At first you were a tide
Nibbling at my feet
I paid it no passing glance
Until I dove in deep
Then you were the ocean
You felt grand and bright
There was a calm all around me
I wish it stayed like that til night
But now your just a wave
A calm and beautiful tide
And as the waves get bigger
Reluctant, I head inside
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139,203 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I want to say welcome ( a very belated one) to YWS I hope you enjoy your time here. Please let me know if you need anything we don't bite here! However Let's get into the review, shall we?
Overall I enjoyed this piece it's shot and filled with imagery. The water imagery is clean but vivid and paints the picture of a crush well. It doesn't overstay its welcome and does a good job tying the narrative together. I know this is mostly about crushes as the name implies but I feel this could also fit the honeymoon phase and beyond. Now it's not because the aftermath of the honeymoon phase means you hold no interest in your partner but more how we view it. We tend to think of the extreme emotions present in the early days as the end all be all when it's normal for it to become routine. As long as you two work together not to drift away it's not an issue.
That's at least how I view it. I am sorry that was a very long paragraph I hope that will make up for me not having feedback.
Enjoy your time here, keep writing and stay hydrated!
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DrDropout says...
Thank you for the review you were right in guessing it was the honeymoon faze but the relationship never started. We went on dates but when I asked he out she said no because of college but then we went on another date and i thought it went well but apparently not which is why I put the %u201Creluctant I went inside%u201D line. You were probably the closest to what I was trying to say tnh but I left it vague on purpose so people could interpret it in their own way.
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DrDropout says...
Thank you for the review you were right in guessing it was the honeymoon faze but the relationship never started. We went on dates but when I asked he out she said no because of college but then we went on another date and i thought it went well but apparently not which is why I put the %u201Creluctant I went inside%u201D line. You were probably the closest to what I was trying to say tnh but I left it vague on purpose so people could interpret it in their own way.
Hello fellow writer! Ley here to write a tortoise-y review on this amazing work you've published! This is a new review style that I'm using only for the month of June, in spirit of the Great Tortoise Race! Let's get started, 'shell' we? xD
Shell Start:
Hi! Welcome to YWS! I saw this poem hanging in the literary section and the title drew me in, so here we are :3, When It comes to poetry, I don't usually like critiquing on grammar and punctuation, so I'll just focus on the content/words and themes I spotted within this poem. Let's get into it~
Favorite Leaf:
These were my all-time favorite lines:
To me, this made the whole poem make sense. I read it as -- and I may be way off here, so please correct me if I'm wrong -- that there's a person you're interested in, and you were so excited and happy to be with them/ be around them. And then something happened, not sure what it was, but it made you change your mind; hence the 'as the waves get bigger'. I loved these lines!
Shell Fractures:
I couldn't find anything worth changing here. It looks all good to me!
Overall:
Overall, this was a metaphorically artistic description of what it's like to be interested in someone, only to lose that feeling a short time later (in my opinion, but like I said, please correct me if I'm wrong <3). Thank you for sharing, and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
Thank you for taking the time to read this review! I hope to see you join the race, and keep being awesome! Happy Writing~
Thank you for the review you were right in guessing it was the honeymoon faze but the relationship never started. We went on dates but when I asked he out she said no because of college but then we went on another date and i thought it went well but apparently not which is why I put the %u201Creluctant I went inside%u201D line. You were probably the closest to what I was trying to say tnh but I left it vague on purpose so people could interpret it in their own way.
Oops wrong comment I did really appreciate your feedback tho as well I just replied to the wrong comment. Pls let me know if you find anything I could improve upon
No problem!
I have never been to the ocean/beach but i always wanted to go there. The excitement of the waves washing over my feet, the feel of the sand between my toes. Then the fear that it will end all too soon.
Have you been to the beach before? Something tells me you have experienced what i have never.
Let me know
One2Three
Hi friend, my name is Ellie and I am here to leave a review for this lovely poem of yours! Let's jump right in and get started
This was a sweet beginning to the poem. We begin with comparing someone to the tide, this more gentle pull touching yours skin softly, as it comes and goes. Finally, you took the leap and you jumped into the 'deep'. I take this as a relationship with someone, which started off small, but you were the one to take the leap.
And then this person becomes the whole ocean, so vast and so much bigger. You learned so much more about them and felt like you could endlessly explore them and be lost in their secrets. You are suddenly in the middle of this ocean- this great calm and stillness.
But then they become a wave, within this stillness. You lost sight of what you had before because of the force, suddenness, harshness, which was overpowering. The last line, going inside- did you mean going inside the wave, or going inside as in leaving the ocean? I could see it going both ways- getting drowned in their waves, or leaving before it was too late.
Either way, this was a beautiful and simple poem. Fantastic work!
Your friend,
Ellie
Okay, so usually, I don't like poetry, but this was really something. I love the descriptive words that you used, such as 'nibbling' and 'grand and bright'. It really paints a picture for me, if that makes sense. And your metaphor!!!!! I love it!!!!! You really did a great job on this. Please keep writing, and I can't wait to read more of your work!
Xoxo,
Fiona
Thank you so much for your kind words please let me know if u have any critiques or ideas for me to improve
Hey there! I see you're new to the website. Welcome to YWS. :] I just wanted to drop by to say that I think this poem is really sweet and well-written.
Thanks please let me know if u have any critiques or insights in hoe I could improve!