Beyond the Hope - Chapter 1

by DeathDreams

Published April 13, 2016

E - Everyone

In Beyond the Hope

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Beyond the Hope

***

By DeathDreams

***

Chapter 1

It was another bright Summer’s day in the Gallian settlement of Algeria. The hot afternoon sun beat down on Lily Hope as she stood atop the apartment complex, leaning over the metal railing that wrapped around the flat, gravely roof. She gazed at the people below and then out into the vast concrete jungle of the ever-expanding city. Towering buildings directly across from the complex halted her view and no matter how hard she tried to look up and see the sky, the sun’s white light would always be there to force her gaze back down. The entire city was gray.

She didn’t choose this spot on purpose. There was nothing symbolic or meaningful about it, but it was high enough that if she jumped, the fall would kill her. This is it. On July 21st, 2108: Lily Hope would jump to her death. There was no turning back now, rather, she couldn’t turn back. The hidden cameras and microphones had probably seen her and if that was true, they would have also been able to sense her intent. Series Finder, they called it – a system that could monitor all those who resided within the empire's extensive borders and predict how likely it was for any individual to become a threat to society.

***

She thought back what she had done this morning. She woke up at seven, just like any other school day. Her mother worked early in the morning, so it was her responsibility to make sure that she was up and ready to go on time. She wasn’t particularly good at it. She had to rush to get ready in the small bathroom of the two bedroom apartment, dressing herself in her usual school uniform (a plain brown skirt and soft blue cardigan with a short sleeved white shirt underneath) as she brushed her teeth perfectly straight teeth and combed her shoulder length blonde hair.

After that was done she would smooth out any loose hairs and unseemly wrinkles on her uniform as the minutes ticked by. She was in a hurry, no doubt, but no matter what the hour she always stopped to admire her own self. In her mind she saw blemishes and imperfections on her body which did not exist through the eyes of all those but her own. She wasn’t overwhelmingly beautiful, but knowing the guys in her class, she could probably have just about anyone she wanted, though her own timid nature often impeded her from pursuing even the most basic of friendships, let alone a relationship.

At the end of her morning routine, she would gaze at the small, unsightly birthmark that marred her left cheek, before flicking off the bathroom light and grabbing her brown bookbag which laid in the dimly lit hallway as she made her way to the front door.

She hurriedly made her way through the crowded city streets out of habit. She didn’t really care if she was late or not. This was her last day after all. She recalled the almost blinding brightness of the four giant television-like displays that sat on the front of buildings, looming over thousands of traveling citizens, watching over them like the eyes of God as they displayed news provided by the Branch of Justice, the most important and influential of all Gallian's governing bodies.

“District 14 of the Chinese Republic has fallen! Another victory for the empire!,” “The A5 Special Weapons and Development Committee has reached out to twelve more of our empire’s finest minds in hopes of furthering research to combat the Djinn menace,” “The median supply of rations is expected to remain constant despite total war between Gallia and Columbia drawing near.” All of the headlines made her head spin, along with the various propaganda posters that lined the windows of various shops as well as the alleys. “Beware the Djinn: The Deceivers of the Innocent!,” many of them read in big black letters below a silhouetted image of a figure surrounded by bodies, holding what looked like a human head in his right hand as the murderers piercing red eyes penetrated the poster’s paper barrier. The grueling imagery always sent chills down her spine. She tried to avoid them if whenever she could.

Nothing was different at her school. Nobody seemed to notice the dark aura of depression that haunted Lily besides herself, so she sat in a desk at the back corner of the room like she always did and waited for school to end while all the other students ignored her like they usually did. The only thing that had been slightly different was the lecture she received from the school’s secretary – an old manic woman with shaky hands, who scolded her in a tired old voice about her constant tardiness. She even brought up that her Threat Level might rise because of her behavior – the very thing that would cut Lily’s life short

She logged onto the Series Finder website using her Gallian Identification Number. The secretary was right. As she navigated over to her personal profile, she read through her current Threat Level: 0.431. It wasn’t anywhere near the limit of 2 and nowhere near 4, but it was still significantly higher than the average of 0.115. She teared up again and hid her face from the others in her class as she watched the number bounce up and down, moving from 0.429, to 0.435, like a stock market of human consciousness.

The cameras were always watching, judging, observing, just as microphones were always listening and recording – using surveys and algorithms to predict criminal behavior through the use of one's language, body movements and even thoughts. That’s what it said on the Branch of Justice’s website at least.

Her father had passed a Threat Level of 2 when she was only ten years old and she hadn’t seen him since. The empire made it seem like he had never existed. He never killed anyone or committed a crime. He was just one of those people that the system “caught early,” as some would say.

***

She was on the other side of the railing at this point, only a few inches from death. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and readied herself to take the final step.

“Miss Hope?” The smooth, modulated voice of a man called out to her from behind.

She turned around, surprised the system had responded to her so quickly – not that she had ever seen it in action before.

“I’m not with the Arbiters, don’t worry. That’s who you’re afraid of, isn’t it?” A faint smile crossed the young man’s face as he emerged from the door she had used to get onto the roof. His long white hair shone just as brightly as the strange silvery characters that were scattered indiscriminately about his long black shawl which parted down the middle as a strong gust of wind blew across the building, revealing an all black outfit underneath that left only his deathly pale hands and forearms exposed. The shawl settled back into place, enveloping him like a blanket as the wind ceased.

“Who are you?!” Lily yelled at the young man with tears in her eyes as she gripped the railing. Couldn’t he see that she just wanted to be alone? Why would anyone besides law enforcement follow her up here in the first place? Was he just here to watch her jump? That must have been it. She had never seen this man before. Why would he care about what happened to her?

“My name’s Nadir.” He slowly began to raise his hands up into the air. He spoke casually, cooly, like someone who knew for certain that everything would be okay. “Why don’t you try stepping down from that ledge? There’s no reason to be so dramatic, really, I mean it.” He flashed her another weak yet happy go lucky smile, but that’s not what Lily was looking at. She stared in horror at the hands of the man who called himself Nadir. In his open palms she could she the red, faintly glowing seals, both of which had a small black dot in the center with thin black lines that protruded from each seal’s circular barrier and spread across his arms like an unstoppable plague. The only thing left untouched was his face, though from where Lily was standing she could see a small portion of the same dark lines that covered his hand, barely brushing the back of his neck as though they were creeping up on him.

Lily overcame her shock as the young man stood, watching, waiting patiently for her next move. “Y-you’re a–”

“A Djinn? Yes, I am. Let me guess. You think I’m here to kill you, right?”

“I–”

“Don’t answer that,” he said, cutting her off as he began to ask, “why are you afraid?” His voice took on a more serious tone as he remained motionless – being sure to maintain his distance. “Weren’t you just about to kill yourself”

Lily recoiled at the accusation. Even if that was what she planned on doing, she hated to hear someone else pointing it out. In a rage, she frantically lashed out at the intrusive young man; “What would you know?! You don’t know anything about me! You don’t–”

Lily took a sharp intake of breath as she lost her balance and began to slowly fall back, allowing Nadir only a second to react.

Faster than the human eye could see, Nadir closed the gap between he and Lily. He reached out and gripped her shirt collar with one hand as he grabbed her wrist with the other, saving her before she could fall beyond his reach. “Woah!” He exclaimed. “That was a close one.” He let her dangle there for a moment before speaking plainly, “I’ve been watching over you for a while now, Lily.”

She was close enough now to see his haunting pale-red eyes, void of all but the faintly glowing irises that struck fear into her heart. An unnatural milky overlay coated his eyes like a thick fog. It was just like the cameras – another set of eyes watching her every move. I won’t end up like my father, she thought. I can’t. There’s no one… There’s no one who can live like this!

Images of the Arbiters flashed in her mind as she dangled on the precipice of death – tall, powerful men clad in silvery armor with large, imposing machine guns and tablets (more commonly known as Diviners) strapped to both wrists that were capable of reading the Threat Level of any Gallian citizen at will. Th-they’ll take me away. If I go above the regulation, they’ll take me away and experiment on me for the rest of my life!!

She let out a frustrated scream as she swatted at Nadir’s skeletal hands. “Let go of me!” After one especially hard hit to Nadir’s arm, his grip gave and she plummeted to the street below. Memories flashed before her eyes as she fell; most of them being of her mother, a woman whose wrinkled and tired face hid the truth of her fairly young age. Her mother shuffled to work every day – a brainwashed zombie going through the motions day in and day out – waking up early and returning home in the late hours of the night with barely enough time for meals, let alone time with Lily. Marry Hope had died a long time ago – her body just didn’t know it yet.

I hope you won’t notice too much when I’m gone. I’m sorry mom. I’m just not as strong as you. Lily’s mind fell silent as she closed her eyes, anticipating the inevitable impact but then, something unexpected happened.

Shadows cast by the monolithic buildings of the gray city came to life and quickly reached out to her all at once, forming a bed of darkness which caught Lily when she was no more than twenty feet off the ground. the darkness enveloped her like a blanket as it cushioned her fall whilst conforming to support her head and neck especially. The people below cried out and shrieked as the shadowy cloud began to slowly drift upwards.

“I-it’s one of those things!” A man in a navy blue suit shouted in a fear-stricken voice as he fumbled with his cell phone. Dozens of others in the crowd looked up in a mixture of awe and panic as the shadowy cloud rose over the top of the building before fading out of site.

“But why?” Lily was exhausted both mentally and physically. The darkness at Nadir’s command subsided as the cloud placed her gently at his feet. Through her hazy vision, she was able to make out a silver key ring resting in Nadir’s hand as the dark mist that saved her chaotically crammed itself into the three golden capsules which dangled from the base of the unusually large ring.

Lily sat lopsidedly, trying with all of her might to keep her body upright as she began to murmur, “How did you… What did–”

He rushed forward, kneeling down to meet her as dozens of shadowy hand-like projections erupted from his back and pulled her in close, wrapping themselves around her in a warm embrace before she could finish her thought.

“I don’t want you to die, Lily. Please.” His once smooth and carefree voice turned to one of desperation and fear. He rose to his feet, instantly regaining his composure as he spoke, “We should go. I’m sure the Arbiters are on their way as we speak.”

Lily watched as the same dark forces that had saved her, steadily arose from the back of Nadir’s shawl, forming large, wing-like structures. Her vision grew hazy. Her body felt weak and her head was burning like a furnace as she fell to one side. The last thing she remembered was the feeling of being carried away by the unwelcome stranger.

Comments & reviews · 3
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MidgeTheSmidge Comment
MidgeTheSmidge commented Comment · May 1, 2016

This is really, really, really great! I honestly can't think of anything to critique. For the most part, I don't like sci-fi, futuristic novels, but this one looks promising. Excited for Chapter 2!! Keep up the good work. : )

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ZerosaBeebe
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ZerosaBeebe wrote a review Review · Apr 16, 2016

Have you ever thought about perhaps maybe going to some sort of writers group for the youth? You're very good and I'm sure some other aspiring-to-be-authors would highly profit educationally from it and actually I myself wouldn't mind working with you as a co-writer. You may have a few grammatical errors but who doesn't? By the way, I would love to read maybe Nadir's OC listings! Like back ground information! So far his role in the story has caught my interest. What exactly IS he? And what are Djinn? Will more come to play later in the plot line? And what happened to our protagonist's father? I'm hooked already! I am looking forward to the next chapter! -your fellow future author in the making :)

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Lemikita
Review
Lemikita wrote a review Review · Apr 14, 2016

Hi!, going to review little things as I go and then give you my overall feeling about the piece once I'm done.

"She thought back what she done this morning." --> She thought back to what she had done this morning.

"as she brushed her teeth perfectly straight teeth with one hand" --> as seh brushed her perfectly straight teeth...

"She was in a hurry, no doubt, but no matter what the hour she always stopped to admire her own self" ..... the word 'admire' feels kind of out of place to me, though you might just want that affect.

"She tried to avoid them if whenever possible." --> She tried to avoid them whenever she could.

"so she sat in a desk at the back corner of the room like she always done " --> like she always did

"Her father had passed a Threat Level of 2 when she was only ten years old and she hadn’t seen him since. " --> ...when she had only been ten years old...

" along with various thin black lines which protruded from the seal’s circular barrier and spread all across his arms like an uncontrollable plague" --> thin black lines protruding from the seal's circular barrier and spreading across his arms like an uncontrollable plague

"void of all but the faintly glowing iris" --> irides

"“But why?” Lily was exhausted both mentally and physically. The darkness at Nadir’s command subsided as the powerful force gently placed her at his feet. Through her hazy vision, she was able to make out a silver key ring resting in Nadir’s hand as the dark mist that saved her chaotically crammed itself into the three golden capsules which glinted in the sunlight as they dangled from the base of the unusually large ring." --> this paragraph is somewhat chaotic. You could maybe describe what is happening (her being placed before his feet, the shadows receding) before she gets to her senses and is able to speak. Also, the second sentence is very long and a bit hard to follow.

" He rushed forward, kneeling down to her level as dozens " you can remove the word 'level'


----


That was really enjoyable! I'm curious where you're going next with this!
Sometimes I was a bit confused as to what wer Lily's thoughts and to what was narrative, but all in all I think you've done a good job at creating a complex world without revealing too much all at once.
I have a few questions: Why does she bother going to school? Why does she care about being late if she then proceeds to jump off a roof? Or was that not the plan all along but was she simply pushed to that by her score being changed? What is the significance of the score '4'? What kind of education does she get, how does she get to school, who cooks her meals? Just describe the world even more, I love getting to know new worlds!

Alright, I hope I could help you a bit and that there will be a new chapter sometimes soon!

Lemikita,

I have followed your suggestions and am pleased to say that I have gone back and solved the problems and contradictions inherent with the previous version of Beyond the Hope. Without spoiling too much of what's to come, I will answer all the questions you have asked.

Q: Why does she bother going to school?
A: Though it is not and will not be explained in the story why exactly she goes to school that day, I can tell you that the Series Finder does an exceedingly fine job at tracking peoples daily routines. If someone were to suddenly fall out of their normal behaviors and resort to deviance like Lily did, the Series Finder would be able to isolate the abnormality and dispatch law in enforcement to apprehend the individual in a matter of minutes. In short, by being out of the house and walking to and from school, time would be, ironically, on her side when it come to finding somewhere to die.

Q: Why does she care about being late if she then proceeds to jump off a roof?
A: She only cares about being late because the Series Finder may pick it up and issue her an elevated Threat Level.

Q: Or was that not the plan all along but was she simply pushed to that by her score being changed?
A: Her score is most definitely the push that sent her over the edge and "forced" her to end her life.

Q: What kind of education does she get, how does she get to school, who cooks her meals?
A: Remains to be seen.

And lastly:

Q: What is the significance of the score '4'?
A: Though I cannot tell you exactly what the Series Finder "is," I can tell you that a score of 2 or higher would result in the non-lethal apprehension of the subject, while a score of 4 is a death sentence. There is no trial because the Series Finder, as one might have assumed from chapter 1, is a complete embodiment of the law.

If you have any more questions, please ask me. Points are hard to come by on this site so I think I'll start uploading 2 chapters at a time and then upload the final chapter by itself. This story is only set to be 10 chapters long so stay tuned! I'll have chapters 2 and 3 up by Wednesday.



Uh, Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back: our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?
— Homer Simpson