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One Step Forward...

by Dragon99

Have a guess at the meaning, there are no right or wrong answers. Dedicated to my friend, Lucrezia, my secret Santa EllaBliss and all my other friends on YWS:{D (and yes I know I didn't split it up into paragraphs I will though)!

I hope you are reading this somewhere comfy. I want to show you something, close your eyes. Wait, you need eyes to read. Hmm, alright just imagine, Imagine you are standing on a small rocky platform, Wobbles and sways as if by some imaginary wind. But the air is still, as if the world is holding its breath. The sky changes on how you look at it. Sometimes it's a cloudless sea of blue, other times it's full of clouds, grey and bleak. Behind you is a pathway, the way you came from, the path that slowly becomes narrower and narrower as if it's leading back towards one single spot, where the path began. And it does, you know that path, maybe you don't remember every single detail but you do know one thing, that it leads off into that ever changing sky, a rocky edge, a cliff. You know going back isn't going to get you anywhere, but what lay ahead seems a lot scarier then what lay behind. It shows a bit of a path leading into a large dark cave and depending on the current lighting, sometimes you can see rows of sharp edges around the cave, it seems almost alive. You don't know what's ahead, but for some of what is ahead you have a sense, and depending again on the lighting, it can seem frighting, or not. You want to retreat, flee from the unknown before the platform you stand upon collapses and you plummet to your demise, or so it seems at least, until a light shines upon an object, an object that also gives off light. The light from the sky has disappeared, but your eyes are more intent on the candle. With that candle you could use it to face the darkness of what lay ahead. But what if you move to it and you or it falls off the small platform? Well it's a risk well worth it. So being ever brave you reach over and pick it up. Suddenly the grim looking path in front looks less daunting, and before you take your foot off the path you look behind once more and see many candles along the narrowing path, candles you ignored or didn't pick up, or you felt to risky to touch, and you feel well knowing that more candles may lay ahead, to help lit your way. One step forward.

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9 Reviews

Points: 1163
Reviews: 9

Sat Mar 29, 2014 12:17 am
CcIsAwesome says...


Dragon99 says...

laugh out loud. Welp can't deny it

CcIsAwesome says...

Brat. :-P

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475 Reviews

Points: 1461
Reviews: 475

Sun Jan 19, 2014 11:17 am
Apricity wrote a review...

Hey Dragon99, Subtle here for a review for this lovely short story! *I was not stalking your portfolio at all due to my desperation for a review, coughs*

This is such a heart-warming story, you have a knack of details and making the simplest things beautiful. You have a way of conveying the picture in your head to the reader's mind precisely. Your description and your language wasn't too flat nor too flouncy, is a gentle, warming tone. Like an old tapestry in a dim-lit room, is very beautiful.

I just honestly love the whole piece, of the positive ring to it, of how to overcome past troubles and focus on the future.

Just great! I will be sure to check out your other poems or stories! :D


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178 Reviews

Points: 652
Reviews: 178

Fri Jan 03, 2014 5:07 am
Paracosm wrote a review...

This is a pretty nice descriptive piece. I found it enjoyably dreamlike. I didn't like how it was one solid block of text, but as you said, you're going to fix that. Now, on to the critiquing.

Overall, you use beautiful, dramatic description. However, description isn't always enough. I feel like your piece could go for some dramatic tension. Ramp up the crumbling platform. Bring us to the edge of failure, to the point where we think there is no turning back, and then let us grasp for the candle.

While you paint a nice picture, you leave our other senses jealous. Let us smell the salty ocean. I want to hear the thunder claps. Is the thunder distant, or so close that at times, it nearly startles us off of the platform?

I feel like this piece could use more dramatic tension, and more sensory details. I like how much you show us, but let us hear, smell, and feel as well. This piece reads like it is a painting, and it's very good. But, as always, a writer can never just wipe his hands of something and walk away. Keep after it! Great work, and keep writing.

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12 Reviews

Points: 314
Reviews: 12

Thu Jan 02, 2014 2:35 am
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SeptemberLove wrote a review...

That left me breathless!!! Your imagery is astonishing! You captured the scene with a simplicity that was truly complex and meaningful, if you can understand my oxymoron of a review! Ha Ha! Your vision is unique and heartfelt. The lack of specificity lets the reader make it personal, so it is a universal piece of work left to the reader's own devices. I admire that. You have true talent and with a little spit shine it will be something to be coveted and special to those who have read it. Perhaps you could add a little bit more meaning behind the candles- I found myself wanting more, as if it wasnt finished or something was missing at the end. Beyond that it was perfection. We

Dragon99 says...

oh thank you September! That just made my day *huggles* Love your avatar by the way:{D

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19 Reviews

Points: 500
Reviews: 19

Wed Jan 01, 2014 10:45 pm
Dragon99 says...

Yay I got a story featured:{D *dances

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Points: 354
Reviews: 1

Wed Jan 01, 2014 3:12 am
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mjl1999 wrote a review...

This is very descriptive and appeals a lot to the sense of sight. Not only that, but i think it's quite a reflective piece. It certainly seems to be driven my something you yourself have experienced and therefore makes it feel more personal. The only thing i would improve is the variety of sensory language. Most of it appeals to sight alone. It would be more imaginative if it applied to every aspect of sense, so i could be more involved in this short piece. But ultimately very well done, i had a lot of fun reading it. :)

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179 Reviews

Points: 22652
Reviews: 179

Wed Jan 01, 2014 3:10 am
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Magenta wrote a review...

Hello Dragon99,

This is Magenta here to review your short story that you have submitted to The Young Writers Society. One Step Forward... I have some small suggestions to make for you. Just a small bit of advice when writing short things. :)

You wrote...

"I hope you are reading this somewhere comfy." The writing seems too informal, especially because of the way you started it and with the word,"comfy". I think that you should write the word fully as comfortable because it seems to look better to the reader.

You wrote...

"I want to show you something, close your eyes." I'm not really sure that this is punctuated correctly or if you should have them as two separate sentences. The comma that separates the sentence seems odd. I would just suggest changing this.

You also wrote...

"Hmm, alright just imagine, Imagine you are standing on a small rocky platform, Wobbles and sways as if by some imaginary wind."

This sentence is not a sentence. You capitalized "imagine" and "wobbles" even though it wasn't the end of the sentence. Even if "wobbles amd sways as if by some imaginary wind", it would still be a fragment. These sentences are strange and I would put in the correct punctuation. I feel like this was more of a casual conversation than a short story, but nonetheless, great job and keep writing. These were a few things to suggest to you. Happy New Year!

- Magenta

Dragon99 says...

thanks so much magenta:{D That was very helpful. And for you I will give you some review advice, if you want to quote something from the story you do
[/quote ] but without the space at the end of the second one, like this
"Hmm, alright just imagine, Imagine you are standing on a small rocky platform, Wobbles and sways as if by some imaginary wind."
tada:{D lol thanks again and happy new years!

I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief