The following story is about my personal experience. Proceed with caution.
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Have you ever based a huge decision on someone else’s well being? Have you ever pondered the fact that it may or may not be the right one? At the age of thirteen, I had to make one. At the time, I wasn’t sure if it was a good one or the right one. Looking back at it now, I know that it was the best one I have ever made. Even though it was hard to do, I am proud of myself that I had found this new thing called, “Independent Decision Making.”
During the winter of 2014, my grandmother, Susan O’Hair was diagnosed with stage one Breast Cancer. The night that I found this out, my heart was crushed. As soon as I was calm enough from crying and done blaming God, I decide to call her. I asked her if she still wanted me to go down to Tennessee to visit her and my grandfather. Her response was, “Danni, I’m leaving that decision up to you. You are turning 14 soon and it is time for you to decide that.” You see, decisions don’t automatically happen, they come from a series of events in the brain (Teens and Decision Making). I told her I was unsure of what to do and that I would give it some thought. I knew that this winter was going to be difficult for me.
Two days later, I was constantly listing the pros and cons about not going. After finally making up what I wanted to do, I decided not to go down to Tennessee. Luckily, my grandparents called me that night. The phone rang and I was the first person to pick up. My grandmother asked if I had made my decision. The first thing out of my mouth was, “Yes.” I told her that I have been thinking about it non-stop for the last two days. Here goes, I thought in my head.
“I’m not coming down this Christmas,” I continued telling my grandparents. My grandmother was okay with my decision. My grandfather, on the other hand, was a bit infuriated with the idea. “Now hold a minute grandpa. Let me tell you the reasons as to why I am not coming down.” Finally, I could speak my mind to him. I told him that I’m not going down because of grandma’s health. Once the surgery and everything else is done, she’s gonna be extremely exhausted. Having me there is going to make her worry about taking care of me. I wanted my grandma to focus on healing then taking care of me. That’s the one thing I wanted.
Finally, it sunk into my grandfather’s head that grandma’s well being was more important than having me come and visit. I am thankful to God that the cancer is gone and that my grandmother is in excellent condition now. I will never forget that decision and how independent it made me feel. It was one of the best decisions I have made. The next time you make a decision for someone else’s well being, make sure it is for the best. Make good decisions and think BEFORE you officially decide.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
Wow! This is a great piece. Great storytelling. Proof that the best writing always comes from personal experience. I think your voice has a good balance of being clear and to the point while still good imagery. Don't really have any major criticism. Maybe read through a couple times out loud, because some parts could flow a bit better, but that's all.
Good job on this! Can't wait to see what you write next!
- Sofie
Wow, that was a quite good decision tho. So here to drop interview
Your introduction was good. I have seen many writers have problems in the first paragraph. Too short and not sum up the whole thing, too long and (still) not sum up the whole thing or out-of-topic, but yours was just perfect! You have engaged the readers right in the first sentence with a good topic. It made me think back if I have made one, and your mentioned age actually got me hooked, curious about what your decision was going to be about.
The way you presented the story is great. I really like the choices of words you have used. It is like you know how to make the story sound interesting. Not too much description, not too less either. That was a good lesson tho. I really appreciate your work and to be honest... I expected it to be longer because I enjoyed reading it, and thank you for sharing your personal experience. That was a really good example. And I am looking forward to read more of your works. Good luck!
It's a wonderful narrative with a nice theme and lesson. You might want to list out what the pros and cons you were thinking about before you made your decision, though--readers can follow your theme more easily that way and see how big the decision really was.
)--if not absolutely!
Keep writing!
I like how your sentences make sense and the grammar is almost perfect (though be careful around punctuation, typos, and sentences that don't fit in very well
You did a great job on your voice and individual style, and how you spoke [it seems] from your heart and didn't try to play around with fancy words--just straight sentences.
Hope this helps.
Quite a nice little read, in my opinion! I read it twice to gather my thoughts before picking it apart like the literary vulture I've become, but I cannot guarantee absolutely objectivity. After all, every review is somewhat biased.
I think you did a good job. The story itself doesn't bring up any memories, as I have never had to struggle with cancer, but it's well-written nonetheless. The grammar was near flawless from what I can see, and your sentence structure is probably much more precise than mine.
I'm guessing you wrote it in the spur of the moment, spontaneously and without much planning. This approach can produce excellent literature. It's the sole method I use for writing myself. However, I'm also guessing you didn't take much time to go over the text for possible editing.
Unfortunately, the lack of a dedicated editing session does show, if only slightly. Now, I cannot say for sure if what I say is correct or if it's merely a matter of style, but I personally think it's good to go over your work at least three times before publishing it. Generally good practice for spotting mistakes and room for improvement.
Might be personal taste, but you use the word "I" quite a lot. It's not a big deal, but replacing it with different expressions can improve the flow of text. I also think some of the sentences in the third paragraph are a tad short. Short sentences can make an impact on the reader, but it should be balanced out by longer sentences.
That's my only gripe with your work, and it's hardly anything significant anyway. Since I tend to seek out every little problem in literary works, I'd say you can be quite satisfied with your results!
I'd be interested in seeing more of your work, if you don't mind. Might even learn a thing or two about prose myself!