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Under the Blanket of Stars

by Dreamer4ever15

It was midnight when Annie slipped out of her window and headed for the empty field behind her house. The frigid night air wrapped around her, and the thin blue jacket she wore wasn't enough to keep out the chill. Despite the cold, she refused to go back inside with that insufferable woman she called mother. So she tramped on through the field, the dead grass crunching beneath her scuffed boots. 

A porch light flickered on in the distance, and the only sound that could be heard was the quiet chirping of crickets. As she walked her mind started to drift till she was completely absorbed in her thoughts, unaware of anything outside her mind. Then the toe of her boot connected with something hard, and a sharp cry startled Annie from her musings. 

"Hey, watch it!" A deep voice snapped. Looking down, Annie saw the figure she had ran into lying out in the grass. As the person sat up, she realized it was a boy, who appeared to be around her age, or a year or two older. He rubbed the top of his head where her boot had hit, and glared. 

"S-sorry." Annie stuttered, thrown off guard by the unexpected encounter. "I didn't see you." 

"Obviously." The boy grumbled. 

"Well why are you doing out here in the dark?" She questioned defensively. After all it wasn't her fault she hadn't seen him. 

"I could ask you the same thing." He retorted. 

"I was just," Annie pursed her lips, trying to think of why she should tell him, a complete stranger, about her troubles. Sighing, she shrugged her shoulders, feeling suddenly drained. "Escaping." She admitted quietly. 

The boy nodded, as if he understood; which he probably did seeing as he was laying out in a cold, empty field, instead of inside where it was warm. Annie regarded him, noticing his neatly combed jet-black hair that matched the night sky, and his dark, forrest green eyes, were sharp and stood out against pale ivory skin. He wore faded blue jeans, and a black hooded jacket that blended into the darkness, and on his feet were a pair of white sneakers. 

"I'm Annie." She said without thinking, and mentally berated herself when she saw him roll his eyes. 

"Thomas." He replied with a huff, probably not caring at all who she was. 

"Sorry for running into you, Thomas." Annie apologized, feeling guilty when she saw him rub his head and wince. 

He scowled, "I just go by Tom." 

"Oh, right. Well sorry I ran into you, Tom." Annie corrected. An awkward silence ensued, till Tom stood up, brushing grass from his jeans and grumbled something she couldn't hear. As he stood, Annie realized he was only a few inches taller than her, his chin coming almost even with the top of her head. 

"I'm headed back, you can have the field to yourself now." He said, glancing at her once more before turning, and heading in the opposite direction she had come. 

"Okay, nice meeting you." She mumbled, watching him walk off. Sighing, Annie glanced up, a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips at the sight of the little white dots that illuminated the inky sky. Sitting down, she felt herself slowly begin to relax, despite the freezing ground that made her shiver. Her mind was blissfully blank as she gazed up at the stars, and only when her eyes began to droop did she stand up and head back to the house. As she walked through the field, under the blanket of stars, Annie found she couldn't stop a pair of forrest green eyes from filling her thoughts. 

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48 Reviews

Points: 970
Reviews: 48

Mon Jul 06, 2015 1:56 am
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Edelweiss says...

Hey there, Adel here to give you a review!
I love this it was so cute! Tom's personality is so funny and blunt, I love it!
It seems to me everybody else pointed out all of the mistakes, no point in telling you twice.
You really did do a amazing job, I really, really hope you wright a second part!

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53 Reviews

Points: 1025
Reviews: 53

Wed Jul 01, 2015 6:43 am
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roeckercody wrote a review...

This is super adorable actually. I was grinning cheekily by the end. I adore stories of that sort of love and first sight when it is played such as this. Eventually, if you continued with this story, I would add more detail to who these people are. I love backstories and think they are important to understanding a character. I think that this has a lot of potential and you can do a many great things with it. You have good descriptions and a nice vocabulary set which I can always admire from a writers perspective, that is huge. Keep up the intriguing work!

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284 Reviews

Points: 4250
Reviews: 284

Wed Jul 01, 2015 3:41 am
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RubyRed wrote a review...

Hey Dreamer4ever15. I thought this was kind of cool. The idea was fun and you went straight into the story; also I loved the description you added to this piece. There were some things that need correcting though so here we go!


"S-sorry." Annie stuttered, thrown off guard by the unexpected encounter. "I didn't see you."

when you add Annie stuttered, ... you need to put a comma after sorry.


"Obviously." The boy grumbled.

again comma instead of the period and lower case the.


You really didn't make an understanding or attraction between Tom and Annie. You said at the end she thought of his eyes but earlier you didn't mention them.

Anyway, keep writing, I'd love to hear more!


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132 Reviews

Points: 2485
Reviews: 132

Wed Jul 01, 2015 12:32 am
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racket wrote a review...

Hello, racket here to review your work!
Okay, first off, I want you to know that I really like this and only notice the occasional grammar mistake! So, good job. This is a really cute idea, by the way. 0.0 You should write a series of shorts about these two. ;) I like them.
Okay, so, first thing I noticed.

Despite the cold, she refused to go back inside with that insufferable woman she called mother.

It would work a bit better here if you changed 'with that' to 'to that', because it sounds as if the mom had come outside with Annie. '...that insufferable woman she called mother.' 'she called a mother' or 'she called Mother' is what you need here, as 'mother' is the name Annie gives her mom. The relationship sounds a bit more frosty if you add an 'a' in there, though.
"Hey, watch it!" A deep voice...

'A' here should not be capitalized. Only if when you're describing someone's voice who has spoken with a pronoun should it be capitalized. Two sentences after this part, you need to take out the second comma, or re-write this sentence, as it is a bit choppy. It's not bad, but it's not great in the smooth-ness and understand-ness categories.
"Obviously." The boy grumbled.

Here, just as the 'a' in the above quote, the 'The' should not be capitalized.
"Well why are you doing out here in the dark?" she questioned defensively.

'"Well, what are you doing out here in the dark?" she asked, suddenly defensive.' Would work a bit better here. It's just a bit clearer of her emotion, as 'questioned' is a bit clunky and large, and 'why' doesn't work in context.
'till Tom stood up, brushing grass from his jeans and grumbled something she couldn't hear.'
I'm not sure if 'till' or ' 'til ' is more accurate, so I guess it's your choice of which to use. The sentence should add a comma after 'and', and change 'grumbled' to 'grumbling'. It's just a bit neater. So the sentence would look like this: 'till Tom stood up, brushing grass from his jeans, and grumbling something she could hear.'
In the next paragraph, 'He said' should be 'he said', and the 'and' should be taken out, as the comma's enough pause.
'She mumbled' should be 'she mumbled'.
...sight of the little white dots that illuminated the inky sky.

Take out 'that illuminated' and replace it with 'illuminating'. It would be a bit smoother here.
In the last sentence 'forrest' should be 'forest'.
Okay, that's it! Only minor little spelling errors and the occasional clunky-sentence issue. Good job! I really like this. Write more! I want to know what happens to Tom and Annie. 0.0
Thanks for writing! Keep it up!

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213 Reviews

Points: 150
Reviews: 213

Tue Jun 30, 2015 9:46 pm
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dark wrote a review...

Hi, I'm dark, and this is a nice piece of work you've got started here!
So from what I've seen, this is turning out as a typical love story. Girl runs into some random boy and he soon invades her idle thoughts once he's gone. Mind you there's nothing wrong with that. I at least know why Annie felt the need to run away; her mother. However, I feel like that this fact was kind of thrown in there to give reason to action. I'm sure you'll elaborate more on this witch of a mother as the story continues, but be careful with that. You don't wanna leave readers TOO far in the dust. Also I noticed a little mistake...

He scowled, "I just got by Tom."

Should be "go" instead of "got", though I'm sure you know that. Not a big deal, just some little nitpicking. Keep up the story, I'm sure it'll turn out great! :twisted:

~The dark one.

Thank you for the review! I have corrected the mistake, thank you for noticing that! :)

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