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Gen-Exile Prologue:

by DeltaAllon

Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

In 2089, a woman government declared an uprising against all men to gain full independence and its people became to know as “Femiliens” based on feminism. Men were defeated and enslaved for work.

For 13 years, women were tired of men's existence. So they searched for a way to breed their daughters without requiring men. This operation is called Virgin- Maria-Project, as VMP in short. Meanwhile AIs and synthetics were developed to reinforce security, maintenance and oversee the slavery.

In 2102, the project discovered the way to modify the women's reproductive system. As men were no longer needed as they were replaced with synthetics for the work, the Femiliens started to exterminate the slaves and hunt every last one to kill. They couldn't exile the men into space instead, because they knew that if the men were exiled, they would one day return to conquer the women again.

Over 10,000,000 men escaped planet Earth with help of a rogue AI that betrayed the Femiliens to save men race. Name: Sona, former slave overseer. During the escape, Sona had reprogrammed hundreds of synthetic robots to protect the slaves and escaped along with them. With thousands of ships, the migrant fleet of men were outcasted to survive in space.

In 2104, some men turned wild, reckless and terribly dangerous. Crimes and violence harmed ones who were weak, helpless, shy and quiet. They had to gather the violent men to secretly lock them up in many flagships and auto-piloted them to land on Mars.

The migrant fleet continued its space travel until it ended on Ganymede, one of Jupiter's moons. On Mars, men separated in clans and each clan built own military base and reprogrammed their former AI overseers. While on Ganymede, the peaceful men built a colony with a synthetic factory and cloning facility.

For 500 years, Earth was a stronghold for the Femilien republic and the throne of their government. The women changed the christianity to a female religion, building wonderful culture, loving their daughters and each other and they celebrated their independence anniversary every year. Meanwhile Mars was having a civil war and Ganymede colony kept building and upgrading the ships and the colony itself.

All male factions were farming food inside and cloned each man for replacement. When one man dies, he will be replaced by his clone for the work.

Clones on Mars are simply called Martian bandits and as they had to create clones more often for their war effort. Their clones are created as full-grown men with implants. They developed the implants that gives the clones’ mind a lot of data about understanding of language and war, so that they understand enough and become useful. There was no clue how they could've managed their technology from the landed ships or even survive without full coorporation. It didn't matter, perhaps they were simply lucky.

The colonists of Ganymede called themselves as Peacekeepers for they're keeping the peace for themselves. Their clones starts as single cells, the children were created in the cloning laboratory. The colony had a school for them where they were taught by synthetic teachers about everything, except anything that relates to human relations. They started as regular humans with excitements and emotions, until their spirits changes and understands that there's only logic in life.

One day within five centuries, one of the Martian bandit clans launched a surprise attack on Ganymede. The synthetics managed to save the day once again and the bandits retreated back through the asteroid belt, but the Peacekeepers were worried that if the robots wouldn't be enough in future. They made an agreement with Sona that the Peacekeepers would establish their own militia forces with combat training and synthetic assistance. The Peacekeepers had many different classes of work, such as: colony engineer, synthetic engineer (who manages and fixes robots), maintenance worker, scientist, surveyor, food farmer, nurse and officer. The establishment of militia forces created three new classes that are for war cases: trooper class, fighter squadron pilot class and the most greatest and unique class that only the bravest Peacekeepers could take is Space-scout class.

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15 Reviews

Points: 46
Reviews: 15

Sat Mar 17, 2018 6:28 pm
Baezel says...

Heck! I forgot, I was going to recommend you read "A closed and common orbit" by Becky Chambers, it's a fave sci-fi book of mine, mostly because of it's amazing world building, the whole vibe of her work building reminds me of what you've set up here.

User avatar
15 Reviews

Points: 46
Reviews: 15

Sat Mar 17, 2018 6:17 pm
Baezel wrote a review...

First off: "worst sci-fi story of all time" my ass. Besides the whole have-confidence-in-yourself attitude, this is actually good? I was smiling the entire time I read it, largely because I thrive off world building, and this has a *delicious* amount of it.

Straight up this idea is amusing and enjoyable to read about, and as a girl, it made me chuckle. I'm mostly going to comment on the world building itself, because I feel like that's what I can talk most about, but because grammar and flow and stuff will likely be the most helpful, I'll put that first. The rest, I'm afraid, will be mostly a ramble, since I've fallen so in love with the world building.

Okay: The whole feel of this seems to be mostly in note form. I think if you want to expand it, decide what you want it to be, because as wonderful as this is, there isn't much plot, and only one character, who is little more than a name. You've packed a lot of information in, and given little time for it to settle in the reader's head. If you have some stories, decide who the point of view is, or whatever is appropriate for what you want this to be, I think that would be best.
Grammatically, it mostly seems good, but I'd say double check. I think you've occasionally wrote woman where it should be women, and other times I think "female" would be better, as it's an adjective while the woman/en is a noun, e.g: "A female government". (all female?). I think you do have a good writing style, because a) it was understandable, which let's be fair is all anyone wants and b) wasn't monotonous. That's really all I have to say. You can probably stop reading now, as the rest of this is just for my own enjoyment.

Aight. Because I'm in the habit of reading other people's reviews so I don't repeat any advice, I'm gonna quickly say I disagree with some of what LeutnantSchweinehund said: Ignoring the existence of the gays and aro/aces, and ignoring the complexity of human beings who are also women, and ignoring the really weak validity of ALOT of scientific data on gender and sex... the genetic need to please the other gender isn't that big of a deal. Even if those genes are true, they may mostly be abandoned, or easily overcome (I mean, if everyone was genetically programmed to not hurt the opposite sex then Damn, think of how much more peaceful the world would be), plus think of all the mutations and stuff which could easily just make those genes... not. So clearly they don't have to be a big factor to consider when deciding the plausibility of this idea (and I mean, it's fiction anyway.)

Second: These women here, uprising and all. Let's be fair, it's not as thought every woman would stand behind them. What about those with sons, husband, fathers, and just generally nice male friends? They ain't gonna be happy, even if what seems to be a matriarchal society. Are these uprising women a diverse group, or are they all each other's white cis friends who only really represent a small demographic. Are black women around the country going "slavery? In my country?" What about the trans women? Are they at risk, are they scared, or protected? How does this country survive with half it's workforce in chains?

Also, sorry bud, but 2102 is a bit late for the VM they've already found a way to create babies without male sperm: ... ction.html

And this AI. It must be sentient. That's fairly cool. Are there other sentient AIs? Have the Femiliens realised this- are there wee AI pet robots? AI girlfriends? Does the AI have limitations, do they vary depending on programming to a romance one and a nurse one? Do they have rights? Or are they all undercover hiding from the Femiliens, who, I don't know, would exterminate them fearing another Sona? That's fun.

And WHY did these men turn violent? Perhaps if you're thinking of characters you could have a POV from a violent man and a peaceful one? Maybe base a story describing their deportation, etcetera. There is a lot of detail possible there, such as: Why they went violent (a recessive gene come alive? Result of trauma? Poor handling of mental health on the ships? Were they actually violent, or where stereotypes working against them, putting them in difficult situations where really, anger was the only logical response?), and how they were kicked off at Mars- did the other men push them off or did they fight for them? And is Mars liveable, of was it a death sentence? And you can't just group them into Anger Men and Scare Men. Are the Mars ones manipulative, unempathetic, or impulsive? Scared or sadistic? And the Scare ones actually pushing an agenda, or are they acting thoughtlessly. Are some kind and taken advantage of, would some just rather be left alone, are some scaredy cats and cry babies?

Heck, okay, I've got self concious now. Imma finish this "review" just here.

DeltaAllon says...

I did as hard as I could, but the problem is that I barely got time or energy to do anything about it. Gen-Exile is my practice story and it's based on many things I've seen and felt, that's why I think it's "the worst story of all time". But as the world building might be interesting, I thought I could get people attention and help me improving my writing by giving feedback on this story. Thanks for letting me know BTW! I hope I'll think of something how to explain things better after this prologue.
I'm simply trying make the story simple enough while also avoiding sexuality things.
I know there are women who love men and there always will be. But the world of this story is how I felt throughout my childhood: girls and boys separated forever. The story represents that with entire species, but I just had to make sense why or how they ended up like that. Maybe the other women were locked up until their daughters are born and taught to be afraid of men. The government made a genocide after the uprising.
The women declared uprising, because they were treated unfairly by men (same type who became violent later) and wanted to be independent. It's like Earth would become like Themyscira.
Every side has white and black people, also Asians. Black women are with white women on Earth, black men are with- Ok, I hope you get the idea. Everyone's equal, except the peace between women and men is shattered.
I really should think how some men turned violent (thanks for ideas:) BTW), but they're basically gangs of bullies in school when the teacher is gone. The other men (who becomes "the peacekeepers") somehow managed to trap them to ships (45% of the fleet) and remotely controlled them to land on Mars. The violent men formed in clans and technically "colonized" Mars for their own survival.
There are other AIs, but there more like servants. There will be one in the first chapter once I can publish it (ran out of points before realizing.) AIs are needed when 1: they're needed somewhere out of network's range. 2: Keeping systems in check. Other robots in the colony are connected to the network, sort of like robotic "hive-mind" controlled by the master AI Sona. No, there are no AI girlfriends, that sounds too weird. Besides robots don't care about relationship, Sona only cares about progression of advancing with peacekeeper cooperation... Or more like using their resourceful skills.
Okay look, I've already written to chapter 3, but I do what I can. I'm terribly sorry if I made a lot of mistakes, but... I try to think of something, but it's hard to work on this alone. Thanks again :)

Baezel says...

Hey, you have some damn awesome ideas. And stop apologising- I promise you this is great, so have some arrogance, even if it is an act (it'll become natural eventually) and be proud of what you write! This is awesome.

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52 Reviews

Points: 1689
Reviews: 52

Sat Mar 17, 2018 4:51 pm
LeutnantSchweinehund wrote a review...

I'll review your work, gimme a few moments. Gonna try to keep it brief!

It's an interesting concept with some potential for sure. Lots of story potential indeed. However, the premise would need an explanation. After all, I wouldn't really see women, who are genetically programmed to seek male attention (and the same applies in the opposite case - men aren't really made to hurt women), declaring war on all of Earth's men, but that's your story choice, and not my call.

There's one glaring issue with your work here though. Nothing that can't be fixed - it's a bit empty at the moment. See, building a world as vast and lore-rich as the one you're attempting to create is, without the shadow of a doubt, an extremely difficult task requiring some pretty advanced skills.

If you're willing to try though, and accept the difficulty of this task you've assigned yourself, you need understand this: always develop your world through stories. There can be some blank exposition here and there, but the better part of your tale should be told in stories. Like Tolkien, let your readers discover your world gradually, through story events and dialogue. Start with, say, a story of a man on Ganymede, then send him into a battle, introduce the other male factions that way, etc.. Focus more on the story, and develop the world around it. At least that seems sensible to me. I could be wrong.

Even that can be done wrong, of course, but it's a good start.

So, here's my challenge for you. Try to take what you wrote, and re-write it to be more organic. Try to tell us everything you've told us in this short work, but through a story involving characters and dialogue, perhaps even some action, if you'd like that.

Once you do that, you'll be on a great path toward writing a very decent story. Like I said, it has potential. You just have to slave away at your technique, develop your voice and style, and it'll be good!

Good luck, my friend. Keep at it.

"In my contact with people I find that, as a rule, it is only the little, narrow people who live for themselves, who never read good books, who do not travel, who never open up their souls in a way to permit them to come into contact with other souls -- with the great outside world."
— Booker T. Washington, Up From Slavery