z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Dreaded Dinner Party Chapter 15

by Dest


Chapter 15

“Ah, how are you, Curi-dear?” A ridiculously smug grin appeared on his face. “Cat got your tongue and several other useful organs?

“Um, I... I am fine.” Curi stammered. She was almost in awe, seeing him stand in front of her. The young man’s height made the magenta playroom seem that much smaller. His black button-up shirt and somewhat ironed black jeans made the hairy man seem almost dressed-up though his trademark hoodie was around his waist. Wolfeman had explicitly told her that he wouldn't help her put a stop to the Digis yet here he was in the belly of the beast, the Digis’ party.

He dropped the smug look and closed his eyes briefly. “Good.”

“Yo Wolfeman!” The brunette boys greeted, their smiles stretched wide with admiration.

He gave a quick nod of his head in acknowledgment.

Curi jumped off the couch. Why was he here? It couldn’t have been for her, right? She wasn’t in the mood to be let down again, but a spark of hope brimmed in her gut.

“Mister Wolfeman, what are you doing here?” She asked him.

He scratched his upper lip before stuffing his hand into his pants pocket. “Ah, I guess you could say that I am here on behalf of my old man who decided not to come.”

“Oh...” Curi sighed, her expression saddening. Maybe she deserved that disappointment for getting her hopes up. Wolfeman only cared about himself.

His face contorted into a weird expression which worried her.

“Are you okay?” She squeaked.

“I am mimicking that stooopid expression on your face,” Wolfeman said slowly, drawing out every syllable. “Of course, I am excellent as always,” he finished pompously.

Her face was just fine. “What are you talking about?” Curi said, immediately getting indignant. He was making fun of how young she looked again, wasn’t he?

“I can clearly see your woe-is-me look.” He placed a hand on her shoulder, messing up her collar in the process. “I have had a change of heart.”

The faint sound of chatter downstairs was the only thing that accompanied Curi’s moment of silence. It took a few seconds for what Wolfeman said to register, but when it did her entire face lit up, her brown eyes sparkling and a joyful mood set in.

“Really? I thought you said I was on my own?” He had turned a whole 180 on her within a matter of days. It was times like this when he was willing to help for nothing in return that made Curi admire him.

Wolfeman gave a cough before he patted her head. “Come on kid, you looked like you were about to cry back at the office. I'm not heartless. Besides, I specifically said ‘I can't and won't solve your problems’ I never said I wouldn't make problems though.”

“Make problems,” Curi repeated, trying to understand. She looked at him for an explanation, but she couldn’t find any sort of visual answer in his devious expression. She even glanced at the pair of brunette boys who looked just as confused as she.

“I am well-acquainted with messing things up. I could have a masters' degree in mischief,” Wolfeman praised himself.

Curi agreed with him wordlessly.

He clamped a hand on her shoulder. “Morris and Sierra Digi are two stubborn, old geezers, and this city is one little ignorant town. You're not going to get that stubborn man to recant anything, but I can get him busy enough to stop his slander.”

“—By making trouble,” Curi finished, having figured out his plan.

“Well, look at you, Curi-dear, you are a smart one.” She almost returned his smile, but something inside her made her feel a bit queasy. It wasn’t Wolfeman, of course, she thought he was handsome, but she felt a sense of foreboding.

-------

“Can we help?” The brunette boys said simultaneously as they were intently listening to the conversation.

“Snotty little kids who can't even tie their shoes should stay out of business that doesn't concern them.” Wolfeman said condescendingly. He often said children had loose lips, and that was something he didn’t like dealing with.

“At one point, you were like that too.” The curly-haired brunette boy countered. The other brunette boy with a high-top agreed with him.

Wolfeman shook his head. “Yes, but not anymore—I had to keep my nose clean and learn how to tie a bow.”

“What's that have to do with anything?” The curly-haired boy cried. Curi didn’t know either what Wolfeman’s point was, and she just credited it to Wolfeman’s unusual way of speaking.

Wolfeman rolled his eyes and swaggered to the playroom’s door. “Nothing. Now, I have got some adult business to conduct, dear youngsters.”

One of the boys pointed toward Curi. “But she doesn't look any older than us!” the high-topped one said. “Why can she help?”

Curi snapped, “Excuse you! I am still here.” The boy mumbled a sorry and slunk back to his spot on the floor.

“Ignoring those rug-rats, what I was saying—” Wolfeman began, opening the door.

The two boys frowned and the one standing said, “You should let us help! We heard everything you were saying anyway!”

“Oh, please do tell me what you two plan to do?” Wolfeman mocked.

“I will tell my dad then he will tell Mr. Digi!” Both boys said in perfect tattle-tale unison. Hmm… I wonder if the brunette boys are the sons of those businessmen who were crowding around Mr. Digi, Curi thought.

The brunette boys’ blackmailing was wasting time for whatever shenanigans Wolfeman planned to do. Curi pulled Wolfeman down to her head and whispered into his ear, “Hey, just let them help. Give them something to do.”

He rolled his eyes, not verbally telling her whether he agreed or not.

With his back to the boys and one hand gripping the doorknob tightly, he sighed. “Boys, you can keep watch. Tell me anything goes wrong.”

Curi noticed Wolfeman hadn’t given them any instructions or information, but the brunette boys seemed giddy to help the man.

“YEAH!” The boys fist-bumped, already splitting up to two watch-posts, one downstairs and the other station at the playroom’s window.

Curi could only shake her head, half-smiling.

-----------

This was really short, and I hoped it didn't veer too much into "talking heads" territory. Anyway, the next chapter is the last one. I am happy that I finally finished an entire story.


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1081 Reviews


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Sun Jun 25, 2017 7:58 pm
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Virgil wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review on Review Day!

Wolfeman? That name is great for someone. Secondly, I wanted to ask where it came from since I admit I haven't read the other chapters. Explaining that in response would be nice though. Is that a combination of the character's last name and the word 'man', or is it something else? I'm asking because if it were just a nickname for some other more simplistic reason it would probably be spelled Wolfman? Unless you just wanted to get creative with it. That's cool too. I wanted to go ahead and touch on the Author's Note that you left at the end and comment on it.

No, I don't think you veered too far into the talking heads territory and instead I think you're doing better than I've seen you do before with making your characters do something while they're talking. That's a skill you seem to be developing for the better, though just remember even that needs to be used in moderation. Overusing it can make for it to become a little too detailed in that department.

Something I did want to touch on about that though is that it's not only their actions that makes up getting rid of talking heads. It's describing the environment around them as well. Describing the setting, to be more specific. You can do this with sensory details, which are exactly as they sound: details of the senses.

I want more elements implemented than just the dialogue though, because that's the main factor driving this chapter forward. I want to see the plot shine through and the characters be able to communicate in other ways than verbally or vocally. The plot moves forward and keeps me interested throughout for the most part, but that's because the characters are interesting too.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

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Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:55 am
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Ooh I made it in time to get this one out the green room! (or help, at least)

Nit-picks:

“Ah, how are you, Curi-dear?” A ridiculously smug grin appeared on his face. “Cat got your tongue and several other useful organs?

Forgot speech marks at the end of this and also this line was at the end of the last chapter. That's ok for the yws format of installments but would be pretty weird in a book.

made Curi admire him.

That seems a tad strong at the current moment. You probably want to add something like, "...admire him, but she still couldn't figure out what his angle was."

she thought he was handsome

This doesn't seem particularly relevant. Hints about her having a crush earlier would have helped (like I said [a number that I am unsure of] reviews ago).

“Can we help?” The brunette boys said simultaneously as they were intently listening to the conversation.

This seems to be immediately after the last line, which makes me wonder why there's ---------.

He often said children had Loose Lips, and that was something he didn’t like dealing with.

Curi wouldn't know this.

At one point, you were like that too.

Wayyyy too complex language for a little kid.

But she doesn't look any older than us!” the high-topped one said. “Why can she help?”

Ohhh ok I thought they were like eight.

Tell me if anything goes wrong.


Overall:

Character: Wolfemann seems back to relatable here. I like it :) I think Curi would be more likely to defend the kids though. He's using langauge like Digi used to demean her for her age, so since she's probably got some residual anger towards him, it would make sense that when she suggests to let them help she either tells him not to judge people by their age, or we hear that these are her thoughts.

Setting: A way to combat the talking heads effect in your authors' note would be to describe more description of the room they're in and how the characters are interacting with it. (It wasn't too bad though, especially since Wolfemann has a very distinctive way of speaking).

Plot: I'm really interested to see where this goes. It feels like the hero has finally come through to try and atone. There's good and there's bad in Wolfemann, and I can sympathise with how both got to be parts of him. I'm really looking forward to seeing him going up against the baddies, even if it is reluctantly. I still think he should be more pissed at them for kicking him out for no reason though.

Flow: I think this chapter length is fine. Also you keep varying the spelling of Wolfemann/Wolfeman.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)

p.s. I forget if it costs more to post on review day but if it's not can you just post the last chapter today so I can review it? If not tag/PM me when you do post it.





Writing is my soul made tangible on paper.
— bluewaterlily