Published October 6, 2011
"Eleven!", he calls,
I rip up the grass,
The traction from the asphalt,
I speed off at a sprint.
"Turn!", the voice booms again,
I curve the corner,
My muscles screeching like an engine,
I take off down the straight.
I gaze ahead,
A shape zooming straight at me,
My goal in its possession,
You're mine.
"Go!", the voice orders,
I fire off the mark,
A bolt of lightning,
My target mirroring my every move
I lower my shoulder,
And wait for the imminent impact,
"Smash!", the shock spreads through my body
The debris lays upon the ground
The result of a car crash.
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139,327 Literary Works • 672,532 Reviews
Very very good poem, it had a mystery behind it making the readers think. I love the line "My muscles screeching like an engine!" This has to be one of the best poems I have seen all day, usually I would give some judgement on a poem how to make it better but I don't think I have any on this poem. I hope to read much more of your poems because even I could learn from them.
Keep up the writing, your doing great!
Before I read the spoiler, I could have sworn you were writing in the mind of a schizophrenic. Like, a voice is telling them to go hit a car or something. xD
Anyway, this is really good. I really liked this! I had no idea it was a rugby exercise until you told me. Now it all makes sense. :33
Keep it up!