When my entire existence sways in your words
they hold me like magic
while all my world is ablaze
and ten thousand miles feels like ten million oceans
drowning
me
and fear and mystery surround once solid trees
and I see no way through
They say it's like falling,
falling in love.
But falling hits the ground.
This feels like flying
in spite of ten thousand miles
in spite of pain
regret
sleepless nights
No
this is freedom.
Freedom to feel. To feel your warmth.
To fly above my pain
To love
to love you.
I love you.
Secret Ninja Y
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I probably shouldn't review this, since I'm kind of falling asleep and don't think it's actually possible to write an unbiased review about this, since this poem reminded me so much of my amazing boyfriend so I automatically loved this poem.
Okay, so first of all, I just love this poem in general. I really like how well you capture the emotions you express in your piece. The way you describe this other person setting your world ablaze, it's a really good line that I can definitely identify with. I also love the line about the miles compared to the oceans. So true.
One suggestion would be to break this up in the middle. I know YWS has a tendency to mess with the formatting of poems so you may have intended this to be formatted differently, but I think if you separated it into two stanzas that would add a lot. Or maybe even three, with the two lines about falling being a stanza by themselves and split the part about drowning from the part about flying.
Anyway, that's just a suggestion, and I really can't find much else I would want you to change here. I love the ending, the progression of your statements. For some reason they made me think of trains. Actually, they kind of somehow led to me getting hit by a train. Anyway...
I look forward to seeing more of your work. If you have any questions or comments feel free to tell them all to me. You can write me a PM or post on my wall or send me a Facebook message or Skype me anytime you like. You know what, if you wanna, like, rendezvous in Mexico in four or five weeks to talk about the subject of this poem, that would be cool too.
-Cheers,
Cailey
Wow, just wow. I love everything from the wording to the format!
It seemed like this piece was going to be sad but then it hit me, the realization of love and the liberating feeling it brings. This speaks to my heart and that's what makes it so amazing. Thank you for sharing your work on what it means to fall in love.
I hope to read more from you again!
keep up the good work
Here to review!
I love the vocabulary and wording that you used. It really set the tone of the poem. I also really like the concept. I feel as if this is someone talking about a lover who is very far away, and they feel the pain of not being able to see them. I have felt this pain before, and I can tell you, it feels just like this. You captured this perfectly. Overall, a great poem, and a great author.
The wording in this poem is beautiful, and really captures what love is to you. The layout is my only concern though; usually, when one goes on to the next line, they would leave a comma at the end of each line, with another piece of punctuation on the end of the verse. The start of each line -regardless of whether it's in the middle of sentence- is usually a capital letter. This gives it some rhythm.
It is still a beautiful poem, and I would really like to see more of your writing.
Random Columns
Actually you really don't need to have punctuation at the end of each line. In fact that style often makes a poem feel choppy, and it definitely would for this piece. The lack of punctuation makes the poem flow much more easily and freely. Capital letters is also not necessary unless it's part of a stylistic choice. I mean, check out e.e.cummings. He did crazy stuff with punctuation and capitalization and is uber famous because of it.