Young Writers Society

Use a metaphor or simile here. Beautiful suffering looks like? Is like? You know, in a way is the best. Then you fill out the details.

Coming back and smiling playing along to there game of pretend

I don't understand but I love it. You may love this style of writing. Think more about this line.

Suffering in silence

Suffering alone

Beautiful Suffering

These lines work well because they move along a logical pattern but beautiful suffering should be an example.

Great poem after reading it.
Lots of thoughts.

Hello there!

It would be a lie if I were to say that the title wasn't the main thing that drew me into wanting to review for you. It brings forth a lot of possibility for what could happen for someone who is contemplating reading or doesn't have the time to, which is a good thing because it sparks interest and makes people ask questions; what will this be about? how do these two things fit together when they contrast in meaning so much? etc etc.

Suffering is typically used to refer to pain and the perception of it. It's seen as a unpleasant thing that most people wouldn't wish on their worst enemies, and there are so many ways to describe the feeling. That doesn't really seem beautiful to me, and many people who have suffered and have seen other people suffer might agree. It is interesting to me though, and I'd like to see how the execution pans out in the actual poem.

Speaking of that, let's get into the review now~

The first thing that catches my eye is the amount of word mix ups and probably some general confusion. I usually don't point out things like this because that's not what I personally look for in a review for something I write, but I've seen this occur many times throughout one poem enough for it to stir some thoughts.

Let's look at there, their, and they're. Even though they might sound the same, all of those have different meanings and confusing them makes it difficult to understand your writing. There is used like here referring to a place, or it can be used like a pronoun to introduce an idea. Their is used to show third-person plural possessiveness, like something belongs to someone or a group of people. They're is a contraction of "they are" or "they were," so you can use it like you are using any of those phrases.

In the spoiler will be corrections of those kinds of errors:

With that out of the way, the actual content is nice. It tells a story about a romance I believe, but it doesn't really work out for some reason. There's hints at a misunderstanding, or just the fact maybe they're both too young or too different to work out. I'm a sucker for flawed love stories or failed romance, so I think I like it.

I do believe some lines stray on too much, and some of them are just too wordy compared to the previous ones. I'm mainly looking at the line of

As if there not proof enough that I have been suffering far far far to long

The "far far far" part doesn't really work with me. It adds too much childishness in my opinion, when this is a pretty serious topic. If you want to show some kind of urgency or just express how far it was, use another word with a meaning that follows that. Far in general is a weak word anyway, so the emotions coming out aren't that strong compared to how some words cause very apparent reactions when others don't.

I also spy a too, two, to issue here, but I recommend searching around for papers on the subject from a solid source educated on language and grammar. Grammarly writes a lot about these kinds of mix ups, and you don't even have to pay to see them! This is another thing that happens enough for me to notice, but you catch me haha.

That's all! Good work!

- chi