Published October 11, 2008
This is my friend's poem but he does not believe me when I say he is a good poet, so if you could help me out and tell me what you think, that would be awesome.
Rain pores from the clouds in the sky,
Like tears falling from my eyes.
Every night I would wish for something more.
Something there, and there for sure.
I got my wish, in the form of a girl,
A beautiful girl, made for me in this world.
But now she lies there, on the cold, hard street.
It seeming to engulf her with the night.
That night i lost my world.
My love.
My light.
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139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
tell him to WRITE!!! thats really cool
and if he says no hit him ova the head!
if he doesn't keep writing and lets his writing go it'll be a huge shame
you need to tell your friend that he is an amazing writer! This is the most romantic poem that I have read in a long time! I especially love the ending! My Love My Light! That was the best part!
Aweosome, very beautiful, and it flows so amazingly!
aah well I got lost a bit But the end was nice
My Love My Light
Now that is truly Beautiful
Overall i think you did a good job
But as others have said maybe you need to day what happens to this "Girl"
thanks for the effort i read it and liked it now i must Abscond ..
WOW thanks so much! Lol I'm the "friend
" of Molly's who wrote this. I thought it was good, but to hear people I don't know say it is is awesome! Any way to I understand what your saying about description, but what I was trying to do is spark imagination. Did they break up? Did she die? Was she hit by a car? It was meant to make you think about what happened. As for the quote that confused you about it wasn't to say the girl was his world it was to say that he felt alone and that he had nothing and no one that would always be there. People lose friends and he felt as though nothing in his life was always going to be there. Then he met a girl who loved him and he felt that someone would always be there for him now. That's when something happens. It's not clear what happens, but it's not supposed to be. It's supposed to spark your imagination. Oh and I'm a guy and my name is Jacob lol.
Hello!
WoW! that was amazing! tell him to be confident and not to be afraid to admit it. I read a lot and to tell you the truth this is one of the most romantic poems i have ever read. Like I say there is nothing wrong with admitting your good at something what is wrong is not showing the world how good you are. He/she should keep writing because talent is defenetly what he/she has.
xxxooo,
Kari
Aww! I Think that it was very good. The only part that I didn't get was when it said, 'I got my wish, in the form of a girl, A beautiful girl, made for me in this world.'
I think that it messed up the flow. And I also think that you need to describe what's happening a little more, because, well, i got lost. Did the girl die? If so, how did she die? Why was the girl his world? You know what I mean.
Overall: Nice work, but it needs more description.