Hey this is my new story idea
Critque it but also tell me if you like the storyline
i'd appprechate it
Thanks XD
[pre]Symosis
Prologue
Energy…..everything in the world is made up of energy. Mass….everything in the world is made of mass. This world is no different.
A way to create energy has been created, a way to destroy it. Energy being processed into mass to create objects, this is what we call Symosis.
In 2011 a weapon was created that would change the world forever. Doctor Mark Sezzler invented a machine called the Symositor. This machine helped create products without using plastics and papers. This helped solved natural resource problems.
In 2014 Mark Sezzler invented another invention. It was called Symos Gloves. These gloves allowed the once previous Symositor to be portable. This caused many problems to arise in the U.S. Criminals used the Symos Gloves to rob banks and steal. War broke out when terrorist smuggled Symos Gloves into India. There they were shipped all across the world causing chaos.
It’s the year 2017, the war hasn’t stopped and no end is in sight. In America a young boy named Alka was in his village of Anwar. This village was separate from the war. The village leader made sure no one left the village to avoid the conflicts.
Today is the day where this village finally comes into the real world.
Will Alka be ready?[/pre]
End of chapter
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139,268 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay that breaks one of the more fundamental laws you tend to run into in physics, but we do absolutely break those in stories, so I am already quite excited to see where this is going even though this isn't even fully a premise at this point. I think you do a pretty solid job of selling this too, cause we do have a bit of a newspaper headline like vibe here right at the start.
Aaaand well this I do have to say is just a little too predictable almost but that is only because this is very much realistic to how an invention like this would end up being abused by people for their own gains here, and well, the sheer chaos of everything breaking out definitely gets our attention here in terms of where this exactly whole little sort of history lesson ish scenario is going to end up taking us.
Ohh okay that is quite the premise there. I have to say I did not see that one coming, its not the most original of premises but that twist there given the sort of background that you've established by this point is quite surprising and pretty effective in terms of catching your attention. I would say this transition is a tiny bit too sudden, but otherwise this is a pretty solid prologue right here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Alrighty, I told you I had your critique sitting here. To prove it, I'm gonna type it up.
That's probably a reason why people are shying away from your post. It kills people's eyes. 
Ugh, ugly font.
Heard of parallel structure? I love parallel structure, if there's three sentences in the set, not two. In other words, your first two sentences here are basically the same thing, only the nouns are switched (i.e. Energy to Mass). I like three sentences, that way it's obvious to the reader of your wonderful hook, rather than irritating repetition to annoy them.
Also, you have an odd number of dots (...) in your sentences. Three is the preferred number...like so. ^^
Energy being processed into mass to create objects—this is what we call Symosis. The dash instead of your comma.
I can't make sense of this sentence.
Repetition of village gone wild.
I don't know what to make of your prologue, really. To be blunt, it's more of a school essay. It may be better to just tie in this information with the story itself. Otherwise, it sounds like a summary on the back of a book...kinda, lol.
It's very interesting, don't get me wrong. I do like what you have here, it's a matter of showing the reader what you want. I'm reading about all these super cool inventions that caused war/chaos in the world, and then in the end you mention an American boy. I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think that's a good way to introduce him. In fact, I wouldn't include him in the prologue if this is how we'll be introducing him (and if this will remain the prologue).
I'll have to read the next chapter to be sure if my idea of the prologue is really true.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Way to go dude, I like the idea it's very catchy. It flowed together nicely and the paragraphs look alright. So far I didn't see any misspelled words or gramer errors. I know it was only an introduction but you might want to consider telling a little bit more about the character. Maybe expand it? I don't know just a thought. Well, good luck with it, can't wait until it's posted. Happy writing.
your friend
-Max