My Hidden Life

I liked this poem, it has some really strong language that puts that image in my head. I like that you varied the pace of the poem, particularly near the middle but it felt just a little rushed. As soon as the poem started I couldn't wait to get through it so that I could see who exactly the person is that you are talking about. This wasn't resolved, but that's okay. It really stimulates the imagination when you leave the character slightly vague so that we can form who they are using the information you gave us. Overall, it's enjoyable poem!

I agree with butterfliekisses, the beginning was really interesting, but you lost me as it went on. The descriptions were good and the stanzas were good, but it just seemed like you took a bunch of different lines and smooched them together. With a little editing, this poem could be really good! But, overall, it was pretty good. Good luck with your writing!

Hi!

"I wait in the shadows

Hoping never to see life the same again"

This was a very good start. It really pulled in my attention and i was excited to see how the overall poem would turn out. Unfortunately as i continued reading i got kind of lost. You described all these creatures and that was interesting but at the end when you wrote :

"Can’t wait till nightfall

Cause I will be happy to walk the ancient’s halls"

i just simply didnt get what you were saying about that. i can tell that you are a strong writer and i would like to see more of your work in the future.

This is a very good poem. I wish I could point out some things but DreamWork already beat me to the punch. No seriously, I wanted that fruit punch. Here is his. BTW: this is a pretty good poem. Keep it up!

DreamWork says...


Hi there, I really like the messages you want to convey in the poem. I get something from it, which brings inspiration to me. Just a bit things that need some improvement here. Firstly, the use of diction rather 'dull' and less impact on the reader. Readers will only read at a glance without explore the the purpose of the poem.

I wait in the shadows*
Hoping never to see life the same again
Praising the someone who removed the tinted window
Waiting for that new life to begin

'shadows/ shadow?'* This is a nice opening in your poem. I love how you describe the tinted(tainted?) window as an irony of the new life.
I see the creatures of old
To the children of the stone
The creatures who were bold
To the ancients whose spirits whose are white to the bone
The merry folk of the forgotten woods
I’am*(I'm/ I am) their protector from the mortals below

This part likely connotes a collapse of human civilization in terms of moral, until they have forgotten the importance of forests (in modern human life).
Can’t wait till nightfall
Cause I will be happy to walk the ancient’s halls

I'm not sure what you trying to convey with these last two lines in your poem. It's quiet confusing and mysterious to me.
Overall, really nice poem to read. I think you need to put some punctuation just to make it flow smoothly in each lines. Keep writing!
Kudos, cheers.

Hi there, I really like the messages you want to convey in the poem. I get something from it, which brings inspiration to me. Just a bit things that need some improvement here. Firstly, the use of diction rather 'dull' and less impact on the reader. Readers will only read at a glance without explore the the purpose of the poem.

I wait in the shadows*
Hoping never to see life the same again
Praising the someone who removed the tinted window
Waiting for that new life to begin

I see the creatures of old
To the children of the stone
The creatures who were bold
To the ancients whose spirits whose are white to the bone
The merry folk of the forgotten woods
I’am*(I'm/ I am) their protector from the mortals below

Can’t wait till nightfall
Cause I will be happy to walk the ancient’s halls