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The 3 Little Pigs (Retelling) 1.

by Dest


The three little pigs loved their family, but ever since they had begun growing older, family had become something of an annoyance. Little Pig was the oldest and had ran away from home immediately after 18. In his haste to leave, he had bought the cheapest apartment he could, one made with straw and hay. Littler Pig was the loneliest and always paranoid, so his house was fortified with brick. He spent all his time wrapped in a blanket, fearing an evil that would knock upon his door. Littlest Pig was the absolute youngest but a bright mind. He was an engineer and a farmer who had built his house out of wood. Smooth, sawed wood. Papa pig and Mama pig would’ve been proud though sad to see their three children estranged.

There are some who prey on those alone, and others who are cutthroat businessmen. Mr. Wolfe was delightfully-both. He enjoyed conning poor, dump pork out of money. Wolfe left the construction business to do real estate, and he lived in a city of up-and-coming piggies. All the better to scam.

With his briefcase in hand and a slick pompadour hairdo, Wolfe set out to do cold-calls. He knocked only once on the first pig’s door. His knock sounded thunderous even to his own ear.

A startled pig slid the door open only by a slither.

“Wh-who’s there?” A green eyeball peeked out.

“Ya lucky day, kiddie. I’m both a home inspector and real estate extraordinaire. Allow me to, uh, examine ya home my dearest…” Wolfe bowed exaggeratedly in front of him, his gray ears almost touching the ground.

The pig, with a quizzical look, opened the door half way. His flesh was pink and smooth. Big round eyes and an almost pronounced snout. He certainly wasn’t an elder but neither a child; rather, a millennial-pig.

“I’m Timothy Little Pig,” the pig spoke up. A burst of confidence entered his voice.

Wolfe didn’t like too confident pork. He liked seeing their dismay when he stole from them.

Wolfe touched the straw structure of Little Pig’s home.

“Whaddya say, Little Pig? Ya got nothing to lose.” Wolfe sauntered around Little Pig’s front door. Chumps Clients’ eyes always followed his freshly-pressed suits and shiny gator boots. Wolfe wasn’t dumb; he knew he had a certain allure about him. His allure had been many of common pork’s downfall.

One snort. Two snort. Nose twitch. Little Pig shook his head.

With the door fully-opened now, Little Pig told him, “No way! My apartment isn't spectacular, but it’s good enough for me.” Little Pig turned to closed his door. Papa and Mama pig had told him enough times no good would come from doing business with a shady wolf. Did he even have a business card?

Wolfe’s shiny boot obstructed the door from closing. He had no way of knowing if it were his red eyes or his sharp teeth that was affecting his deal too early. Wolves, no, Wolfe didn’t take no for an answer. Meeting apprehension with aggression felt like second nature.

He leered down at Little Pig, their differences in height, highlighting the intimidation.

“Now, wait just a minute, Pig. Whhadya say if I’s don’t give ya a choice?”

Little Pig trembled. Midday and a wolf had knocked on HIS door! Where were his neighbors? Who had even let a wolf into an apartment complex in the first place?

Even scarier, Little Pig wished his family were there.

-

Trying out third person omniscient. It’s a bit awkward


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5 Reviews


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Mon Apr 12, 2021 11:52 am
PaigeFantasy says...



hi, this is amazing and extremely creative! I love your idea of recreating the fairytale.
I hope you continue writing like this. :)




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Sun Apr 04, 2021 3:59 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This seems like a pretty good idea here. I've enjoyed reading this take on it and it really seems like its going to be quite a bit of fun. Well lemme go through this a little bit more in detail down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The three little pigs loved their family, but ever since they had begun growing older, family had become something of an annoyance. Little Pig was the oldest and had ran away from home immediately after 18. In his haste to leave, he had bought the cheapest apartment he could, one made with straw and hay. Littler Pig was the loneliest and always paranoid, so his house was fortified with brick. He spent all his time wrapped in a blanket, fearing an evil that would knock upon his door. Littlest Pig was the absolute youngest but a bright mind. He was an engineer and a farmer who had built his house out of wood. Smooth, sawed wood. Papa pig and Mama pig would’ve been proud though sad to see their three children estranged.


That's a pretty good opening for this style of story. It covers the basics and gets your attention by adding those little details that show that this is obviously different from the original fairytale.

There are some who prey on those alone, and others who are cutthroat businessmen. Mr. Wolfe was delightfully-both. He enjoyed conning poor, dump pork out of money. Wolfe left the construction business to do real estate, and he lived in a city of up-and-coming piggies. All the better to scam.

With his briefcase in hand and a slick pompadour hairdo, Wolfe set out to do cold-calls. He knocked only once on the first pig’s door. His knock sounded thunderous even to his own ear.


I love the way that this whole thing's been written there to adapt it to something that makes sense in a modern setting but it still covers the original words use. That makes it quite hilarious too. This is starting off really well.

A startled pig slid the door open only by a slither.

“Wh-who’s there?” A green eyeball peeked out.

“Ya lucky day, kiddie. I’m both a home inspector and real estate extraordinaire. Allow me to, uh, examine ya home my dearest…” Wolfe bowed exaggeratedly in front of him, his gray ears almost touching the ground.


Okayy...here we go...we're coming to the "action" of the story. This is going really well so far.

The pig, with a quizzical look, opened the door half way. His flesh was pink and smooth. Big round eyes and an almost pronounced snout. He certainly wasn’t an elder but neither a child; rather, a millennial-pig.

“I’m Timothy Little Pig,” the pig spoke up. A burst of confidence entered his voice.


That's fun little description there.

Wolfe didn’t like too confident pork. He liked seeing their dismay when he stole from them.

Wolfe touched the straw structure of Little Pig’s home.

“Whaddya say, Little Pig? Ya got nothing to lose.” Wolfe sauntered around Little Pig’s front door. Chumps Clients’ eyes always followed his freshly-pressed suits and shiny gator boots. Wolfe wasn’t dumb; he knew he had a certain allure about him. His allure had been many of common pork’s downfall.


Hmm...well that's a fun way to really bring across this wolf's personality, definitely gets across what sort of character we've got here.

One snort. Two snort. Nose twitch. Little Pig shook his head.

With the door fully-opened now, Little Pig told him, “No way! My apartment isn't spectacular, but it’s good enough for me.” Little Pig turned to closed his door. Papa and Mama pig had told him enough times no good would come from doing business with a shady wolf. Did he even have a business card?


Okay....realistic enough there with the reaction, this is getting more interesting by the minute here.

Wolfe’s shiny boot obstructed the door from closing. He had no way of knowing if it were his red eyes or his sharp teeth that was affecting his deal too early. Wolves, no, Wolfe didn’t take no for an answer. Meeting apprehension with aggression felt like second nature.

He leered down at Little Pig, their differences in height, highlighting the intimidation.


Here we go...intimidation points being racked up here.

“Now, wait just a minute, Pig. Whhadya say if I’s don’t give ya a choice?”

Little Pig trembled. Midday and a wolf had knocked on HIS door! Where were his neighbors? Who had even let a wolf into an apartment complex in the first place?

Even scarier, Little Pig wished his family were there.


Oooooh...cliffhanger...well that's always a fun way to end a story...and I think this really fits in quite well as an ending here....good job with the ending there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think this was quite fun to read. I really enjoyed it. Its got everything you want from a simple story like this. Aaand that's all I've gotta say for now.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Dest says...


Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!



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Sun Apr 04, 2021 2:33 am
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TheClosetWriter wrote a review...



This cute retelling of a classic fairy tale really brightened my day. It is clear a lot of creative thought and imaginative thinking has gone into the piece. I love the character development around traditional characters and the real-world spin applied to their lives. Additionally, playful dialogue and family anecdotes give the story a really unique appeal. As for third person omniscient, it didn't sound awkward to me at all. At the same time, there is a lot more to take advantage of when you write from this perspective. It allows you to describe the experiences of each individual character but beyond that, you don't have to worry as much about keeping a consistent voice. You can use more poetic language and varied grammatical structures without it sounding strange so I might consider that into the future. The author of this piece truly has a gift for fiction and I can't wait to see what happens to the Pig family next!




Dest says...


Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm probably going to edit/add some more things in my next revision.





Of course! So excited to see what you come up with! :)



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Sat Apr 03, 2021 2:53 pm
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MapleWay wrote a review...



Hey there! MapleWay here dropping by with a quick review!

This was amazing! I really liked the funny twist you put on it! This really brought me back to my early childhood! I used to watch the three little pigs all the time! And now it is like I get t watch it for the first time with a different twist! Anyways definitely keep developing this! It brought a big smile to my face! :D Also could you tag me when you post the next part?

- MapleWay




Dest says...


Thank you! <3 I'm glad someone else likes the modern three little pigs besides me. If I decide to work on this further, I%u2019ll definitely tag you.



MapleWay says...


Thanks! :D




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