No Smoking.

by DrammaMomma

Published November 16, 2008

Inhaling and exhaling, all that smoke.
This is seriously, not a joke.
Cigarettes are expensive, don't you see why?
You're influencing others to give it a try.

I tried to escape, but they were everywhere.
Smoking here, smoking there.
They were selfish, only cared about themselves.
They didn't care, about anyone else.

The youth of today is warned not to even try,
Is it all just a hypocritical lie?
Some smokers are considerate while others aren't.
Some can control while some just can't.

In the eyes of the young,
I plead you all to think about others.
Especially the little babies and pregnant mothers.
You're harming yourself, it's self-destruction.
You might not recover, no matter how much construction.

Here's some good news, it's not the end of your life.
You can recover, if you strive.
It's takes the willpower and some persistence,
Don't give up, you need the commitment.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
kloka
Review
kloka wrote a review Review · Nov 17, 2008

Hi,
We are learning about cigarettes in health at school at the moment.
Its really bad to smoke,
did you know that if you smoke while pregnant,
you can give birth to a really tiny baby,
in some cases I think you can get a disease called gang-green where bits of your body drop off, and your fingernails and teeth can turn yellow or brown,
Gross!!!!!!
but anyway,
I agree with CK Lynn,
you are preaching sort of and everyone already knows smoking is bad for you.
so make it interesting,
liven it up.

User avatar
DrammaMomma
Comment
DrammaMomma commented Comment · Nov 16, 2008

Hey there, thanks for the reply. (: I will review my poem and try to improve it again. Thanks for the suggestion! :D

User avatar
CK Lynn
Review
CK Lynn wrote a review Review · Nov 16, 2008

This was really kinda preachy. There are a lot of cliches. If you used some more original images, then it could be better. Right now you'e not really making anyone care, you're just saying "Smoking's bad!" Yes, we know that, you have to present it in an interesting way, with less of the stock warnings.



Brain freezes are temporary, but milkshakes are forever.
— SilverNight