One Cold Night.

            The injured and frightened fawn stared at me from its hiding place. The poor creature couldn’t flee from what as it saw as a remorseless black tiger, a predator.  The wind howled and the wet, icy snow buffeted my back, not even my fur and heavy clothing could come close to keeping me warm, I needed shelter. At that moment, I questioned my wisdom for being here. I had been well aware of the forecast, not a night to be outside, the kind of night where even the wolves would put off their hunting, and shelter in a cave, merely because they knew that no other living creature would be moving about…

            I hesitated and then entered the small place, sheltered from the wind and snow. The fawn made a distressed noise, convinced I was going to kill it. I could have, the smell of its fear and the fact that I had been fighting through the snow and wind all day, and finally far past sunset made my stomach growl and my instincts rage for me to hunt. I had the claws and teeth for it, heck, I probably had the digestive tract for raw meat… But I didn’t, I gently moved close to the fawn, stroking its side as I bandaged its injured leg as I tried to prove that I wasn’t a threat. 

            I brushed back a strand of my long white hair, seeing my reflection in those wide brown eyes, it seemed to finally be calming down a little bit. Whether out of resignation or out of trust I’ll never know. I sighed, ignored my growling stomach again, and curled up next to the warm creature for the night. Very glad that even though I hadn’t brought the means to keep a fire going after I fell asleep, or the type of bedding one would use on starless nights where the fairy’s kisses turn to imp bites and old man winter ages further into the mask of death. I had been able to find shelter, and, a way to keep two sad creatures warm, at least for one night….

(Please note that this is actually a ten minute write. Not a short story, I'm sory for any confusion but there wasn't a better place to put it when I posted this)

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
ERZA
Review
ERZA wrote a review · Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:00 am

Hey Dingo! Creative story! Its looks more like a prolouge or a trailor or a draft sort of stuff. I think you can work on it and come up with something really nice. Seeing that this piece is so creative I bet you can come up with something nice from this. Really nice narrative and it is written very nicely seeing that you wrote this in ten minutes. Please do come up with something regarding this! I am so curious about it...it has simply caubht my attention! Even a poem or a song on this would work.
You have good sense of prose and the similies were perfectly used. Nice job! And keep writing!! :-) Also do tell me if you come up with something. I will be more than happy to read it. :-) :-)

User avatar
Cspr
Review
Cspr wrote a review · Thu May 24, 2012 9:07 pm

Okay, so, this was interesting. I get a vague idea of mercy, of cold winter, and a wolf-like or actual wolf protagonist. It's enough to interest me simply.

However, all I got were glimpses, flashes of a narrative. I'm not sure exactly what happened. You need to write action clearer, work on pacing, and space things out. You need paragraphs. You need, basically, more detail so the reader can quite grasp what is going on. Because a writer is a story-teller. You can break rules once you know them, but, first and foremost, a writer must tell a story. All I got were snatches of a story, like I was eavesdropping on two people's conversation on a train. That's it. I couldn't tell someone about this short story. I couldn't explain it to them.

I suggest you read some more short stories--pick up an anthology or magazine--and see how they work. See how they're written, how they have a clear beginning, middle, and end. See how they have a purpose and theme. See their pacing. Otherwise, I suggest picking up a few nonfiction books on writing to get a handle on the craft of it all.

You do have good grammar and your style, your voice, insofar seems curious. There's hope here. The story is short and muddled and without enough clarity, but I don't see you having to trash it. Edit it. Make what's going on clearer. Etc.

These are my suggestions. Feel free to take them with a grain of salt.

Keep writing,
Cas



I should infinitely prefer a book.
— Mary Bennet, Pride and Prejudice