“I’m glad that you could join me, here, take a seat.”
The squeak of the chair rang out as the woman slowly pulled it from the table.
“I wouldn't miss it for the world. You know how much i love seeing you.” she said sarcastically
“Oh, come on, don’t be like that, I know you love chess.” The man smiled, swiveling slightly in his chair.
She leaned forward, carefully choosing which pawn to move.
“I only like it when i win.” the woman smirked slightly at him, waiting for his next move.
The man chuckled under his breath. “Of course you do… because the stakes are much higher for you if you don’t.” He moved his right sided knight in the signature L that the piece was restricted to.
“They would be higher if I wasn't smarter than you, my old friend. So i guess I won't have to worry much.”
“What you need to learn is that risks and danger are real, even though fear is a choice. But if you want a challenge… I will not disappoint, besides, this is more fun for me than it is for you.”
The woman sighed as her chosen piece slide across the board towards its goal.
“Why does that sound like it will involve more people getting hurt. Oh wait, because it does.” she leaned back and watched him sharply.
He pondered for a moment, reading the board, looking at all possible moves. Then, he looked up at his opponent.
“You see, life is like a game of chess… these pieces may be inanimate, but they have one sole objective: to protect the king. But at the end of the day, all of the pieces go into the same box. I do what I do for reasons much like the pieces, same as you I suppose, just without a king.”
She raised her eyebrow mockingly, “i don't need a king to destroy you. You lack the skills to scare me old friend.”
A soft thud sounded when she tipped over her opponent's piece, replacing it with her own.
The man’s face was neutral for a moment, then he smiled again.
“Oh, you may not need my king… but how about yours?”
The man looked over the board, not concerned with the piece of his that was just taken. He moved his bishop into the place that his opponent's piece had vacated, putting it in a perfect diagonal with the enemy king.
“I’m not here to scare you, I’m here to show the people counting on you that being fearless can’t protect you… or them.”
The woman stood as she moved her unnoticed piece into the place of her opponent's king, picking it up slowly and bouncing it slightly in her hand.
“Being fearless might not be able to protect them, but I sure as hell can.”
“Even with your king in check you can still move, I admire that. We both play by the rules when they suit us…”
The man stood as well.
“But we both know that when it comes down to it, if you do win, you are going to have to cross the line that separates us. And when you do that, then winning won’t feel as good.”
The man extended his hand to the woman.
She stepped closer to him, only inches between their bodies.
“I will never be like you. And winning will always feel good for me because that means people are safe. Until next time.” she spat out, stepping back into her place and turning to walk away.
The man retracted his hand and put it in his pocket. He surveyed the board on the table below him.
“Good… I don’t want you to be like me. I want you to be better.”
He muttered under his breath so she could not hear. He said it almost regretfully, but when he looked back up, he smiled as the woman was walking away.
“To do that though, means no one is safe.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
wow once i actually reread that was amazing. i loved the kinda mysterious air about it, but any ways review. so i really liked the dialog even though it was a bit confusing at times maybe give a little more effort into the chararcters speech. some of the ways you frased things were a little confusing as well like you didnt give very much detail to certain actions and alot to others.
that is preety much all i got but otherwise its very interesting are you planning on devoloping something off it?
I like this and i want to see more.
The dialogue gets a little confusing at times. If you keep the action in the same paragraph as their line, for example:
“I’m not here to scare you, I’m here to show the people counting on you that being fearless can’t protect you… or them.”
The woman stood as she moved her unnoticed piece into the place of her opponent's king, picking it up slowly and bouncing it slightly in her hand.
“Being fearless might not be able to protect them, but I sure as hell can.”
“Even with your king in check you can still move, I admire that. We both play by the rules when they suit us…”
The man stood as well.
I don't know who is saying what because the action is separated from the line.
Overall i want to read more.
Hello! This is actually my first review, so I hope I do okay!
To start off, I think I should say that this piece is definitely different than what I usually read, yet I was enraptured by it. I especially liked the metaphor comparing life to chess, as cliche as it may be. Another thing I enjoyed is the mystery surrounding the characters; we don't know their names, nor anything defining about them. Somehow, though, the dialogue shows the nature of their relationship.
One thing I noticed, though, is a few run-ons and some I's that aren't capitalized correctly. However, neither of these issues greatly detract from this. I think you did a great job, and I hope to read more of your work!
So to start off I would like for you too read through your writing and change all of the I's that you have written to capital I's mainly because you have quite a few that aren't capitalized. But anyway this story is so unique I have never read any stories like this. It is entirely your own and it infers so much more. That wasn't any normal game of chess and it was incredible. The game was an impression of life and it was incredible. This really changed what this story is about. It was so unique. I honestly cannot express how...indescribable this is, this really is a masterpiece.