How do l tell you it's you
Stirring up all these emotions?
How do l say you're the one
Keeping me up at night
It's you in my nightmares
Feeding to the depth of my fears.
How do l express how l feel
When it's thoughts of you revoking my peace.
I want you to be here but l can't say
I can't say what you want to hear
All l say is far from honesty
Guess this is the time
l play a fool for you.
You can be here with enthusiasm
To cheer me up when I'm awake
Then tear me down when l close my eyes
Rather be me than the both of us
At least l know you'll be there
While l mourn conflicting emotions
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139,045 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Hey, coming here to review this amazing poem! Welcome to YWS!
My first impression of this poem was that the way it reads sounds almost like you’re writing in a diary, or writing a letter. I don’t know if that was intentional, but it’s a cool side effect. 🙂
The very first line caught my eye, it’s such a good start to the piece. We immediately know that the narrator likes someone, and they don’t know how to tell them. But as we delve deeper into the poem, we see it interchanged with fear and dread. The juxtaposition of these topics is really interesting, and it adds another layer to the poem. I’d say I didn’t really grasp it until the second read, which is cool because it’s like peeling away another layer of the onion. Poetry like that is so appealing.
One of my favorite lines is this one:
This is not only a perfect ending to the piece because it wraps up the whole thing nicely, but it also gives us yet another insight into the narrator’s mind. Also, the figurative language here is so fascinating.
Overall, this poem is such a good one. Although it’s short, it’s still satisfying and intriguing. If this is your first post on YWS, I know you’ll be creating great things in no time!
Again, welcome, and have a good day!
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)
Hai :3
This is so good!! The tension, the back-and-forth between longing and fear feels like the narrator is trapped in their own mind, torn between wanting this person and being haunted by them. It makes it sound like they're desperately searching for a way to express themselves, but they just can’t ~~ Like, they know this person is a source of both comfort and terror, and the push-pull of needing them but also being afraid of them is so intense!! I bet lots of people feel that way and understand you.
Wow!! That admission of lying, but not out of malice, more out of self-preservation or maybe even fear of vulnerability, feels so real. It’s like they want to be honest, but the truth is too heavy or too dangerous to actually voice, so they play this role of the fool instead. It’s like the narrator would rather carry all this emotional turmoil alone because at least that way, they can count on themselves!!
Some parts feel a bit too ambiguous, though, like the narrator is circling their feelings without hitting the target!! There’s a lot of potential to have more imagery and make the emotions more vivid, but nothing comes off of the page ~~ With the lines above, I feel like you could lean more into that; what does this "playing the fool" symbolize on a deeper level, or you could push it even further. How does this person manifest in the nightmares? What do they look like? There is so much to explore!!
^^^ Like here. What does this enthusiasm present like?
This poem is so bittersweet though, like they’ve accepted that this is the way things have to be. You’ve captured the complexity of love and self-sabotage in such a subtle way!! This is absolutely layered with all the good stuff!! ^_^
- Payton
Hey Deezey, it’s Kay here! Welcome to YWS! I’m new here too and I love your writing style. I’m not very experienced since it’s my first time but I am going to try my best to review your work.
I think that the author is struggling with complex emotions which are caused by someone they love. It also feels like the author loves the person so much so that they forgot about their own feelings and boundaries.
Overall a good poem and relatable to the reader depending upon their situation. I think you have a lot of potential. All the best!
ps. ignore my previous messages, I was struggling D: