Young Writers Society

Hello DeepRoses, right off the bat I want to say I love this poem. I think it's nice how quick and brief it is and I like how you talked about how some people expect you to show more of you when they've shown almost nothing about themselves to you. You're left guessing about what that person could have beneath them and they themselves are already gung-ho about knowing who you are without opening themselves up. This brings some nostalgia up about the first year of highschool and even up to now it is very relatable. Nice poem, sorry if this review isn't that great

Boy howdy there,

This is one of those poems that I think you could make longer to add more context if you wanted to, but as far as the content goes, it stands alone as the few five lines alright. That said, if you want to make the poem really strong, I think you could play around with your word choice a little. While there are no rhymes (so you don't need to change anything for rhyme's sake), a few things I think could sound better! I think picking different words might help with the flow/cadence, which, as AnnMath pointed out, is difficult to find at first.

For example:

while your book is locked shut with greed,

and your cover is nothing but a bleak canvas

This was a very relatable poem. I feel like so many of us do this exact same thing and feel these emotions. Yet, not many people are able to put it so beautifully into words like you have. I love how you put your heart out in the open to write this so that someone who really needs it will someday read it. Great job and keep writing!

I likey
Concise, beautiful.

Only thing: I think that another line would have been good in between the 3rd and 4th line, only because I get the vibe that it jumps a bit and it's like ??? *2 seconds later* Oh yeah, got it!! Know what I mean?

Although being short and sweet is great, sometimes you need to tell a story more and fill in the gaps to make it flow better.

Nonetheless!!! Love it, the word "bleak" is really good I reckon.

- Tiana

HEELLO Deep Roses,
A poem about secrets I guess. I read the description. It's a very short poem which is good since more people will take the time to read it. It also sums up everything into one stanza. Very nice.
I like how you added the word "greed" in there. It makes it seem as if the person hides there own secrets for a bad reason. Most people do it out of privacy. But this person just wants to know more without providing any of their own knowledge.
"Bleak canvas" is nice too. It shows that the person really doesn't have anything to hide. They just want to know more so they can hurt you with it.

Greed's a pitiful thing,

Night Kaizer

Reviews, reviews

I'm not much of a poet, but I couldn't find the flow of the poem very easily. The words painted a nice picture, but reading them was more like a story than a song. Other than that, great job. It told a great story.

AnnMath

Hi, this is Regime.

This poem is very short, and I don't really review poetry, but I'll try my best to help.

I found this poem interesting, yet something tells me an idea about an open book has been done before. However, I think you've turned it into something different. I feel as though an interpretation is easy to discover, which makes it easier for [me] to read [and more likable, because I'm not much of a deep thinker]. I think this is a good poem that many people could find thought-provoking. I like the format as well, and the lines fit just right. Yet, what makes the words 'painful'? I feel like there is a better, more descriptive word that would fit. Anyways, well done.

-Regime