Young Writers Society

Hey Biscuits! Here as promised.... Oooh! I like the new addition! This formatting for me was super smooth to read.

I thought the flow and rhyming seemed natural throughout. One little phrasing/line I didn't care for as much was "if not for you I'd drown in woe" -- for me that just seemed liked a bit too much. But I liked the rest of the dialogue. The scene's a bit tense as they go back and forth deciding what needs to be done and discussing the danger of the task.

I was a bit confused about the phrasing of these two lines as well: "An ken ye how the land's our soul / Connects our life and makes us whole?" -- is how supposed to be "know?" I'm just losing the meaning of what's being asked in the first half.

As far as the second to last stanza, I wasn't sure if you were referring to a metaphorical raven or like the person was actually going to turn into a battle raven -- I'll be curious to see how all that shakes out.

I really liked the part about silence being the perfect partner to the gloom! And I like the note of pure confidence in that last stanza too.

Nice work again!

~alliyah

I AM BACK FOR ROUND THREE YESSSSSSS!

First things first, I think the images is the way to go because it is smoother to read if you just want to read through, but you get the handiness of annotations right there to the side, and I am pleased by this. It's just like reading it in a proper book. ;P

I see the maid has returned (yes!) to be a downer (nay!) because she cares (whoo!) and is that subtext of a particular variety I spy? I mean, it's obvious here that they're friends, but I'm getting the impression from how bold Sinead is that they're really friends, which, if it is the case, will be interesting to see how it plays into the later parts. Though if it's a purely platonic relationship, that's also cool, and I'm behind those two's friendship all the way.

The flow of this was nice and smooth for the most part, though if I might make a suggestion, including a pronunciation guide for the names (now that you've got the snazzy sidebar of annotations thing going on) and some of the vocabulary would help keep the flow flowing as I did have to take a guess at some of the pronunciations (een in particular) which threw off the rhythm of those lines until I figured out a possible (and possibly incorrect) way of saying them which didn't mess with the flow.

I still have no idea how Sinead is actually said though.