Published April 23, 2006
And I scream out for you
For the no-one-in-particulars I call my friends
And faintly a response surfaces the cold water
Only a bubble
Not you
It was never you
Different
But I still see her face in you
Killing the fish to feed the tormentor never felt so good
Two total opposites
Sitting close to liquid
Sipping, playing
Not a care in this moment
A sort of tainted love in this moment
We stood
Two amebae fused
Both needing each other
To the sound of broken waves
And to the beat of the checkout we departed
Losing those key parts from when we fused
Promised to keep in touch, but with no courage nothing will happen
As one became two
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hmm. I see what you're all getting at. I did try to hard I think. But nonetheless it's an inside thing, like all poems I guess, and it really does express my feelings of the topic.
Thanks. I appreciate the honesty everyone.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I kind of like how you write normally (I really liked "Your Third Eye") but seriously. I didn't get a word of that. I agree whole-heartedly with inertia. You tried hard - that was obvious - and I admire you for it, but maybe you should have your hands removed. Just in case. Really. I don't want to be rude, but... but...
I don't know. There are no words. Confusing, poor, mind-boggling and questionable all come to mind but none of them are the right words really. I have absolutely no idea what you were trying to do with this. (But I mean that in a nice way).
What on Earth was that? It definitely wasn't poetry. I'd have to agree with Inertia. There are major issues with this poem. I't take it back to the writing desk and really work on it. I can tell though that you put a lot of work into it. Good Luck. ](*,)
Secretly, eh?
THAT WITHIN ITSELF IS A POEM!
Also it was cruel....
*Quotes it for a sig*
It wasn't that bad honestly but I can't give a good critique becuase I'm half asleep.
*has secretly fallen in love with Intertia*
I think if a dictionary were thrown in a blender with a pint of blood and vomit, ingested by a homeless man with a severe case of gingivitis and then regurgetated into a kiddy pool filled with snails and maggots, crushed up to get that nice crunch sound out the snails shells, and then fed to a killer whale, who would also regurgetate it, it would still look good compared to this piece of literary shame.
I hope your hands are cut off so you can't write anymore.
:lots_hearts: