z

Young Writers Society


16+

Chapter 8

by Draculus


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Before the performance, Chase had told Annabel that as soon as the show would end, she had to pack their stuff, take the money, go to the tavern and wait for him there. At first, the girl wondered why would Chase have a need to stay longer in the square, but very soon after the show she understood. People surrounded Chase, started speaking all at once, questioning him about his wild tribe encounter, asking for the smallest details, and wouldn’t let the boy go. He was smiling at them and answering all questions patiently, even hugged some of his watchers and gave an old man a pat on the shoulder while laughing at a joke. Annabel didn’t waste her time, though: she collected all fire holders, threw the ash away, then grabbed the backpacks, hat filled with coins, and strode to the inn she and Chase were staying in, made it to the second floor and opened Chase’s room with a key he’d given her.

Without thinking twice, Annabel fell on Chase’s bed face down and lay there for a minute or two, trying to order the mess that her thoughts had turned into. She couldn’t comprehend in full what was going on: Chase wasn’t a real wizard, that was obvious, but how did he make those flames change the color, or how did he exhale fire, or how did he make that man, Devinne, see a spirit that had never existed? Everything the boy was doing seemed to be too simple, yet Annabel couldn’t find the logic and felt like a naive idiot that had failed to resolve a trick. Chase had definitely had secrets in his sleeve, and even if he would prefer to hide them, Annabel needed to know them all.

The girl’s body jerked when in a few minutes the room door opened, and Chase fell in. His movements were hasty, sudden, but not clumsy. He closed the door behind him, took the money and sat at a table beside the bed, not giving Annabel a single glance.

“Go pack your things,” he said, quickly arranging coins in piles and counting them at the same time.

Annabel frowned, “Are we leaving?”

“Yes.”

“So soon? I thought we’d stay here for a few more days.”

“We have no need to stay.” Chase’s long slim fingers were working swiftly, like small clever lightnings, evidently trained, skillful. Boy’s nimble glance was jumping from one coin to another, and Annabel could imagine how small numbers flew through his mind, combining into bigger ones, then combining into sums.

“But we could earn much more than this,” the girl sat on the bed and nodded at the piles of money. She’d never seen so many coins in one place at once, and it was fascinating for her to think that he’d earned some of them with her honest work, yet she was sure there would be more if Chase decided to give another show in the square.

“Yes, we could,” Chase replied, “but we don’t have time for it. That’s how it is going to be like from now on - we visit as many towns and villages as we can manage, perform there, leave the very same day and go forward to the next place.”

“Why?”

“We have another business to attend to, remember? So we only use our change to make some easy money on our way to the capital, but they are not our major purpose.”

Annabel sighed and stood up, feeling a strong wish to tie Chase, sit him down in a chair and torture him until he gives up all the mysteries he kept inside his head. But that boy seemed to be a professional, and she still feared his abilities because he wouldn’t explain them, so she considered it wise to follow his orders and go pack all things she’d left in a mess in her room. In ten minutes or so, she and Chase went down to say goodbye to the tavern keeper and hurriedly left Hentenoof, once again surrendering to the mighty nature of the High Wood.

***

As they were walking through the town streets to the northern border, Annabel had noticed many wondering gazes fixed on them. People still had questions to ask the magician, but would not dare come closer or stop Chase on his way to the forest. The girl recognized the feeling in their eyes: interest mixed with fear, the very same kind of feeling she had towards Chase at that moment. The boy himself seemed absolutely at ease, scarcely caring a hang for what everyone thought of him or wanted to hear from him. Yet, it was impossible for Annabel to put back the thoughts about Chase’s trick with Réno Devinne. If colourful flames were easy to accept, hypnotizing a living creature and making it see what you wanted it to see - that was beyond common sense.

Chase’s pace was fast and jumpy, and Annabel had to remind herself to move quicker to catch up to him. He was talking about what they were going to do next.

“We’ll make it to a village until it gets dark. And when we do, I want you to be very attentive to the details. Tomorrow we perform. Some basic tricks, I suppose, nothing too difficult or time-consuming. You will have to learn new things, so please, at least try to pay attention, understood?..”

Annabel was only listening to him with one ear while her entire higher consciousness was occupied by mister Devinne and the spirit of Kranoire he’d recognized by Chase’s wish. The girl stopped in the middle of the way, staring at something among the trees, trying to solve the puzzle inside her head.

“Annabel?”

Instead of replying, the girl fixed her dull gaze on Chase, still motionless.

“We got to move, Annabel,” said the magician, nodding meaningfully at the long path before them. But Annabel stared at him for another few seconds, then made three steps and stood right in front of him, looking him directly in the eye.

“What did you do to him?”

Chase was gaping at her in confusion, throwing glances at squirrels and having no idea what to reply. After half a minute or so, he puckered his lips thoughtfully, frowned, and said, “Who?”

“Réno Devinne.”

“Ah,” the boy exhaled. He smiled widely, put his hands into pockets and looked down at his toes, giving out a little snort.

“Did you really hypnotize him?” Annabel insisted.

“Well,” Chase’s hand went seeking for something in his trousers pocket, “in fact, yes. I did. There is a small trick I use to hypnotize almost anyone. Result is guaranteed.”

He got his clenched fist out, then took Annabel’s hand in his and put something small and cold in her palm.

“It’s just a coin,” said Annabel, looking at him from under her eyebrows.

“It’s not just a coin,” Chase scowled, “it’s mo-o-o-oney. Get it?”

Annabel glanced at the round shiny piece of iron once again, feeling things slowly clear up in her mind. The truth suddenly hit her like a lightning in the middle of the blue sky.

“You paid him?!”

Bingo! Of course I paid him,” Chase declaimed, “how else would I make him do what I needed him to do?”

The boy turned around and continued their journey through the High Wood while Annabel was drilling his back with her gaze. If it was possible to kill someone with a single glance, Chase would have probably been dead already. She ran up the path, pulled ahead of him, started walking with her back turned to the road.

“I believed he was seeing real spirits!”

“For the money I’ve given him he could see anything at all,” Chase snorted.

“And how often do you use that trick of yours-”

When walking, Annabel didn’t notice a big tree root behind her feet and tripped over, having nothing to grasp in order to prevent herself from the embarrassing fall. Before she realized what was happening, Chase caught the girl by the arm before she hit the ground, and put her on straight legs again with an absolutely indifferent face.

“Often enough to make my shows successful,” he said. “Are you going to judge me?”

Annabel inhaled deeply, trying to ease the hard pounding inside her chest. She hated admitting that she was foolish enough to believe in Chase’s ‘magic’, and she couldn’t help being mad at herself. It wasn’t Chase’s fault, though, but Annabel still wanted to shame him for what he did without apprising her, without giving her a single hint. She felt like an idiot.

“I believed you…” she whispered, following the boy as he marched up a small hill.

“Don’t worry,” said Chase over his shoulder. “Most of people do. It’s normal.”

“You deceive them because they are your audience, but why didn’t you tell me, your assistant?”

“Annabel, darling, I never share my secrets with anyone before a performance. I just tend to keep secret things secret so no one will spoil my show, including you.”

“And to me it seems like you just show-off,” Annabel grunted under her breath.

“Maybe,” Chase shrugged. “I’ve never said I don’t.”

***

Their destination was a tiny village inhabited mostly by farmers, woodcutters, and their families. For Chase it was a child’s play to fascinate them - he used pretty simple tricks with cards, disappearing items, and mind reading. After the show, as he and Annabel left, he explained everything in details, making each trick as clear for the girl as possible and forcing her to practice her own skills.

“As my assistant, you must know at least the smallest part of what I do and be able to do the same,” he told her.

Annabel’s hands were used to any kind of hard work, but Chase’s magic was ten times harder. She watched his slim fingers very carefully, and still couldn’t catch the moment when they made a coin vanish or a card change its position in the stack. Annabel had to train for hours to be able to repeat the magician’s action after he’d explained each trick all over and over again.

“My patience is just… impressive,” once she heard Chase murmur, and couldn’t help but agree. That certainly was true.

Annabel wasn’t hopeless, though. She needed more time than Chase thought she would, but still could manage most of the ‘magic’, even given that she and the boy only had one, barely two days for preparations before every new performance. But after the village and a small town not far north she could do some tricks on her own and only had to master her skills so the tricks would look more natural. She realized that deceiving people was not a problem for her. Annabel used to steal goods from people in the village near The Garden to feed herself, so why would this time be any different? She had to feed herself all the same, but now it was possible thanks to Chase and his smart schemes.

Once she asked him how he had come up with them, but he didn’t answer. Or rather, he did, but he didn’t tell her anything straight, only saying that he had been taught to use them by other people and then improved the schemes to make then more interesting, easy, or profitable. He also didn’t want to teach Annabel all schemes he’d known, because every master must have their own ace up in their sleeve. Annabel understood very soon that Chase would never share his professional secrets with her, and on the fourth day of their journey gave up asking him to do it.

The High Wood was one of the biggest forests on the continent and covered most of Renezar, spreading wide from border to border. It was thick and rich, but only had one huge pack of wolves that lived far in the East, and maybe a few bears that Annabel and Chase also had no chance meeting. That’s why they both felt safe when staying the night in the forest in cases if they couldn’t arrive at a town before twilight. The only real problem were ruthless mosquitoes. On the evenings like that one, Chase would teach Annabel a few extra tricks so they didn’t waste their precious time, and the girl was prepared for the next performance much earlier than usual. Chase’s assortment of magic tricks included cups and balls when he made a person lose on purpose (and no one had found out the truth yet); a hundred of techniques to manipulate cards, for example, guess a person’s card or make a card change its suit; he also could make small items vanish and reappear in his hands, or in people’s pockets, or in his own boots; kids were most excited to see flowers turn into sparrows out of the blue (only Annabel knew that to do that trick Chase had to catch the sparrows first, and she had found watching the process extremely funny); but one of the most desirable tricks of a crowd was prediction for which Chase would sometimes use someone’s help and pay for it, or use math, logic and psychology instead (usually the second option was preferred if strangers had too high prices for their involvement).

“There is a special method of mixing the stack after a person puts their card into it. Also there is a technique that helps me guess a number in someone’s head. Nothing but mathematics, really. All you need is to react quickly to what people say and never let them get bored.”

“And what if someone tries to find the catch?”

“You always draw their attention to what is not important, disguising your true actions. Make them think they look in the right direction. As a matter of fact, the system is much more difficult when it comes to the big shows and performing on stage, but we don’t need to use a complicated artifice.”

Annabel was half-sitting with her back pressed to a huge tree trunk and watching Chase practice mixing the playing cards. The boy was silent, highly concentrated. Sky above them had turned dark blue already, and first stars could be visible far away; the fire they had made an hour ago was cracking satisfyingly, sending hundreds of sparkles fly up and disappear into the night.

“You know,” Annabel said quietly, fixing her gaze on Chase’s fast fingers, “a few days ago you told me that your magic is true, but since then I haven’t seen any sign of it.”

“It is true, Annabel,” Chase replied without looking at her. “When a man can make another man believe in what is not real, isn’t it magic?”

It’s fraud, Annabel thought, but didn’t say anything. She guessed Chase had never really treated his doings as magic, he wasn’t a fool to think it was any kind of wizardry, but only used a figure of speech to emphasize the love he felt towards his job. Annabel had noticed quite long ago that Chase’s manner of speaking was different from anyone’s she’d met before. He seemed… much more intelligent, though spoiled a bit by an accent.

“Do you believe in magic?” she asked him. Chase lifted his gaze and looked at her with one eyebrow raised. “I mean, in real magic, done by real wizards?”

The boy returned to his cards again. “Does it matter? It exists, even if someone thinks it doesn’t .”

“How do you know it does? Have you ever seen it with your own eyes, or felt it?”

“Aye, I have seen it.”

Annabel laughed quietly and sighed, turning away from him. “I wonder how you don’t get tired of constantly lying…”

“I’m not lying.” Chase’s voice was steady, strict, and confident. Too confident, one might say. “I am acquainted with a wizard, the one that is considered quite real.”

“Seriously?” Annabel shifted on her place, now looking at Chase with anticipation to hear more, although she didn’t believe him fully.

Chase nodded.

“You know, on Menoriad continent there’s a kingdom called Stargonel. They raise professional wizards, sorcerers and charmers there, in a special school or academy of some sort. The guy I know has been taught to heal living creatures using magic. I’ve seen him do it with a man who got three of his fingers cut off in some accident and was losing a lot of blood. The magician made his wounds heal in seconds, and even in spite of the fact he didn’t make the man new fingers, everyone was impressed. Unfortunately for both of them, I am not that kind of people who get excited by watching.”

“Why?”

“I don’t need watching, I need doing. If I can’t do magic, why in the world would I care about it?”

“So why don’t you go to Stargonel and learn it yourself?”

“I don’t have time for it.”

“What do you have time for then?..”

Annabel thought that her annoyed mumbling wouldn’t draw Chase’s attention, but the boy froze for a second, and she heard him murmur as if to himself, “For many things…”

Chase probably had a myriad of thoughts in his head that he didn’t want to share, and Annabel knew it was useless to ask him for more. She glanced at him with something very close to pity and started arranging a blanket that served her as a bed.

“I’m exhausted. Are you going to sleep tonight?”

“A little bit later. Don’t wait for me.”

Annabel didn’t have an idea of how long Chase was sitting there, shuffling the cards in total silence, guarded by night birds’ squeaking, fire’s cracking and insects’ buzzing. In a few minutes the quiet night noise around her brought her to sleep, and she didn’t see Chase go to his bed. She forgot about everything and dreamed of mighty wizards of faraway Stargonel.

***

Chase was a weird boy, indeed. When he wasn’t performing, he would comment on people’s naiveness, talk about how easy for him it was to deceive them, be sarcastic. But every single time he and Annabel came to another place to make another show, she saw him laugh, smile at the residents, embrace with them - as if they were good old friends, as if he admired them. She didn’t understand it, but didn’t dare to ask. Perhaps, Chase would tell her when the time was right.

But once Annabel noticed something interesting. They were staying in a town a lot like Hentenoof, but less conservative and not as sweetly arranged. Chase was playing games with the spectators, taking different items out or hiding them inside their pockets. People were enchanted and amused, so no one paid attention to how Chase’s sly hands were manipulating the items behind their backs. But Annabel did. While the magician didn’t need her assistance, she stood not far aside and watched the show, waiting for his next order, as a small detail caught her eye. Chase approached another spectator, turned him to the audience, and while he was saying something to distract the people, his fingers slipped down to the man’s coat pocket, then something gleamed slightly between them, and the very next instant Chase’s fingers were in an absolutely different position, interacting with people and showing them tricks.

Annabel didn’t realize what she saw at first, but the next day she saw it again: Chase’s hands were slipping carefully and slowly to people’s pockets and taking something out. Then she remarked the lack of shining on people’s fingers after Chase’s touched or held them. One moment there was a ring on a man’s index finger, the next there was nothing. Sometimes even big and noticeable pendants would disappear from women’s necks, bracelets would vanish from wrists. No one had ever noticed it, so for a while Annabel was thinking she just imagined things, but there was more, and that had assured her of that she was correct in her suspicions.

Once staying in a small town, they didn’t get a chance of having two separate rooms, so they had to share one middle-sized accommodation. It was midday when they returned to the room after a performance, completely roasted by the harsh Renezar sun, and Annabel fell down on a couch, at last enjoying the chilly shadow. Chase carelessly threw a backpack on the floor and sighed very loudly, but didn’t complain either. They both knew they had to pack things and go out again, and there was hardly any choice. Annabel kept silent as she was gathering her clothes and Chase's magic supplies, but at the same time she was throwing glances at the boy who was busy counting money they earned. He thought she didn’t watch him, but Annabel saw his hands take something out of his pockets and put it into the trinket box they used to store the coins. The something wasn’t money, but a few bracelets, rings, and a pendant.

The puzzle once again was solved inside Annabel’s head. She closed the bag, soundlessly sat on the couch, and watched carefully each of Chase’s tiny movements. It had been over a week already that they had known each other, and it was enough for the girl to recognize something strange in the magician’s behavior. Now she understood what he was avoiding telling her all that time, and even despite that she didn’t really want to believe her own suggestion, she couldn’t deny it.

“For how long are you going to hide it from me?” she asked. Chase froze for half a second, but quickly recovered.

“What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean,” the girl said. “Why didn’t you tell me you are a thief?”

For a few long seconds Chase was silent, and the slight clinking of the coins was the only sound in the room. Annabel's heart pounded once and fell down to her feet, leaving cold emptiness inside her chest. What if she made a mistake? What if she offended him? What if-

Professional thief, as a matter of fact.”

Annabel stared at the boy, not believing her own ears. She expected things to turn upside down, and also she supposed theft to be Chase’s little hobby, but everything was much more complicated. She 'looked' through all pictures she'd noticed during performances and made a connection between them, linking like a chain: Chase was coming close to people so he could steal their wallets or jewellery! He had never done anything just for fun, even when it seemed like he was only entertaining with the audience.

“A specialist?”

“Yes, a specialist who needs your help.”

Now Annabel was more than surprised - she was shocked. To hear something like that from Chase was phenomenal, but she was totally assured he did say it. Maybe she was mistaken about how many secrets the boy kept to himself. There was much more of them, as well as Annabel’s questions to him. The girl shook her head, trying to order the thoughts, but didn’t really succeed - everything went absolutely messy in a few short moments.

“So you were supposed to teach me how to steal things instead of how to perform street magic, right?” she said, making a deep frustrated sigh. Chase, on the contrary, didn’t change - he was confident and dynamic, as always, but much more humorless than usually. She wondered how one and the same person like him could be so impressively serious.

“Actually,” he replied, taking a seat in a chair in front of Annabel, “I’ve done everything I had to.”

“But haven’t you done what you have always told me to avoid? Haven’t you wasted our time?”

“Ummm… Nope. I wanted to watch you, and so I did.” Annabel shot him a bemused glance that was too easy to understand, so she didn't need any words. “Don’t you think I would trust the very first person I pick for a serious job without checking their character, their abilities, the way they behave on public or in a crowd? I was exploring you.”

Annabel held her arms on her chest and sat back on the couch, her eyebrows raised in anticipation. Chase intrigued her.

“And what are the results?” she asked him in a sarcastic tone.

“Good. Well, good enough to start working properly, at least. Please, tell me you’re ready.”

She knew what he meant by saying that, though it was somewhat painful for her to admit it. Annabel realized she wasn’t as much surprised as she expected herself to be - some inner part of her was prepared for such an interesting story twist when you get the complete opposite of what you actually hoped for. Whereas she thought she would find a way to leave all her past behind, forget about a need to steal food and money, there was a Chase who had made his own plans on how to influence her fate. He wasn’t denying that he was a criminal and even wanted her to join him - that was too obvious, too easy to make out of his words. But was she ready to come back to what she was trying to escape?

“I… I am not sure.”

Chase blinked a few times, still looking at the girl. “Beg your pardon?”

“I’m not sure I want to be a thief,” Annabel confessed, looking him directly in the sly green eyes. "I am not sure it's right."

“There’s nothing bad in being a thief.”

“While living in The Garden, I used to steal supplies to feed myself and other children around me, to give them hope. But... doing it just because it’s all you can... “

“Oh, come on,” Chase waved his hand, “don’t speak like the most law-abiding person in the world, you aren’t one. I know that most of people usually don’t get why we choose to be criminals, and, honestly, I don’t expect them to understand. The point is that I am not asking you to stay a thief, but to work as one… For a while. As soon as you want to leave - you leave. Right now I’d like you to listen to me so that you know I’m preparing for a big heist in which you’re supposed to get involved.”

Chase went silent, sat back in the chair and smiled at Annabel, saying nothing more. She knew he had to continue. She didn't like the idea of listening to his genius plans, but something inside her didn't let her refuse.

"You need water, sir?" she mocked him, giving a hint to speak.

Chase inhaled very deeply, shifted in his seat, put his long fingers in an aristocratic lock, and began the speech.

***

“It will not be easy. It will be very hard, burdensome, challenging, complicated, and probably dangerous. But we will be rewarded, both of us. If you do everything you have to, you will get so much money it will be enough for you to make a great living with your family (if you have one) for the rest of your life. You will get a chance to become a completely different person, to forget about your past. Not that I’m willing to share a treasure with you, but I’m always fair with my partners. After we finish the job, you will be absolutely free to go and spend the money any way you want. If you wouldn’t want to stay, of course, but that’s hardly possible.

Think about it. Without basic savings you’ll never be able to start living like a human again, you’ll never stop surviving. Is it not what you’ve been doing for years since you were a kid? I’m not anything like that despot Morr, I don’t need you to serve me. I just offer you a deal in which we both take profit, I want us to work together and help each other get what each of hunt.”

Annabel was listening carefully and tried to understand what exactly Chase needed her to do. When she asked him that, he didn’t answer, only mentioned that she would know the details when they arrived to the Brook county. It meant the job could be anything, and a single note of it made Annabel worry. She wasn’t fond of the idea anyway, but the fact that it was so secret only made things worse. She thought of the money Chase promised her, the money she would give to her parents when she returned home, the money that could help her start a new life just as Chase said. Maybe…

“How do I know I won’t get caught for my crimes?” she asked the boy, squinting at him. That concerned her the most now, even more than being a criminal. Sometimes the goal was more important that the way of achieving it.

“I guarantee you that you won’t get caught by anyone, unless you go to a city guard captain and surrender.”

“And how do I know you will keep your word?”

Chase shrugged, “I have no use in breaking it.”

“You mean you have no use in making me a tool that would help you get what you want without exhausting yourself, and after that leaving all the money in your own pocket, sharing it with no one else?”

Chase bit his lower and went silent for a few seconds, slightly nodding as if to his own thoughts.

“Yeah… Now as you said it I see the use. But I promise that I won’t do any of that, it’s not my style.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes. In the place that we are heading to I have a… specific reputation. A reputation of an honest man. It gives me a lot of good, so I do my best to keep it. If I cheat and use you, it will ruin my reputation and everything I’ve built on it. Thieves always intuit your sins, no matter how well you hide them.” Annabel noticed a knowing smile on the boy’s face, but she didn’t have a wish to mock him this time. If he was saying the truth, that would change almost everything. “I hope this will serve you as a guarantee?”

Annabel shifted in her seat, rubbing her palms nervously. She felt sick, as if a small step in a wrong direction could destroy absolutely everything in her life, even the last chance of living happily again like the days before she was enslaved. Suddenly a very vivid picture appeared in her mind: mom and dad sitting at an empty table, counting a pile of silver coins they had earned after selling their last sheep with a newborn lamb. They didn’t know Annabel was watching them from out of a corner, and she heard daddy murmur, “T’is not a livin’, dear. T’isn’t proper. Annabel mustn’t starve or wear old clothes. She deserves better.” The next day father left for Brook with their only horse and only came back in a week, bringing some money and a little bag filled with food. He used to do it every fourteen days. When she was a child, Annabel had never given a second thought to what her parents were going through, because they would always do anything to make her the happiest kid in the world. They would buy her the newest things and feed as best as they could, so that their daughter would never think her family was poor.

“In Renezar it’s only the crowned and the criminals who live in welfare,” a dad’s friend once told her. He was drunk at the moment, but he wasn’t wrong. Now Annabel would imagine her family in poverty that Chase had mentioned, but be able to bear no thought of it. Now, as she was much older, she was realizing her parents needed support, and she was realizing she could help them. Anyway, she noted in her head, if Chase requires something inappropriate, I will run and come back home without money. It’ll be better for us all.

“And I hope,” Annabel stood up, not that confidently, but still with readiness, and took her backpack, “that the place you are bringing me to has shadow. And the money you’re promising is as big as you say.”

Chase sprang to his feet, full of alacrity and confidence, smiling so widely that all his brilliant-white teeth were visible. He placed his hands on Annabel’s shoulders, squeezed them encouragingly, and declaimed, “That’s my favorite part of a deal! Come on, let’s not lose a second!”

Annabel sighed. They must go out under the burning summer sun once again.


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Sun Jun 28, 2020 7:07 pm
Hkumar wrote a review...



Hi Draculus! I am late but I finally made it. Man this chapter was long. ^^'

So much of description and information in this chapter. But I felt you were able to maintain a balance and made sure nothing felt over-done. It was just fine. I feel your writing is improving so much and you are getting really good at it. Now moving on to the chapter.

“We have another business to attend to, remember? So we only use our change to make some easy money on our way to the capital, but they are not our major purpose.”

This made me doubt about the real intentions of Chase, what were his actual plans.

“Well,” Chase’s hand went seeking for something in his trousers pocket, “in fact, yes. I did. There is a small trick I use to hypnotize almost anyone. Result is guaranteed.

trouser's

“Bingo! Of course I paid him,” Chase declaimed, “how else would I make him do what I needed him to do?”

He's very clever. Chase was able to pull this out without even letting her assistant realise the truth behind all this. But I guess it broke poor Annabel's trust on magic.

Or rather, he did, but he didn’t tell her anything straight, only saying that he had been taught to use them by other people and then improved the schemes to make then them more interesting, easy, or profitable.


I must say as I was reading through I realised you must have done a good research on magical tricks. I mean you were able to describe them so properly so that the reader won't feel confused at any point.

[/quote]“I’m not lying.” Chase’s voice was steady, strict, and confident. Too confident, one might say. “I am acquainted with a wizard, the one that is considered quite real.”[/quote]
So I guess he made up all this story to just stop Annabel from interrogating him anymore about his tricks. I loved the little story that you created here and also liked the names 'Menoriad', 'Stargonel'.

Okay so later on the twist that Chase is actually a professional thief was quite a surprise. I thought he just really enjoyed street magic. I guess that's why he chose Annabel to be her assistant after watching her stealing incident in the market. I could understand why she was in such a dilemma. She assumed she would just forget her bad past and earn a good living and then get back on with her life. But now she had to decide whether this path is good or not for her. Chase's points were valid that she needed some savings for starting a new future with her family.
So I guess there will be some more amazing tricks coming our way. I liked that you brought a small glimpse of Annabel's past life about her family. I wonder if you would at some point also tell us how she ended up in that Garden.
Anyways I am enjoying your story and will be keep looking forward to read more from you. Also thanks for tagging, I may take some time because I have been doing less reviews lately. But I will definitely try to do it.

Keep writing :)




Draculus says...


Thank you! I hope I'll be able not to disappoint you and all the readers with the next chapter, though I'm only in the process of building the plan up Xb By the way, all that Chase's story about a magician is quite real, just as the names are) I'm going to reveal a little more info about the entore world I've built, and I hope that'll be interesting.



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Mon Jun 22, 2020 11:52 pm
brotherGeo wrote a review...



Hello comrade Draculus!
I just binge read all the chapters and damn, good stuff. I am a pretty shite reviewer but i was reading this and saw it was still in the green room so why not. apologies that i really don't have to much to add, this review is mostly opinion based. i really love your descriptions it paints a clear picture in the mind and your excellent imaging just improves the picture in my head tenfold. I really didn't see that coming with chase being a thief, i originally thought he had like a little bit of real magic, but chase as thief adds a whole other level of character to him. I also really like how towards the end that Annabel realised her parents may also have been thieves. the conversations between Annabel and Chase are really well done, as someone else said, their conversations make them sound friendly and comfortable with each other but not entirely trusting. like the rest of your chapters this is really well written. i hope to see more of your excellent writing, and i can't wait to see what happens next
-brotherGeo




Draculus says...


Thank you very much! I'm so glad you liked this chapter and all the previous ones) And I'm grateful for the good words, of course) Though I think I might have confused you somehow and made you think Annabel's parents were thieves, I didn't really mean that. I meant they were poor and needed support, but, maybe, your version of the situation may also take place)



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Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:50 pm
Hijinks wrote a review...



Hello Draculus! I'm back for another review!

I'm really enjoying the pace of this chapter -- it is fairly long, but we as the reader get a lot of information from it! We learn that Chase is a thief, and he wants Annabel to help him. I really like that we see the thought process when Annabel hears what he has to say -- uncertainty, deliberation, anxiety, and finally resignation. She's not just making the decision in a split second, which I think is a really realistic way to portray the character.

There are some lovely descriptions in this chapter, and there's also a smattering of beautiful imagery -- I love it, and I'd definitely suggest trying to add even more imagery where possible!

I could hardly find any grammar mistakes, either, so good job on that!

Now on to some more specific comments --

The boy himself seemed absolutely at ease, scarcely caring a hang for what everyone thought of him or wanted to hear from him.

I'm not entirely sure what "a hang" means in this scenario. It could be a saying that I don't know, but I usually hear it something along the lines of "scarcely caring a penny" or the like.

Annabel glanced at the round shiny piece of iron once again, feeling things slowly clear up in her mind. The truth suddenly hit her like a lightning in the middle of the blue sky.

I really love the imagery here! I think the metaphor could be made even more interesting if you went with something like, "The truth suddenly hit her like a lightning bolt in the middle of a foggy evening sky." This way, the foggy sky demonstrates the confusion in her mind, as opposed to simply a blue sky.
(I also think it should probably be "a lightning bolt" instead of just "a lightning".)

“And to me it seems like you just show-off,” Annabel grunted under her breath.

“Maybe,” Chase shrugged. “I’ve never said I don’t.”

I love seeing interactions like this between these two! It shows that they're fairly comfortable around each other, if not entirely friendly.

“You know exactly what I mean,” the girl said. “Why didn’t you tell me you are a thief?”

This is such a great plot twist -- I knew something was up but I didn't see this coming.

Right now I’d like you to listen to me so that you know I’m preparing for a big heist in which you’re supposed to get involved.”

So that's the big thing that they're in a rush to get to the capital for!

“I guarantee you that you won’t get caught by anyone, unless you don’t go to a city guard captain and surrender.”

I think you don't want the "don't" in this sentence.

“I hope this will serve you as a guaranty?”

*guarantee

“You mean you have no use in making me a tool that would help you get what you want without exhausting yourself, and after that leaving all the money in your own pocket, sharing it with no one else?”


Overall this is another well-written chapter. I think the plot is advancing really nicely, I would just suggest adding some more imagery throughout! That's it for my review, I hope it helps -- and if you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Keep writing!

whatchamacallit


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Draculus says...


Thank you for the review) I'll try to watch out sich small mistakes like those ones, and will definitely think on adding a little more of details to the story that can make it more interesting.




I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
— Roald Dahl