The Cavalcade of the Pied Piper Ch1

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The Cavalcade of the Pied Piper

Ch. 1

     The bombs blasted the side of the ship. Despite the warning to surrender, the little cargo ship has decided to fight. Well, they want war, fine. I’ll give them war…and I’ll have fun doing it.

     “Bring her ‘round port side! Man the canons! Take five survivors! You know what to do!” I leaned over the railing on the top deck. The crew scurried about with bombs and gun powder yelling at the top of their lungs. They knew the drill. Entice fear from the enemy and they’ll surrender faster. Any way quicker to the loot these rats find it. But that’s what makes them the best crew. That’s what makes them my crew.

     The bombs were fired and the water splashing coupled with the sound of wood splintering made the perfect morning music to my ears. Being known for my harsh cruelty and savage nature was an exhilarating feeling. Every morning I wake up and wonder, what if? What if I hadn’t stowed away that day so far gone?

     I turned to my first mate, Jim the Toothless, as my ship hit the Magistrate’s. He was a huge man. Toothless as his name suggested and, with a tattoo of a mermaid on his arm, he made quite a sight. “Find me when all this is done,” I waved to the fighting breaking out as the Magistrate’s crew fought for control. “I’ll be in my cabin.” I turned away. The rest was routine. No need to see who will win, I already knew who.

     Lounging in my cabin I wound up a music box that I had found a couple of raids back. The clash against the yelling and screaming from outside against the dainty hum of classical music was wonderful; which is why I had decided to keep it. I spun around a few times dancing in beat with the explosions. Finally falling down into my giant chair behind my mighty desk I took a deep breath; another mission complete. I’ll admit it was hard to track this ship down, I will never trust the Magistrate’s ship-records again. The people living under the Magistrate’s rule are such vile creatures. Everyone knows what’s really going on there.

     Soon the mayhem and destruction were over followed by jeering and laughter. My first mate appeared at the door way.

     “Five prisoners under control just like you wanted.” He emphasized the words. He knew I didn’t like ‘uneducated’ speech. For some reason the crew often picked up bad habits working at the docks.

     I walked toward the door of my chamber leading to the deck. I could hear shouting outside. It seemed to be coming from one of the prisoners.

     “Who’s the captain of this ship? I demand to know! Tell me!” a voice boomed from the deck.

     I smirked.

     The whole crew raised their hands. The man’s face paled. It’s nice to see fear struck into those of cowardly nature: brings such entertainment to the ranks.

     Slowly I opened my door and saw the horrified faces of the prisoners.

     “A woman!” the man yelled, “You bring a woman on a ship?” As fast as his face had paled it grew red and as he spoke he started to spit revealing just how angered he was.

     “Oh yes, little man,” I chuckled, “I am a woman; Captain Rosaline of the Pied Piper; finest ship around.” I looked down at the puny man obviously the captain of the Magistrate’s ship with his oversized hat and smug look that was permanently smeared across his face. He looked like a beetle with his black little eyes. I saw fear in those eyes. Going to the man on the outside of the cluster of prisoners I looked into the sailor’s face. My first mate handed me a dagger.

     “You know, you can do so many things with a dagger.” I held it up to his throat, “Who are you? Are you of any importance?” I asked. He vigorously shook his head, too afraid to speak. “Well then, you are no use to me.”

Stepping back and with one motion I cut his throat, smiling. The man’s eyes widened and he began to seize and cough up blood. He was still alive as he hit the deck watching his life spill out before him. I went to the next man.

     “Who are you? Are you of any importance?” The man looked at the other that was still dying on the deck and nods.

     “Yes,” he squeaked out, “great importance.”

     I nod slowly. “Pity, I can’t have anybody with your...stature live.” He gaped at me and quickly grabbed his neck as I started to swing. Too bad I was aiming for his stomach. His entrails and other things fell out along with a good amount of blood mingling on the deck with that of his comrade’s. Blood is always good to inflict fear.

     I turned back to the man in the middle who first asked for the captain with his ridiculous oversized hat.

     “So,” I started softly. Always better to start tranquil. “Where is it?”

     He looked at me. So eager to hurl insults and rebukes but, now at the sight of blood, had shut up like a clam. I sighed, always the silent treatment. When will they realize it’s just better for them to cooperate? I threw the knife at the man to the left of the captain, hitting the man right in the heart. He went down without a sound. Three down, two more living; I was on a roll.

     The captain grimaced. The crew applauded. Nice to give a show on a thing like this, builds up morale.

“Fine!” he yelled. “I’ll tell you!”

     “What a change of heart. I wonder what made you so obliging.” I smirked. This truly was great fun and all, but it does get tedious after a while. “So, where is it?” I asked once again.

     He sighed and then relented. “It’s under the rug in the captain’s chamber. Pull up the floor boards and you’ll find it.” I nodded towards one of my crew. He scurried off to get it.

     “You better hope that that’s the truth. If not, the deaths of your comrades will look like mercy.” I threaten under my breath. He understood. I saw the look in his eyes. He was no longer playing games.

     “I got it!” came a shout from the other ship. The crew member was running back as quickly as his legs could carry him. Tripping twice along the way the scroll was eventually in my hands. Yes, I finally have it, after months of searching.

     I opened it up, checked twice, and then closed it. “Kill the others.” I said. The last two were useless. I no longer needed them. I had what I came for. “Set a coarse back to Cartannia.”

     “Wait!” I heard a yell from behind me. I spun around. The last sailor from the other ship, still alive, yelled as if his life depended on it, which it was obviously. “I want to join your crew!”

     I looked him over, a boy a few years younger than me with gray eyes and blond hair. Despite his situation he looked calm, bordering on relaxation. Why a boy yelling for his life looked relaxed, I had no clue.

     “Who are you?” I asked.

     “I’m just a boy, a boy who wants to live.” He responded. Something in his demeanour felt off. As if he already knew he was going to die so he might as well say whatever he wants.

     “You interest me. Fine, I’ll give you a test and if you complete it, I’ll give you a job. What’s your name, boy?”

     “Celvin, Celvin Van Arnam. I’ll do anything...Captain.” he added.

     I’m starting to like this boy already. “Fine,” I said “unarmed combat and the defeat of your previous captain.”

Can this day become any more fun?

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Apple
Review
Apple wrote a review · Thu May 19, 2011 8:49 pm

OH MY GOD, Djinn you have talent. I couldn't pull my eyes away as I read this, I was so drawn in! Holy cow, my lordy, this -- good gravy! I absolutely love it! The girl being a captain made me gasp; honestly, I thought it was a guy at first but then you twisted it around and served me gravy instead of spaghetti. Great job. That kind of twist makes readers all excited and I can tell you when I read it I was jumping up and down in my seat.

My other most favouite part is that Rose (I know giving a pirate a nickname is bad, but I'm going to) is such an excellent character. She's believable, she has a voice and she's got spunk: everything a very good MC should have. Even your other, minor characters were believable and that's a very large, and hard feat to do and yet you did it swimmingly. Ha, more pirate humour.

Before I go on, I want you to promise that when the next chapter comes up you'll post it on my wall or alert me by PM! You have to or I'll go Rosalie on your throat.

Hmm one thing I will suggest is organising the story so it has paragraphs, as so in the spoiler:

Spoiler
The bombs blasted the side of the ship. Despite the warning to surrender the little cargo ship has decided to fight. Well, they want war, fine. I’ll give them war. And I’ll have fun along the way.

“Bring her around port side! Man the canons! Take five survivors!” I leaned over the railing on the top deck. The crew scurried about with bombs and gun powder yelling at the top of their lungs. They knew the drill. Entice fear from enemy, they surrender faster. Any way quicker to the treasures these rats find it. But that’s what makes them the best crew. That’s what makes them my crew.

The bombs were fired and water splashing coupled with the sound of wood splintering made the perfect morning music to my ears. Being known for my harsh cruelty and savage nature was an exhilarating feeling. Every morning I wake up and wonder, what if? What if I hadn’t stowed away that day so far gone?

I turned to my first mate, Jim the Toothless, as my ship hit the Magistrate’s. He was a huge man. Toothless as his name suggests and with a tattoo of a mermaid on his arm he made quite a sight.

“Find me when all this,” I waved to the fighting breaking out as the Magistrate’s crew fought for control, “is done. I’ll be in my cabin.” I turned away. The rest was routine. No need to see who wins, I already know who.

Lounging in my cabin I wind up a music box that I found a couple of raids back. The clash against the yelling and screaming from outside was magical. Which is why I had decided to keep it. I spun around a few times dancing in beat with the explosions. Finally falling down into my giant chair behind my desk I took a deep breath. Another mission finished. I’ll admit it was hard to track this bugger down. Never trusting a Magistrate’s ship again. They are such vile creatures. Soon the mayhem and destruction was over followed by jeering and laughter. My first mate appeared at the door way.

“Five prisoners under control just like you wanted.” He emphasized the words. He knew I didn’t like uneducated talk which is why I said I’d kill the next man who said ‘arg’. Such a pointless word. It doesn’t even mean anything. For some reason they just picked it up working at the docks somewhere. If I ever find the person who invented such nonsense, I will gladly kill him.

I walked toward the door of my chamber leading to the deck. I could hear shouting outside. It seemed to be coming from one of the prisoners.

“Who’s the captain of this ship? I demand to know! Tell me!” a voice came from the deck.

I smirked. The whole crew raised their hands. The man’s face paled. It’s nice to see fear struck into those of cowardly nature. Brings such entertainment in the ranks.

Slowly I open my door. I walk out…and see the faces of the prisoners.

“A WOMAN?” the man yelled, “You bring a woman on a ship?” as fast as his face had paled it grew red and as he said the words he started to spit he was so aggravated.

“Oh yes, little man, I am a woman. Captain Rosaline of the Pied Piper; finest ship around.” I looked down at the puny man obviously the captain of the Magistrate’s ship. He looked like a beetle with his beady little eyes. I can see fear in those eyes. Going to the man on the outside of the cluster of prisoners I look into the sailor’s face. My first mate hands me a dagger.

“You know, you can do so many things with a dagger.” I hold it up to his throat, “Who are you? Are you of any importance?” I ask. He vigorously shakes his head, too afraid to speak.

“Well then, you’re of no use to me.” Stepping back and, in the same fluid motion cutting his throat, I smile. I haven’t smiled in a while. The man’s eyes widened and he began seizing and coughing up blood. He was still alive as he hit the deck watching his life spill out before him. I went to the next man.

“Who are you? Are you of any importance?” The man looks at the other that is still dying on the deck and nods.

“Yes,” he squeaks out, “great importance.”

I nod slowly. “Pity, I can’t have anybody with your stature live.” He gapes at me and quickly grabs at his neck as I start to swing. Too bad I was aiming for his stomach. His entrails and other things fall out along with a good amount of blood. Blood is always good to inflict fear.

I turn back to the man in the middle who first asked for the captain.

“So,” I started softly. Always better to start tranquil. “Where is it?”

He looked at me. So eager to hurl insults and rebukes but, now, has shut up like a clam. I sigh. Always the silent treatment. When will they realize it’s just better for them to cooperate? I threw the knife at the man to the left of the captain, hitting the man right in the heart. He went down without a sound. The captain grimaced. The crew applauded. Nice to give a show on a thing like this. Builds up moral.

“Fine!” he yelled. “I’ll tell you!”

“What a change of heart. I wonder what made you so obliging.” I smirk. This truly is great fun but it does get tedious after a while. “So, where is it?” I asked once again.

He sighed and then relented. “It’s under the rug in the captain’s chamber. Pull up the floor boards and you’ll find it.” I nodded towards one of my crew. He scurried off to get it.

“You better hope that that’s the truth. If not, the deaths of your comrades will look like mercy killings.” I threaten under my breath. He understood. I saw the look in his eye. He was no longer playing games.

“I got it!” came a shout from the other ship. The crew member came running back as quickly as his legs could carry him. Tripping twice along the way the scroll was eventually in my hands. Yes, I finally have it. After months of searching.
I opened it up, checked twice, and then closed it. “Kill the others.” I said. The last two were useless. I no longer needed them. I had what I came for. “Set a coarse back to Cartannia.”

“Wait!” I heard a yell from behind me. I spun around. The last sailor from the other ship still alive yelled as if his life depended on it, which it was obviously. “I want to join your crew!”

I looked him over. A boy a few years younger than me. Despite his situation he looked calm, bordering on relaxation. Why a boy yelling for his life looked relaxed, I have no clue.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“Just a boy, a boy who wants to live.” He responded. Something in his demeanor felt off. As if he already knew he was going to die so he might as well say whatever he wants.

“You interest me. Fine, I’ll give you a test and if you complete it, I’ll give you a job. What’s your name, boy?”
“Celvin, Celvin Van Arnam. I’ll do anything, captain!”

I’m starting to like this boy already. “Fine,” I said “unarmed combat and the defeat of your previous captain.” Can this day become any more fun?


In my reviews I don't go grammar/spelling but that doesn't mean you have some grammar mistakes. I believe that there is a forum for that, arg, and that can help you with your punctuation which seems to be the only really bad problem. If you're to lazy to go check it out then I suggest reading over the whole text aloud and when you come across a stop, slap a commar in there or place in a semi-colon if it sounds like it is two sentences.

I feel like this is a pretty terrible review because I cannot give you constructive critism because it's all good. Oh, and I just want to tell you what else I like: the boy joining the crew at the end. Makes me think is there going to be a romance or this guy bad news? And you make it even more enticing with the battle to the deat....you know what Djinn, you've just become my favourite writer on this site!



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— Squidward Tentacles