to look into that a little bit.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This prologue is excellent! I agree with the others about length, but it's not a major problem at all. I'm just wondering something: did the main character already know about her father's belief in another world, or was she just told all of these things when her father told her she wasn't from Earth? So far this is really good and when you have chapter one up please notify me I would love to read it!!! Happy writing!
-Picklesole
I think that this is a very terrific prologue! I liked all of the innocence and the curiosity floating in the air. I agree with dreaming the life on the metaphors and description and stretching it out. I realize it is a prologue, but I could use a little more space in the part where she talks about her dad. I am deeply curious as to why she is so upset at her father and why she is having such difficulty in deciding where to make her home. Thank you for a fantastic read! I hope I can read more later on!
Morgan JD
I love it!
<3 very descpritive and i love your use of metaphors, to quote "tears sail my face, docking on my t-shirt" 
Its straight to the point yet raw and full of emotion, would benefit from stretcing it out though 
csnt wait to read more of this!!! xxxxxx
Thanks
I was going to make it longer, got distracted by facebook though. :L
xxxxx
I'll try my best to write more.
Its ok the way it is just use the same material and drag it out a bit
and you so should your gifted at it xxxxx
Haha thanks
That means a lot seriously 
You better keep writing!!
Did that make sense ? :L xxxxxx
If I'm gifted your a master at being ingenious.