Inquisition Ch. 1 Part 2

by Dragoon120

Published February 3, 2014

12+

Inquisition

Chapter 1 Part 2

Adriana grumbles at the sudden gust of biting cold wind that manages to blow past the crowd and eyes a few straggling lucifers that have fallen behind their comrades. She has a bad feeling about the gathering, and the fact of assassination strong in the air is not helping. Too many things are happening for there to be any coincidences...

Adriana balls her fists and passes through the crowd to an opening, the stairs long since eroded from the years of lack of use. This very reason is why it is never used, but she knows better than to follow the misconception of warnings of danger. The rumors spread so criminals do not escape in large parties. In groups of two or alone, one could easily follow it down. She's done so before, having been a thief running from officers.

She quickly goes back to the others, "Okay, follow me. Do not show that you are though."

Seth nods and Adriana saunters off, keeping in the illusion that she is no one to suspect. She passes a man hunched over and bearded, who is followed by two kids a little older than ten. She frowns at the sight and continues on, ducking away as a lucifers looks back. Soon enough, she reaches the opening.

Alison stops beside her, "Adriana..."

Adriana shakes her head, "Not now. Climb down."

They all trudge down the stairway, one after another. Alison slips, but Seth grabs her arm before she can take a tumble. The stern look he gives voices the many commands unspoken. He then gives Adriana an irritated look and the young woman frowns. She knows full well the danger of taking an exit that doesn't flow into land. Even worse of one for taking a crumbling one. They remain silent though, and the noise of the road quiets the further they go. As unnerving as it is to descend the crumbling stair to the towering wall, it's worse when you look down.

Adriana hears Seth groan, and the woman instantly knows he looked down. As stern and tough as he looks, he's afraid of heights. She shakes her head and feels once more for a stable step. As soon as she puts pressure on it, the cracking rock crumbles. Adriana instantly pulls back and edges around the lack of stone step and hears a hiss of irritation from the usually calm elf. As much as she'd like to tease him for it, she'd prefer silence.

After a while of descending the steps Seth greets the stable ground openly before turning sharply to Adriana, "That was your brilliant plan? Any one of us could have fallen!"

The young women glares, "I'm oh so sorry for getting us off the Highway. Would you have rather exited with the religious magic haters? Look, we're safe, and we need to make it to Forlorn Pass. It's a day's way to the west."

Seth points the finger-- that scared her as a girl-- at her, but now it is just a finger being pointed. Funny how one seems to grow up, and all those things that scared them are now just there. Adriana wishes most of that were true, but some horrors never go away.

"I do not care if you've done something a million times, Adriana, not all of us are like you. Climbing down ancient stairs that are never used for a reason, is not meant to be done." Seth says, putting his hand down with some struggle.

Adriana points to the west, "I got us here, now lead us through the job you got us. Or are you going to stand there reprimanding me like a little girl that I am no longer?"

Alison puts a hand on her sister's shoulder and Adriana puts her arm down. Anger at the disapproval is obvious on her face. To her, it feels like everything she does is lost to his pea-sized view of the little girls they no longer are.

Seth scowls and Lucas pitches in, "We can discuss this later when we stop for the day. For now, we should head for Forlorn Pass."

The armored man clenches his fists and leads on, Lucas following close behind. Adriana watches the man leave and bows her head until Alison removes her hand to catch up. The thief sighs and follows behind, wishing lucifers didn't exist. If they did not, none of this would have happened...

A few hours later, they enter a small town by the name of Terence just as the last rays of sunlight dance on the snow. The town itself is small and insignificant, barely a passing thought to most people. The group stop here for the night, staying at the very mediocre inn. There is nothing to see as they head for the Bee's Barb, wooden houses with thatched roofs and people finishing up the daily chore. Children are ushered indoors, while strays curl up in a protected space from the biting cold.

Seth pushes the inn's door open, and the group is greeted by the comfortable warmth that the royal palace was lacking. Inside a few drunks snooze by empty tankards. The innkeeper is chatting with customers, and smell of fresh stew blocks out the smell of stale ale and old piss. He takes off his helmet and sighs, not having been in a tavern for a few seasons.

Adriana inhales deeply and exhales with a smile, "Oh, how I miss warm inns. How about you get us a room, Seth, and I order us some food?"

Before Seth can even respond, Adriana quickly walks away to a woman stirring the stew at the crackling fireplace. She smiles and presents a good-natured conversationalist.

"Hello ma'am, how much fer the delicious stew when it's fully prepared and ready? I know how long it takes to make somethin' edible, and how egg-head men are 'bout food. I don't wanna to rush, just askin' fer a price." Adriana says, looking very innocent and using a low-lander accent. The fact remains, though, that those daggers hidden beneath the cloak make her far from such.

The woman turns to Adriana, surprised. She was a bit on the chubby side, with deep worry-lines that creases her forehead. A big nose sits above fat, chapped lips, and a frown that it holds. She is no princess beauty, but any woman cook takes a play like that as a dog takes a bone. The frown turns into a cracked smile and she pushes her wispy bangs back into her greasy brown hair.

"Why aren't you a rare lass! I haven't seen a woman in this rickety old place since the time King Phillip took the throne! It's nice to have someone who knows what a task it is feeding hungry men!" The innkeeper's wife says with much enthusiasm.

Adriana plays a understanding smile, "Yes, it can be quite a task if ya let it. How 'bout I pay ye an extra silver for the best of efforts? Yer doing so already, but a pay will not hert too bad?"

The woman accepts the given coin with a mighty grin, "I can guarantee such!"

Adriana gives a friendly nod and saunters off to the back of the tavern where Lucas and Alison wait. The young woman gives them a victory grin that they can tell means they have a cheap meal tonight.

As Adriana sits beside Alison, the twin says, "How you always manage to trick everyone but us is beyond me, sister."

Lucas shrugs, "Adriana's skill saves us needed coin, we do not need to understand it."

The mentioned woman smiles, "Exactly so Twinkle Toes, and I'm sure Seth is busy with room arrangements. Not that he's going to get us anything good..."

Alison frowns at the idea, "I do hope that is not the case. The last room he got us was the room they used for storing laundry."

"Yes well... Let us cross our fingers and hope. Nothing more to do, right?" Just as Adriana says that, Seth walks over with a key and four mugs of Fern Berry Cider.

"Well, I've gotten a room with one bed and a window. It's for guests, and not laundry." says the burly man as he hands each of them a mug.

Lucas raises a questioning eyebrow, "And who, shall I ask, gets the bed? I'm not flipping a coin for it."

Adriana raises her Cider, "I call the bed! By the Planes, I defiantly need to get off the ground for once."

Seth sits down and sighs, "How about the girls take the bed? They have no problem sharing, and Lucas doesn't sleep much anyways."

The twins look at each other then back at Seth to say simultaneously, "Fine by us."

Seth raises a thick eyebrow and then shrugs, "Any disagreements, Lucas?"

The red-haired elf shakes his head and downs his Cider, and asks for a refill. Adriana cannot help but smile just a little, having missed the light-hearted moments that rarely come anymore. Lately, everything has been on edge. Sometimes, she needs these moments of just sitting around talking. It was going fine until...

"Where do you suggest we look first in Queens for this Dane Lupei?" Seth asks, leaning forward. Of course, there was business to attend to. Adriana gives a bitter reminder to herself to never begin relaxing when there is a job.

The young thief removes her pack and digs out a bundle of papers, easily identifiable as maps. She skims through them and pulls out two, returns the others to the pack, and spreads them over the table. One is labeled Upper Queens, and the other The Lower District.

She points at the center of a cluster of marked alleys, "It's likely he is using a fake name. Lupei is a royal family in Sylvia, after all. This box in the middle is the entrance to the best friend of spies and thieves alike. It's the intersection of a sewers system, leading to several fences, hideaways, and forgers. He didn't cross over into Avron with the fake name, so he'll have visited the only place in the country that makes them."

Alison frowns, "Is that where you go when you left me with Seth to 'look at more interesting items for sell' all those times we were there?"

Adriana hesitates, "Um... Maybe? The fact is, this is the first place we need to visit to begin our search."

Seth studies the map, "When did you think this theory up?"

She shrugs and says nonchalantly, "When I was told his name, that he was in Sith, and that he was a traveling minstrel. If you connect it all, the result was obvious."

Lucas gestures at the Upper Queens map, "What of this one?"

Adriana points at several taverns, street corners, and inns, "Those places are where we'd most likely find him if he's posing as a traveling minstrel. Disguise or not, he has to stick with what it comes with."

Lucas nods and studies the map, his thin lips pressed in his usual thoughtful frown. After a while he says, "That would take days to search with a slim possibility of success. We would have to split up."

Alison's eyes widen, "That would not be wise, Lucas. Last time we did that, we were cornered by thugs. Plus, as much as Adriana is good with maps, she cannot guess her East from her West. She could easily navigate by MEMORY, but even Queens has too many alleys for her."

The twin roles her eyes, "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Alison. As Lucas said, it would take us days with a possibility of not finding this princeling; we do need to split up. Lucas can come with me, and Seth can go with Alison. If we find nothing by early evening each day we search, we meet back here at the Lanson Basket. Cheapest inn in Queens."

Just before Seth can make a remark, the innkeeper's wife comes with bowls of stew an chunks of fresh bread. Adriana's mouth watered, the thought of warm food now faced with the reality of smelling warm food. Even if the stew is not the best, as she had seen the lack of ingredients the woman had added, it was better than if Seth had cooked. This makes her kind of happy for lucifers being on the Highway, because if they hadn't, they would have camped in the bitter snow with Seth's grey slop to eat.

She sets the food on the table and says with a smile of crooked teeth, "It's on the house, darlings."

Adriana gives a smile of her own, "Why thank ya ma'am! That's mighty generous of ya!"

When she leaves, the group quickly begins eating away at the provided food. Adriana identifies is as rabbit stew, something common in Avron, and it's the same as every other inn's stew. Bland, unflavored, and only complimented by bread. She eats it anyways, only stopping to gulp some Cider and breathe. She will hate leaving after they rest up. As she reaches to devour her last bit of bread some people enter the inn chatting away.

"I can't believe the lucifers are cutting off all routes to Queens! Some of us have to sell things to feed the mouths of children! Cursed holy-men, I'll pay my respect to the Divine One, but those people need to leave." Grumbles one man in irritation.

The other shrugs, "Can't disobey them, but we can bunker down here until they clear off. Must be something big."

Adriana stiffens, and she gives Seth an "I told you so" look before finishing her food and leaving for the room. Alison quickly follows, knowing that hiding is the best course of action if the great Adriana feels the need to. They climb the rickety steps and Adriana opens the only unlocked room, closing the door behind them. After about half an hour, four soft knocks comes from it.

Lucas enters, followed by Seth, and says, "Apparently, no one knows the reason for the blockade. It is, however, obvious that they are not looking for you or Alison. Either way, we need to get to Queens."

Adriana scratches her chin then crosses her arms, "Forlorn Pass connects to the exiting road of here. It's unknown enough to be forgotten by the Divine Order, but wariness is a must. We should rest up, it's a long trip to Queens, blocked or not..."

The thief's nerves flare in flashing warnings, but she suppresses them.

She knows full well the danger, but Seth taught her one thing:

If you give your word, never fall from it.

Comments & reviews · 2
ThereseCricket wrote a review Review · Feb 23, 2014

Hey there! Cricket wants to review your work!

So I'll start off with the nitpicks! OK!

Adriana balls her fists and passes across the crowd to an opening, the stairs long since eroded from the years of lack of use.


"passes across the crowd". Maybe you could change" across" to ", through" or something like that.

She knows full well the danger of taking an exit that doesn't flow into land is a danger.


You tell us that it is a danger twice in the same sentence.

If they did not, none of this would have happened...


---Did not, could be changed to didn't.

. Anger at the disapproval obvious on her face.


After obvious there should be " is".

"Oh how I miss warm inns. How about you get us a room Seth and I order us some food?"


After "Oh" you need to put a comma and after room you need to insert an "and".

She's a bit on the chubby side, with deep worry-lines that creases her forehead.


You need to put "was" after She's.

It's nice to have someone who knows what a task it is feeding hungrey men!"


You spelled hungry wrong.

It is going fine until..


Instead of "is" you could use "was".

Alison frowns, "Is that where you go when you left me with Seth to 'look at more interesting items for sell' all those times we were there?"


So this one just has one issue that could use some fixing. I think you meant with this one " where you went, when you left me with Seth".

It is, however, obvious that they are not looking for your or Alison. Either way, we need to get to Queens."


When you used "your" I think you mean " you".

OK, that it! I'm done with the nitpicks!

You have extremely good structure in your writing and if I may say so, you are absolutely AWESOME at your paragraphs. Keep up the good work! I am looking forward to seeing more of your work!

Thanks! I'll get to editing!

TheCrimsonLady wrote a review Review · Feb 3, 2014

Hello love!

Back for another review!

Technicalities first, eh?

The fact remains, those daggers hidden beneath the cloak make her far from such.
The fact remains, though, those daggers hidden beneath the cloak make her far from such.

"How you always manage to trick everyone but us is beyond me, Sister."
"How you always manage to trick everyone is beyond me, sister."

I didn't catch much more; I suck at grammar though, so....

So.

I liked the beginning; however, you describe/address Adriana as a young woman multiple times. Or just woman. I'm not sure I like this sudden name for her, love :). I'd call her by her name. All in all though, it sounds jus' a bi' unnatural.

I like her fake accent with the innkeeper's wife. Maybe distinguish it a bit more?

I didn't understand why the last line was there; I might have missed something... I really don't know, love. Either way, it managed to confuse me.

As for naming the... districts 'Upper Queen' and the 'Lower District'.... well... it's a bit obvious. Change the names. That's just a suggestion, though.

Again, I'd change the writing style a bit... brush it up, and let us 'see' into Adriana's mind and soul a bit.

I'm still not getting any backstory, love. Or major character development. Those are two big things, and those should probably be major in the first to chapters. You might lose a few readers attention when nothing happens and they still don't know what's happening.

That's all for now!

I really do enjoy reading your book-in-progress, love.

Keep persisting, love.

Evilly yours,
Aura

The reason I started addressing her as think besides her name, was the simple fact that I felt like over used it in the first chapter. I'll work on it, I swear.
To address the "Uppers Queens" and "Lower District," I did intend for it to be obvious. Queens has a distinct line running through it: The ones who are rich and prosperous, while the other thieving and poor. :) It was, by all means, not meant to be any less obvious.
I'll work on the style, because it is a progressing story. A many-times written progressing story, but far from the final cut.



'Hush, hush!' I whispered; 'people can have many cousins and of all sorts, Miss Cathy, without being any the worse for it; only they needn't keep their company, if they be disagreeable and bad.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights