Published February 15, 2010
Okay.. I know it's kind of awkward at parts. And I'm very sorry about that! I got kinda stuck at some parts. 
But I hope you guys enjoy reading it anyways! 
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When I look up at the stars
I think about how far you are
I think about how much I miss you
And how much I want to be with you, too.
I think about your beautiful smile
I haven’t seen it in quite a while.
I think about your gorgeous eyes
Which are always are a wonderful surprise.
But the thing I think about the most is
All the great times we spent together.
But they’re gone forever.
My eyes swell up with tears
Wishing and needing for you to be here.
I become unstable and fall to the floor
Sobbing and crying because I don’t have you anymore.
You were my entire world!
My one and only perfect girl!
The pain gets worse and worse
Is there no end to this curse?
I take a deep sigh and let it all in
Waiting and waiting for this sadness to end.
I don’t know what else to do but look at the sky
Then all I see is your gorgeous eyes.
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139,596 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
hey there dreamwriter,
i liked your poem. it was quite relatable. and i didn't find it akward at all, you should have more confidence in your work. though the second time i read it, i did notice a sort of struggle somewhat to make it rhyme. try writing in free verse, it's simpler, and you can get your message across even better, though you already convey your feelings pretty well. figure out everything you want to say, THEN try to rewrite sentences to make a rhyme scheme. also, when you're rhyming, try to stay away from the (oh my god here comes my horrible spelling skills) clee-shays (haha oh my god). the most common is you and too. don't do it. and together & forever. you seem to me an intelligent young girl. you can do better than that.
anyways, you've got some work ahead of you but i see a lot of potential! keep working and stay positive!