Published September 12, 2009
Just kind of wrote it for fun. I'm sure as writers you've heard this all before. If you have anything to add comment it!!
It’s too abstract
I don’t get it
Ummm….it was good
What did you mean by the last stanza?
Can you read that again?
I need to read it several times before I get it
That’s your opinion
We don’t all know your own mind set
The detail is unbalanced
Shouldn’t that line be before that one?
One more week
The grammar— well— yea
Print it again
Save, save, save
You used that word 10 times
Use a dictionary, a thesaurus
I still don’t get it
It doesn’t have to be fancy
No fluff
Shhhh, while she’s reading
You can do better than that
Last chance
How many pages?!
Shorten it
Thesaurus!
Everybody done?
Read
...I still don't get it.
*if you've been told even more as a writer than comment it. I'll add it in!!
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139,476 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
This was pretty fun to read. I like the fact that it's not broken up into any stanzas. It's like one frenetic train of thought, and in my head I imagine the voice telling it getting winded from not taking any breaths. Dig it, compadre.
Haha. I really like this.
I love the repetition of "I don't get it", and also;
"You used that word 10 times".
I also love;
"Shhhh, while she’s reading",
but I'd cut the comma.
I'd cut "own" before mind set. (Also, mindset should be one word!) I'd also change "that line" to "this line", and cut "one more week", as it doesn't tie in tightly enough with the rest of the poem.
Other than that, I can't see anything I'd change.
Hope this helps.
Jas
That was what EVERYone goes through, I loved it. I couldn't stop smiling come line one. Although it might've been either easier to read, or something of the sort if you broke it up into stanza's. But I understand if you want to keep it as just one big poem, it flows much nicer i assume. Besides the fact that it bounced around alot from one thing or the other- was that to better show how confusing writing editing grammar etc is?- it was well organized, if anything a bit chaotic in rhythm and scheme, but that again is probably just the style. Great job! I honestly can't say there was something really wrong with your poem.