Cycling

by Djinn

Published October 11, 2011

Cycling


I laugh at your jokes,
I jest with your words,
I smile at your looks,
I continue living each and every day.

I hurt inside. Laugh.
I don’t want to tell you. Jest.
I feel insecure. Smile.
I’m upset. Continue.

I cry. Laugh.
I long to tell you. Jest.
I scream inside. Smile.
I’m sad. Continue.

Laugh. Jest. Smile. Continue
I don’t know what to do.
Laugh. Jest. Smile. Continue.
I don’t know what to say.

Laugh. Jest. Smile. Continue.



You are my ocean of emptiness.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Djinn
Comment
Djinn commented Comment · Jun 19, 2012

I wrote this about a guy who I actually still like when I realized he liked someone else. I even saw them kissing. I continue to be his friend even though it hurts me inside to be there with him and joke around and talk. The pattern came to me when I was riding home on my bike crying after I saw them kissing.

User avatar
rememberme
Review
rememberme wrote a review Review · Oct 11, 2011

This poem was good. But if you ask me, it made no sense, probably because you didnt have a story line or plot. What are you talking about? Is this "jest" because of a person. Who? What? Where? Why? Who made you feel this way, is it even because of a person? Who is the person your laughing at? Where is this taking place? School home? Why? Why? Why? Why?

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kendallelise
Review
kendallelise wrote a review Review · Oct 11, 2011

lovely! this IS a sad poem :( I love how you took the words from the first stanza and continued them throughout the poem! one nit-picky thing I have to say is that when you say this,

I scream inside. Smile.
I’m sad. Continue.
I would change the "sad" to a better word. "I'm aching, I'm falling...etc" I feel these words would better evoke the tone with which the rest of the poem follows.

good job!



The thing about plummeting downhill at fifty miles an hour on a snack platter - if you realize it's a bad idea when you're halfway down, it's too late.
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune