Published May 7, 2006
(Microsoft word autoname this poem "I won" when I saved it and I thought it was fitting, so that's why I left it.)
"I won’t let your shallow, black water suffocate me in sadness again
Or drown my senses to the point of numbness
I’m drenched in your ignorance
But I’m getting up, crawling up
Drying off"
Nurture had the upper hand
But nature took it by the neck
Strangled the life from that source of sorrow
And stood up again refreshed
With a last gasping breath
Nurture said:
“You don’t love me”
And fell against the floor, dead.
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139,517 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Just for the sake of mixing up words, I'd put "out" instead of "up".
I liked the rhyme, loved the poem, and only suggest that you go through and lowercase ever letter that would not need such a stance in and ordinary sentance. Just suggestions, as always.
I really liked the middle stanza, where the whole nurture/nature cliche became un-cliched and cool.
The last two lines were a little... abrupt? or something. Or maybe I'm just not getting it. But overall a very nice and intriguing poem.
Very well done, but I think it didn't follow the title. Well written and good regularity with the lines.
I was sort of confused, but it really drew me in. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
_/)
This is gonna sound so stupid, but the 'Stood up again refreshed' bit sounds like something we'ed sing in Lenten mass. How completely strange.
Thank you very much.
If this is about the subject I think it is, I can't really relate, so I'll stick with empathy.
I like the ending, in that it was blunt and hit hard (once the reader can understand what 'nurture' is). I also like the 'fight scene' as I'm gonna call it. Gives images, but also reflects everything beyond what the fight looks like... or something.
As always, I love your work.