Your eyes remind me,
They're like the sun in October,
In your gaze I’m just a ghost
You don't notice as I walk closer.
Your laugh reminds me,
It's like the crunching of leaves,
So satisfying to listen to,
The letter I sent you I hope you receive.
Your smile reminds me,
Of a jack-o'-lantern’s grin,
So warm and inviting,
I watch you from your window within.
I remind you,
Of eyes always watching,
In October’s chilling air,
Where every step you take,
I am already there.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hiii!! Here to review this master piece
This poem is just so so so damn awesome. It's kinda creepy but also kinda lovesick. It's like I'm always there watching every single move of yours but you don't even know I exist.
I know each and everything about you but you don't know that I'm always with you like a shadow. And I love love LOVE the comparison of the girl with nature. How the girl is compared to the beautiful elements of autumn season. So beautiful.
This poem actually reminds of a book character. It reminds me of Zade meadows. Now I don't know if you know who he is but if you're into dark romance and stalker love kinda thing then I totally recommend that you should read Haunting Adeline.
So for the overall review I think it's a really good poem. Simple yet captivating.
Hope you have a nice day!!
Hiii!! Here to review this master piece
This poem is just so so so damn awesome. It's kinda creepy but also kinda lovesick. It's like I'm always there watching every single move of yours but you don't even know I exist.
I know each and everything about you but you don't know that I'm always with you like a shadow. And I love love LOVE the comparison of the girl with nature. How the girl is compared to the beautiful elements of autumn season. So beautiful.
This poem actually reminds of a book character. It reminds me of Zade meadows. Now I don't know if you know who he is but if you're into dark romance and stalker love kinda thing then I totally recommend that you should read Haunting Adeline.
So for the overall review I think it's a really good poem. Simple yet captivating.
Hope you have a nice day!!
Hey, coming in to review this amazing poem!
First impressions: It’s creepy, yet lovesick. If a few words were changed, this would be a love story, which is similar to stalking in a way.
I love how you captured that the stalker doesn’t think they’re doing anything wrong. They don’t think they’re being malicious. (this isn’t to say that stalking is fine at all) It’s a new perspective which we don’t see very often in media.
And the metaphors are also so interesting--I’d never think that comparing a person’s smile to a jack-o-lantern’s would be a good thing, but the narrator certainly thinks so.
I do notice a bit of a disconnect here:
For the first line, you might want to end it on a period. The lines don’t really go together. I think they’d be much better disconnected, and it would make more sense.
Here’s my favorite quote:
This is such a perfect way to end the poem. It’s so hauntingly creepy, and embodies the whole thing stunningly, especially in the way that I personally perceived it. In my mind, in a different context, this would be a promise of love. “I’ll go where you go.” But here, it’s so different. It’s funny how the same lines can mean different things in such different contexts. That’s what I loved about this poem: the way you mix things that would be normal together, and suddenly it’s stalking behavior. I don’t know why, but that’s so interesting to me.
Overall, I loved this poem! It’s one of my favorites now. I know you’re coming back to YWS after a while, and let me just say I am personally so glad you’re back so I can see more of your amazing work.
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)
Nice poem written by the author.
A stalker's point of view is a whole new thing (silly me never thought about something this cool).
"Your laugh reminds me,
It's like the crunching of leaves,
So satisfying to listen to,
The letter I sent you I hope you receive."
This is so beautiful yet creepy at the same time. I like the poem. The poem could be just a little more longer, explaining how he/she is so innocent unaware of the fact that behind the shadows there is danger lurking, and that innocence makes the stalker's heart skip a beat. The stalker craves to stay with him/her a little more longer but circumstances tell the stalker to go back. The day stalker saw him/her it was the best day ever for the stalker. Over all this is a great poem.
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
Thank you so much :333
Hai :3
This is sososo cool!! The vibe is eerie but also kind of sweet in that twisted way, you know? You really nailed that stalker perspective ~~ Like, it’s unsettling but not over the top, which makes it even more chilling. The whole October theme is perfect!! You took something usually cozy like the sun in October and turned it into this cold, detached thing. I love that contradiction!! It makes the obsession feel more quiet but deeply disturbing. You've reached a good middle of the road here!!
This got me!!
It’s sooo creepy but in this way where the narrator almost pities themselves, like they’re hurt by being invisible but also thrive on it. It's like the stalker’s sad little fantasy. It's perfect for the October setting ~~ It’s like mixing childlike innocence with something sinister, and I’m so here for it!! I adore Halloween anyway, and this narrative fits the season so well, almost like it's already then!!
^^^ Buuut I feel like your poem fluctuates between something that almost feels endearing ("your laugh reminds me, / it's like the crunching of leaves") and the stalker-y creepiness. I think you could push the sinister edge more consistently!! Right now, the tone sometimes feels a little too warm for a stalker’s perspective. It might help to make the admiration more obsessive and less like typical affection.
The whole "eyes always watching" thing is a bit of a classic stalker trope. You could keep that idea but twist it in a way that's more unique or unsettling!! Maybe something about how the stalker notices things the person doesn’t even know about themselves? That's still bordering, but it has more substance!!
I like the idea though, cliche or not!! Like, the whole poem builds up to this realization that the stalker has always been there, quietly lurking ~~ chilling!! I think you could definitely push it a little more, add more of that creepiness throughout. I adore autumnal imagery, but it's warm; this poem doesn't feel warm to me in that emotional sense, especially considering the stalker thing. It shouldn't be romanticized!!
This is a vibe!! Creepy, poetic, and unsettling in all the best ways!! ^_^
- Payton
Thank you so much!