Young Writers Society

Read this backwards. It almost works!

Great poem!!!

Hi, I really enjoyed this poem. You've captured the theme of adolescence and the subsequent feeling of disillusionment. Even without knowing the context of the poem, I am able to determine that it is about adolescence because of the excellent way you conveyed the tone.
I admire the amount of maturity within the poem and it seems very meaningful.
You've evaluated how childhood irrationality do not compare to the challenges of the adult world. I would be interested to know, personally what inspired to write this text.
I wouldn't say you poem is utterly structured but that's why I like it. It's free verse and confessional. Its very unique.
Thankyou, I enjoyed reading this.

Hey!
I liked the theme of the poem. I presume that it's about growing up and reaching maturity, am I right? For at the beginning it talks about childhood, and then later on it talks about growing up. That's how I see it. I really enjoyed it, though.
Keep writing!

Hey, I'm here to review!

First, the suggestions;

Hello! racket here to review your poem!
Well, I would like to say that, first of all, this is a really, really good poem. I can totally relate to everything you've said in it, which is a main goal in writing poetry. So good job! I really enjoyed it!
My first suggestion would probably be the issue of punctuation. You've got a bit in here, but I feel like a few periods may be beneficial in some spots. Finishing and starting new thoughts and all that. After 'adolescence' in the first stanza. The 'It' in the sixth line is just begging to be the beginning of a sentence, but I think that would make your poem a bit too choppy, so I would suggest just taking it out and going straight to 'would', with a comma after the 'come' at the end of the previous line. And of course, a period at the end of the first stanza would also be a nice addition. In the second stanza also I think you could use two different periods. One after 'collapse' maybe, and then one at the end? A comma after 'wardrobes'? I think that would fix your lack of punctuation here.
Can I just tell you that I appreciate your usage of 'But' at the beginning of the second stanza? Normally that doesn't work real well in poetry, but you did fantastically with it and I admire that, even if it's a weird thing to admire, but hey! You're a writer! I'm a writer! I can geek out over your writing if I want to...
I feel like your poem deserves at least one or two more stanzas, 'cause you've got this 'childhood' stanza, and then this 'teenage' stanza, so I feel like we need an adult part? Or maybe not (I don't think either of us are adults, which makes it harder to write from that point of view), maybe you just need to split these stanzas into four based off the periods I pointed out earlier? Because you really have four main thoughts categorized into two, and I feel like your poem would work better if you split the poem into stanzas according to those thoughts. Soooo.... a stanza from 'I' to 'adolescence', one from 'I'd' to 'real', another from 'But' to 'collapse' and a final one from 'It' to 'it'.
Good job! I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this, and you did a magnificent job, especially for not writing poetry too often. Keep it up!
~racket

Hey SlowTime here to review. Also I want to give you give some tips.

I liked this poem, but there where just a few things i want to touch base on.

One is your punctuation. There are a few times in this that the way you have worded it would make more sense if you added a , . So go through your story and fix up some of the wording, or add some punctuation.

They way you presented the story pulled me in but some of the way you arranged it confused me. That may just be me though XD.

Keep writing, your doing grate.

SlowTime.

Woah, that really was impressive, even if it was on the dark side. Puberty and the like can be a daunting time, I sure as hell thought it was for me. You definitely portrayed the darker side to it, than most people do. Your diction really was powerful, and despite moments where you only used shorter phrases, there still was flow. I didn't see any grammatical errors and despite the fact that poetry wasn't your forte, you did a remarkable job. Maybe you should look further into it, I see yourself doing a lot with poetry with the way you describe feelings. Remarkable job! c:

Wow, I really liked that, you did an amazing job! I felt like this was a really good portrayal of how people will change from being a little kid into a young adult.
I also really liked how you put the view on monsters in there, how as a kid people think monsters hide under their bed or in their closet but when they begin to grow up they realize monsters are actually people.
Over all I found this to be a very cool poem and I enjoyed reading it, keep up the great work!