Creep

This story is based off of the song "Creep" by Radiohead.  I will paste the lyrics at the end of the story, in case you have never heard it before.

I looked at her from across the room at this lame house party. Amber, I've been practically in love with her since the middle school. And she knows that.

Her beautiful brunette hair, her blue eyes, her flawless skin, all make me cry in the inside. She's so perfect. Perfect. That's all that her life has been, raised with loads of money, and an endless amount of people giving her everything she wants.

She notices me staring at her, and whispers to her friends, who all turn also. I turn away and I can here them calling me names. Creep. Weirdo. I've heard them all. I am them all.

I leave the room for another drink, seeing as how I'm going to need this tonight. My friend, Patricia, forced me to come, telling me how I need to socialize more. I don't need it, but after she cried to me about her worries I felt as though it was the only thing to do. I have one friend, and that's it. Losing her is the last thing I want, or need for that matter. But no matter how important she is to me, she can never know my secret. I might lose her if she did.

I pour myself another cup of gin and sprite, as I feel someone breathing down my neck. I turn around knowing exactly who it is. My crazy ex-boyfriend, Sam. Stalked me for years, around town, and via the internet. Many have told me to get a restraining order, but I just couldn't go through with it.

Sam drunkenly smiles, "Hey, I miss you."

I start walking away, repulsed in every aspect of him, "Leave me alone. Do you not understand what it means.

He grabs my arm, "No! All I want is ten minutes of your time, that's it. Then I'll be out of your life forever."

"I don't want to talk to you. Ever," I pull easily from his grasp, always being the stronger one in the relationship.

I walk quickly out of the room, hearing a bottle smash and Sam's friends consoling him, calling me a bitch, a psycho, a creep. Maybe they would see him differently if they knew that he raped me in my own house. With my family just rooms away. Except I didn't know it was rape, I was naive and thought it was normal in a relationship.

I go outside, needing to get out of the house, and all the people that could care less about me.  I take a deep breath and pull out a cigarette, thankful for the inviting burn in my throat. Someone comes out a little after me. It's Amber, except she isn't with her montage of friends, as she usually is. She snickers at me, "I didn't see you as a smoker."

I blow out a puff, "No one sees me for who I really am."

She flips her hair, "I hear that. Do you mind if I have one?"

I offered her my pack and lighter and she took it. She lit up, and our hands gently touched as she gave it back, and it sent shivers down my spine. I coughed, "I didn't know you smoked."

She smiled, "No, I usually don't. Only on occasion, sometimes. You won't tell anyone, right? Everyone would hate me if they found out."

"No one talks to me anyways. You know that."

She looked away, puckering her lips. I couldn't stop staring at her, and she noticed, "Everyone thinks your a creep, you know."

Now it was my turn to look away and grimace, "Yeah, I know."

"I wish I was you."

"Why on Earth would you ever want that? You live in a beautiful world, floating like a feather wherever you go. No matter what you do, everyone can see know flaw in it. You're so special to everyone. And I'm a creep."

She sucked in the smoke of her cigarette, "I want to not be special."

"I wish I was special. You honestly don't want to be me."

She looked me in the eyes, and I instinctively turned away, never being able to look back at her. "I want to know one of your secrets. You seem so dark, and mysterious. I want to know something about you that would shock me."

I paused, "I... I don't know."

"If I tell you a secret, will you tell me yours?"

I looked around, butterflies dancing in my stomach. "Won't people be looking for you soon?"

She pursed her lips, "My friends think I'm banging some dude, and that dude isn't here. Now yes, or no?"

"Okay fine," I held my breath. This is my only chance to let everything out. My last strand of hope falls on to the lap of this moment.

She coughed after an inhale of the cigarette, "Okay, one time I tried something with a girl, that no one, but her, knows about. I kissed her, and she kissed me. Neither of us planned for it to happen, but we were so far gone, that we don't even know exactly what happened when we woke up the next morning. But I think you get the idea."

"You slept with a girl."

"Possibly."

"Possibly," I repeated that word. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe everything will work out the way I want it to for once in my life. Maybe I'll finally be able to take control. That's all I want. I want her. I want Amber.

"So?" She said pulling me out of my trance. She distinguished her cigarette and threw it into the grass, smoke slowly fading from it.

I did the same, and turned around. I took a deep breath, "Have you ever felt like you didn't belong somewhere, or anywhere for that matter? Or wanted something so bad, that you go through constant pain and you don't care, because you hope one day the pain will all pay off? I want a perfect body. And soul, because according to everyone out there, what I am isn't perfect. Instead, I'm a sin. I want a pure soul, one filled with the love of another. Of the one person that I've wanted so bad for so many years."

I kept my eyes closed, waiting for her response. When it didn't come, I turned around to her confused face. I took this moment as my all or nothing chance. I walked towards her and kissed her. Touched the lips that I've been craving for such a long time.

She quickly pulled away, "What the fuck? You're a lesbian?"

"Yes, and I've been watching you for years. You're so fucking special, and I know that you would never go for me. I just want you to notice when I'm not around. I want to feel special like you do, and like you are to me."

She backed away from me, "You're a fucking creep."

My heart sunk to my feet, my knees felt weak, and all the butterflies in my stomach died and decayed, making me sick. My tears were threatening to fall down my face, and all I could utter out was, "Please don't tell anyone."

She laughed, "Are you a weirdo? Of course I'm telling everyone. This was the single most fucked up moment of my life."

The tears spilled over. I gave my heart, and she laughed about it. This isn't a joke to me, this is my life, my feelings. Something that I don't have very often.

I watched her run into the house, out of my life. Run to tell the others all about me. Run to reveal the secret that only she, for a split moment knew about. Run to tell everyone that I'm a creep.

Whatever makes her happy, whatever she wants. She'll bask in all of the glory of this secret. Because she's so fucking special. I wish I was special.

I jumped off the porch and ran to the road. What the hell am I doing here? What the hell am I doing anywhere? I started running down the road, not caring where I am going. No matter where I go, I'll never be welcome anymore. I don't belong here. On this planet, with people like her. I'm nothing. I'm nothing but a creep and a weirdo.

Lyrics:

When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

And I wish I was special

You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts

I want to have control

I want a perfect body

I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice

When I'm not around

You're so fuckin' special

I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

She's running out again,

She's running out

She's run run run run

Whatever makes you happy

Whatever you want

You're so fuckin' special

I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

I don't belong here.