Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Fantasy


Belle

by Rosella



Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
624 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

Donate
Wed Nov 30, 2016 1:51 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Deeproses! Casanova here as promised to do a review!

The first thing I noticed about this poem was it's length- well the lack of it. You basically have three lines that's nothing but adjectives describing something. I'm guessing you're saying,"Belle," is a rose in light, but we're not given the comparison. Now, if you're going for the adjectives I would say add some sort of ending to this. What we have now is three lines describing something, but it doesn't really end, and that bug me. What I mean about no ending is that we have the description, but no way of actually knowing what you're comparing it to/what is the thing being described doing. I think having that answered would be a good start.
The next thing I would suggest would be make it longer. I've seen a lot of poetry that is just a few lines, and they work out great. This one, however, seems to be not finished and I would love to see it finished. I do, however, love that you keep the rose imagery flowing throughout a lot of your poetry. I did write a poem called,"Roses and Thorns," so I understand the love for flowers and comparing them to every day things, or special occasions depending on the type of flower it is.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron




Rosella says...


the length has to do with the style of the poem i put in the description, so it was on purpose.
thank you for the review



User avatar
271 Reviews


Points: 408
Reviews: 271

Donate
Sun Nov 20, 2016 3:29 am
Charm says...



Rose, this is really good! Definitely your best so far and I know you can do even better in the future *thumbs up*!




Rosella says...


Thanks Marm! I was kinda nervous... All the reviews I've gotten so far have made me feel a bit bad about this poem. But it means a lot that you like my lame work haha. <33



User avatar
27 Reviews


Points: 61
Reviews: 27

Donate
Sun Nov 20, 2016 12:33 am
spectator wrote a review...



Hey-oh!
I'm reviewing your poem!

So, nice poem! I like it!

Now, let's talk about imagery.
I enjoy the rose imagery a lot. Obviously it's relevant to the story of Belle, and that's awesome! I don't entirely understand the significance of the rose being "in the light". However, it adds a nice touch, I can easily imagine the rose glowing.

The imagery goes downhill from here. "beautiful radiance" seems redundant. In addition, though I understand that poetry this short (and poetry in general) will certainly contain abstractions, 'beauty' is an abstraction that is rather difficult to make interesting. Gleaming like the stars is okay, but rather cliche. I'd like to see you play with the glowing imagery a little bit more. Consider other things that are bright, not just the stars.

As for meaning, this poem is fairly self explanatory. However, it might be nice to elaborate on Belle. The character definitely has more substance than just beauty. By simply addressing the beauty, you lose a lot of the character, the story, and the meaning.

Now, onto format! I happen to like short poetry. I'd suggest checking out Rupi Kaur, who writes amazing short poetry. However, it would be cool to write a couple more poems and make a series. Maybe about other princesses! A little more detail would go a long way.

Overall, awesome poem! Keep on writing!

~ summer




User avatar
117 Reviews


Points: 11345
Reviews: 117

Donate
Sat Nov 19, 2016 8:21 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, DeepRoses!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

I rarely review formatted poetry, as I'm not the best at it. However, I shall try my best (this may be a short review for such a short poem).

I can't really blame you for this next critique, and I can't say that you should add on to the poem since that would be breaking the poem, but I feel as if the poem is incomplete, or empty-ish. I see that you're comparing Belle to a rose in the light, and then you go on to describing her, but you don't tell us more. What about Belle? What about her being "a rose in the light". Usually when you start off with a beginning like this, an action follows. "Gleaming" is an action, but it doesn't play very nicely with the previous line, and sounds forced/choppy. You could always change "gleaming" to "gleams" but that would ruin the syllable count. Maybe something like, "gleams among the stars" would work? But that still wouldn't make much sense. However, you could always do 19 syllables instead of 17 in a Katauta, which could allow you to be a little bit more loose.

Trying out new things is always fun, but I usually refrain from formatted poetry due to these kinds of restrictions. It's very hard to not break the rules to them, meanwhile there are no rules to free verse. I did have to look up things about the Katauta, and it seems to be a haiku minus the nature part and directed towards a lover/admirer.

The poem is very short and sweet, which is nice. Just a little bit forced, which is my main issue. But again, formatted poetry isn't really my forte.

I hope my review helped you out, and have a great day! ^-^




User avatar
63 Reviews


Points: 98
Reviews: 63

Donate
Sat Nov 19, 2016 8:03 pm
amelie wrote a review...



I left a comment earlier, but now I'd like to leave a review.
The first thing I notice about this is obviously the length. And I would honestly love to see more elaboration. Just a tiny bit.
What I get from this is typical. Comparing someone or something to shining stars and roses. Because admittedly, it's pleasant to think about such. But it seems a bit plain.
Aside from that, the wording itself is on point. I just wanted to touch on that for a moment.
Awesome poem nonetheless :)

-Amelie




Rosella says...


In the description in the poem, I wrote it's a Katauta. A Katauta is structured this short and sweet. But thank you :)



User avatar
63 Reviews


Points: 98
Reviews: 63

Donate
Sat Nov 19, 2016 7:49 pm
amelie says...



I really like this; short and sweet. :)





Hail Hydra
— Stan Lee